bad advice on weaning...

[AliGrylls]

There are two girls I have lunch with every week (I have known them for a year) and I really am fond of both of them so don't want to lose friends.

I have a little problem though - one of my friends has a really weird view of weaning and has basically brainwashed other friend into believing her way of weaning is really good (her method of weaning involves feeding her child mostly from bottles / jars). Today friend who has just started weaning had made a beautiful concoction of finger foods - roasted vegetables, lovely looking lamb. Seriously, Anabel Karmel would have been jealous. Friend who has child who is just over a year then said "you should give her a jar first and then try her on the finger food". There is me thinking - how awful. Poor child.

I really wanted to interfere and say give the baby the finger foods first as otherwise she won't have any appetite for them. Problem is that friend who has just started weaning seems to revere whatever other friend says so I would feel really strange about saying anything to her.

Should I interfere and aIBU for thinking this friend who clearly knows nothing about weaning should stop holding herself out as an expert on the subject (sorry but I feel quite strongly about the issue of weaning).

what is the issue you have, that the food was a puree or that it was in a jar instead of homemade? if it was the latter then I agree that she should not be encouraging your friend to buy ready made baby food, as homemade is so much better. Maybe you could point out to your friend that making her own baby food is a lot cheaper and she will know exactly what goes in it.

tbh I think YAB a bit U. There's no right or wrong way to wean a child...just varying opinions. And no mother likes to be told she is wrong. I would leave well alone. IMO as long as a child is fed it doesn't matter whether finger foods go before or after mush, or whether sustinence comes from home cooked food or jars. You're entitled to your opinion but you have no right to try to enforce your views onto others who are managing fine without you.

Oh please YABSU I can't even stand it. I started my son on jarred food because he wouldn't eat anything I made home-made.

Now he eats a combination of jars and finger food with no issue.

The whole 'purées lead to not being able to eat finger foods' argument is bullshit.

FFS the real issue here is that you don't agree with her. Let her parent her way.

It's not so much I don't agree with the friend who has the one year old it is just that she was really pushing the jar and saying give her the jar when she had already prepared something that looked lovely.

I don't care what friend with 1YO does with her child but I think it is a bit bad if someone respects your opinion so much to only, effectively, tell them one side of the story.

YABU - there's as many ways of weaning as there are parents! My DD refused to eat anything but about two types of HIPP jarred food for months - I was reduced to putting my own homemade stuff in the jars to try to fool her; didn't work! At 2, she is happy and adventurous with food, finger or otherwise. Stressing about the 'right' way is more likely than anything else to cause problems - they all get there in the end, mostly!

yanbu
it is fine to counteract someone else's criticism imo, to give the other person the confidence to follow her preferred way and ignore the jar-feeding person who seems to be rather domineering and controlling.

YABU. If people want to feed their children jars then let them. Not everyone wants to make homemade purees. If the other friend wants to listen to the first one then it is up to her.

Sounds like you think anyone who feeds their child jarred food isn't as good as someone who makes it themselves.

I will say that I do feel quite strongly about the issue of weaning - I do actually think parents should try to give their babies homemade food where possible, purely because it is healthier and you know what has gone into it.

I just don't understand why a person wouldn't try and if you have actually gone to the effort of making nice food to actually offer a jar first, I personally think defeats the issue. Call me old fashioned.

YABU I'm afraid. It's too easy to come over a bit evangelical about something you feel strongly about. But believe me it won't win you any friends. Nobody likes to be lectured. And basically people will do what they want to whatever you say. If your friend's into finger food she probably nodded along with your other mate's jar comments and went home to shower her darling with purple sprouting broccoli.
I was very pro baby led weaning until it led to my son subsisting on pasta for the whole of his second year - he'll still barely touch vegetables. In the end I would have killed for him to neck a jarful of processed carrots and chicken! I really don't think there is a right or wrong way, but the worst thing for a child is parents getting over anxious about what they eat and passing that anxiety on to the child. And you coming over all holier than though with your home made finger food is only going to make your friend feel inadequate.
Perhaps a gentle way to get your view across would be to let your friend see you give your dc some yummy finger food, then tell her you got the recipe off the baby lead weaning website. If she looks at the site she can absorb all the propaganda without you having to say a word.

you could of just said, try the finger foods first as they have a shorter time frame in which to be eaten , it would of been a waste of good fresh food, the jar will be there for however long the date says, and im guessing it wasn't that day.

YABU as long as she is not feeding your child food from a jar dont worry. i actually have no opinion either way jar or homemade are fine with me. last time i looked at the ingredients on the label on baby food it said nothing about rat poison or the likes, so i think your friends child will be safe without your intervention.

Personally I prefer to make my own purees. i did with DS and I will with the next one. I too think it is better, but I don't really give a toss what others do.

I think you need to get out more.

Can you puree a sausage roll?

I thought this was going to be about people trying to wean babies who can't even hold their heads up yet!

Jars are fine, OP, chill.

yes Morloth i've done it lol he wasnt that keen though i cant think why

Will It Blend?

lol

I see (slightly) where you're coming from - if she has already prepared something appetising and healthy then it seems a shame for someone to be telling her she's doing it wrong. And I agree that its better for babies if they are given home-made food where possible. And if this woman is trying to steer someone else to do it the same way she did, instead of what the second woman seems to want to do, it seems reasonably to remind her that there are other ways of feeding. It may well be confidence rather than "brainwashing"; its very hard to feel you're doing it "right", and if someone with an older child says, "This is the best way to do it", then its very easy to think, "Well they must know what they're talking about".

But jars are not the be end of all. DS has jars for breakfast, as my pain is always worse in the mornings, and that is easier for me. Sometimes if we are out for longer than I anticipated and I have not got any lunch / dinner with me, then I will buy a jar. And I don't feel too bad about it.

Never mind jars / Blw / homemade puree, they're all fine. Your friend should be more assertive, and stand up when people interfere, whether it's that other woman or (with the greatest respect)* you. Fancy telling someone that the food she had prepared wasn't good enough! I don't know how your friend didn't grind it into her head.

• Please don't read that as sarky, definitely not meant that way

I agree with wukter - both you should (in the nicest possible way) but out and let your friend get on with weaning whichever way she sees fit, until such point as she asks for advice.

I agree that it does seem odd to push jars over homemade food (though jars do have their place), but no-one should be telling anyone how to feed their own baby. It's a personal decision and everyone will do it slightly differently.

YANBU at all!

A lot of people are jumping down your throat wrt jars but from your OP, the problem is not really that you don't like jars, is it? It is more than the weaning friend was doing fine on her own until Mrs bossy boots came along with her opinion and tells her to use jars, isn't it? When the finger foods are in fact better. I would get the weaning friend on her own and maybe tell her you think she was doing great with the finger foods and that maybe your other friend isn't always right about everything!

Why do you feel strongly about it?

my own DS was given jars for a few months but then I got fed up with the cost and some he wouldn't eat so I thought 'stuff it' and just pureed practically every meal we had and gradually he got used to this and as a bonus we saved a lot of money too. He also had no problem eating solids, finger foods etc. Eating from jars has no effect on them not managing finger foods! They can do both if they want to.

YABU - let your friend do as she pleases. She has her own views. You have yours.

'the finger foods are in fact better' - well that's a matter of opinion.

Look - the purpose of weaning is to get a baby eating some sort of food and then to expand their menu and eating skills as they grow. There is no 'right' way or wrong way and doing things in a certain way does not make you a better parent.

Op - if you are getting validation as a parent from the way you've weaned your child you need to seriously get a grip. Keep your opinions to youself and no doubt your friends will do the same. If they don't then it really isn't worth you getting all het up inresponse.

You have it in one chipmonkey. If she was to ask me what I thought I would give her my opinion but I would hate to rock the boat seeing as she does what other friend does her.

Mrsbean, I feel strongly about it because I have a degree in nutrition. Somewhere in my psyche it is now ingrained that fresh food is best and because of this I don't think it would be fair on DS to have jars. On the very odd occasion I have had to give him a jar I have smelt and nearly thrown up. DS now flatly refuses jars because he has got used to what I have given him. I guess I do believe that children will get used to what you feed them, so if you give them jars a lot they will in the end prefer jars and it will take longer to get them on to proper food.