bad advice on weaning...

[AliGrylls]

There are two girls I have lunch with every week (I have known them for a year) and I really am fond of both of them so don't want to lose friends.

I have a little problem though - one of my friends has a really weird view of weaning and has basically brainwashed other friend into believing her way of weaning is really good (her method of weaning involves feeding her child mostly from bottles / jars). Today friend who has just started weaning had made a beautiful concoction of finger foods - roasted vegetables, lovely looking lamb. Seriously, Anabel Karmel would have been jealous. Friend who has child who is just over a year then said "you should give her a jar first and then try her on the finger food". There is me thinking - how awful. Poor child.

I really wanted to interfere and say give the baby the finger foods first as otherwise she won't have any appetite for them. Problem is that friend who has just started weaning seems to revere whatever other friend says so I would feel really strange about saying anything to her.

Should I interfere and aIBU for thinking this friend who clearly knows nothing about weaning should stop holding herself out as an expert on the subject (sorry but I feel quite strongly about the issue of weaning).

FWIW neither of my kids had jars (homemade puree for DD, BLW(ish) for DS) so I totally agree with your views. But also agree with others that it's not really your place.

But nothing wrong with letting her know what your views are I guess, especially given your qualification! Just praise her on the lovely food she'd made.

AliGrylls, that's fair enough for you but best keep your beak out of friends' choices I think... in the situation you describe, you could offer an opinion in favour of the finger foods in a general sense to be supportive, but not in such a way that you become evangelical about your own choices (even if you have good evidence to presume you are right).

I have a similar thing about uber-electronic 'learning toys' and 'interactive' books being seen as the 'best toys' for young babies and toddlers when they seem to discourage true play and interaction. I'm all about the wooden blocks and treasure baskets and books etc.. if there's a general conversation going about toys, I'll say something about how I prefer x or y because (and list the positives).. but I would be very careful about framing it in a 'ooooh I'm so great and you're an idiot' kind of way... no one likes a know-it-all, you know?

what mrsbean78 said.

DS1 was fed mainly jars (with the odd homemade pureed meal made by my mum), and has a marvellous appetite now (he's 6.7), and will eat anything I give him.

DS2 only had homemade purée's to start with,....until he refused to eat them anymore! He will now only eat the 4 month plus jars! (He's 21 months). He will eat sandwiches, fruit, crisps etc so I know he has no problem with eating finger foods or lumps, but he will not even attempt to try chopped up veg, meat, cheese, potatoes and turns his nose up at any wet food with even the smallest lump in it and will gag, and he will not even attempt to take a mouthful of my homemade dinners anymore.

The point I'm trying to make is that all children are different and what works for one, won't necessarily work for another. Your friend will work out what works for her child in her own time.

YABU for coming across as having such a problem with people giving their children jarred food (each to their own and all that ...... but YANBU to feel that your other friend should have kept her nose out and let this woman decide what is best for her child.

FWIW - I am so far from a know-it-all it is unbelievable. up until now I have stayed completely quiet on the subject. I am just finding it a bit frustrating now because I think my friend was today attempting to do something really nice and I thought it was ruined.

TBH I agree with you re certain toys. They are only allowed at certain times of the day. The imagination is the best toy a child has - but that is another thread completely.

I don't like jar feeding, I don't think it's the best way. I think they are good for convinience but not for everyday. What another parents does is up to them though.

We BLW and thoroughly enjoy it. It's fun, easy and very very messy.

I don't understand why you don't just chip in with your own opinion, OP?

The two friends are sitting there in front of you discussing weaning - you're busting to say what you think. Just say it.

For example; 'jars are quite handy for when you're out, but I really liked giving mine roast veg to eat at home, he loved them'.

There, that wasn't so difficult, was it?

What lindsaygii said. YANBU if you want to give the roasted veg a friend an alternative point of view and one that is more supportive. YABU if you make her feel she can't use jars without you frowning on her. Why not just "We did x, y and Z and our kids loved it, but you should do what's right for you".

lindsaygii has the right idea.

For me, it would be:
'I couldn't really work out which jars were good and bad and some of them smelled rotten so I just decided I'd make my own, bung a few veg in the oven and just lob em up in front of him. He seemed to enjoy it!"

Have you seen the wean machine, Ali? Best of both worlds. I can't be faffed with pureeing and cooking baby food so my ds is self-feeding sweet potato, butternut squash, avocado, banana as his main foods (also oatmeal) but when he gets to the stage of being frustrated (which he does, just grunting and shrieking at me and trying to lick the mush he's made off the table with his hands out like an aeroplane), then we bung the leftovers into the wean machine and he has some spoons of mush too. He gets ALL excited when it comes out! Our favourite is green, white and gold - avocodo, sweet potato and banana! Yum!

What's your thinking on meat? My boy is sucking on finger food meat and enjoying it.. and I personally feel that I don't want to puree it as I think probably meat is supposed to be eaten when you have teeth... GP friend had a go at me for letting my 6 month old eat it whole

Where's the problem? Most babies are not ready for finger foods unless they wean pretty late.

YABU in the sense that it is your friend's choice how to wean and you are letting your own strong opinions cloud matters. I know this, I have been in your shoes, people just thought I was nuts. Which, to be frank, I was.

But YANBU to dislike one friend impressing her own methods on another who is perhaps less able to assert herself or is easily led.

The best way to deal with this is probably to do and say nothing but credit her for making such a wholesome spread of delicious food and fondly remember how much your child delighted in picking up and playing with new foods at that age. Even that is probably a bit U but as I'm with you in terms of my opinions on weaning I'll allow it

As a matter of interest, I don' know how old the baby being weaned is but our HVs down here don't recommend red meat until baby is a year old.

And I feel equally strongly about jars, Ali. I'll be dead in a ditch before DD has one

fibilou, where is down here? I was told to give red meat from 6 months by my HV.

Even more

OK, I know it's the NHS, but they advise meat from weaning here

Red meat is a good iron source. Possibly not blue steak but I really fail to see the problem. Your HV is obviously mad like the rest of them Fib

She did say the phrase "like thieving arabs" with a Turkish person in the room so you are proabably right about the madness.
I'm in Sussex, mrsbean78.

YANBU. My friends child actually went orange from her having too many of those stupid jars. imagine the colourings if they literally turned her skin orange. it was awful. i think they are nasty things. lets hope ur friends dd doesnt turn orange poor babies.

Doesn't have to be colourings. That can happen from plain old carrot!

DS's first food was a chunk of my steak at 8mths, he grabbed it and wrestled it from me so I figured he was ready for food. Why no meat? We luuuuurve meat.

Children really need meat because of the iron content, it goes best with tomatoes because the vitamin C increases iron absorption. DS' fave is spag bol and the other day I made moussaka - I had never seen him eat so much. I love the mess and find it hilarious when he puts his spoon through his hair (DH refuses to watch me feed him) and when I find something that he really loves eating I find it exciting. I can't help thinking that they put something in the jars to make them more palatable (like sugar) which is another reason for objecting to them.

I know I am obsessive and I need to get a life, but that is just part of my character.

breakmycherry - have you not read the ingredients list on a jar of baby food, they do not have colourings in them! carrot, sweet potato and butternut squash are all fairly bright orange and would probably do what you are describing.

Ali - it would be illegal for them to add sugar to baby food if it is not on the ingredients list, the reason they are often more 'palatable' is because there is usually about 5 times the amount of plain carbs to anything with actual flavour, like meat or green veg. I'm not a fan of jars as it is so easy to make purees yourelf (and cheaper), however I see nothing wrong with the odd jar here and there. Unless you but Heinz it won't do them any harm.

My DD1 was weaned on homemade purees and never had a problem with finger foods, and DD2 is currently being weaned on a mixture of purees and finger foods, there is no right or wrong way to do it.

I think the orange skin thing is something to do with vitamin A?

I don't think they actually add loads of crap to baby jars, my main objection to them is the blandness, they all look the same. Plus making my own I can see the quality/ripeness etc of the food I'm using.

But I'm a total lazy arse this time round! We pureed for about a week with DS and then thought 'sod this' and gave him all our own food by shoving it on his tray. Unless we were in Maccy D's obviously

I can see that you objected to one friend pushing her opinions on your other friend, but I think you're coming across as equally judgemental to be honest. Jars of baby food may be less than ideal, but they're hardly turkey twizzlers - babies like them because they're bland, not because the manufacturers add secret evil ingredients!

'I guess I do believe that children will get used to what you feed them, so if you give them jars a lot they will in the end prefer jars and it will take longer to get them on to proper food.' How old is your DS? Pride comes before a fall, is all I can say... I'm evangelical about home cooking, but one sniff of a jar of baby food and my DD decided otherwise. It is a relaxed attitude to food which will get your children eating a varied and appropriate diet, not marking out certain foods as spawns of the devil. When your DS is a toddler or older, he may decide to surprise you with his own opinions...

Shhesh. People are obsessed with weaning, aren't they?

In my day (a whole 9 years ago) we mushed up some stuff, tried a few jars (some of the Organix ones were rather nice, actually - anything, including stuff you make yourself, can smell a bit on first opening it), and after a short while gave the dc a bit of buttery toast to hold and munch on as we offered them a bit of egg on a spoon.

What on earth happened?

YABU, as others have said its not hard just to say something like "try whatever you can and just see what works for you" or similar...

The other friend is probably just trying to help in her own way, especially as sorting out fresh food can be a faff at the best of times especially if your DS prefers the jars like mine did