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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

bad advice on weaning...

77 replies

AliGrylls · 03/06/2010 18:41

There are two girls I have lunch with every week (I have known them for a year) and I really am fond of both of them so don't want to lose friends.

I have a little problem though - one of my friends has a really weird view of weaning and has basically brainwashed other friend into believing her way of weaning is really good (her method of weaning involves feeding her child mostly from bottles / jars). Today friend who has just started weaning had made a beautiful concoction of finger foods - roasted vegetables, lovely looking lamb. Seriously, Anabel Karmel would have been jealous. Friend who has child who is just over a year then said "you should give her a jar first and then try her on the finger food". There is me thinking - how awful. Poor child.

I really wanted to interfere and say give the baby the finger foods first as otherwise she won't have any appetite for them. Problem is that friend who has just started weaning seems to revere whatever other friend says so I would feel really strange about saying anything to her.

Should I interfere and aIBU for thinking this friend who clearly knows nothing about weaning should stop holding herself out as an expert on the subject (sorry but I feel quite strongly about the issue of weaning).

OP posts:

SouthMum · 04/06/2010 16:09

Agree TheBoy, some of the jars are pretty nice, they are not how they used to be in those little tins or the dried power stuff.

I ate some of a Sweet and Sour Chicken one that DS had left - I was starving and he was being a little git so had no time to eat anything else. It was pretty nice

SouthMum · 04/06/2010 16:10

sorry that should be

thats better!

runnybottom · 04/06/2010 16:46

YABVU, unbearably judgy and downright ridiculous.

Can you tell me precisely what is wrong with jarred food and how it is superior to homemade? Can you explain how one doesn't know whats gone into it, given extensive labelling laws and rules on infant foods?

And finally why on earth do you have an opinion on what anyone else does when feeding their own children?

bumpsoon · 04/06/2010 17:46

YANBU to have an opinion , regardless of whether others think its right or wrong . I dont understand why you feel you cant say something ? what would of been wrong with saying 'what youve made looks lovely , i prefer home cooked food to jars personally '. I choose to use a mix of the two ,having two other older children i have the confidence to know that the odd jar of organic fruit puree isnt the devils work

Original poster

AliGrylls · 04/06/2010 18:23

My DS is 1. I expect he will be opinionated and go off certain foods as he gets older - it is normal and part of it is about testing boundaries, I believe it is what children do to see what they can get away with.

I am not against a varied diet. In fact that is what I am fully for and I do have relaxed attitude to food in terms of what he is allowed to eat - I have just decided that I like to cook his own meals.

I think I would feel a bit ridiculous saying something because she is never directing the question at me. But I guess if we are all out together it would not be strange.

I like Expletives suggestion. Will def do the next time we are out.

OP posts:

RubyBuckleberry · 04/06/2010 18:40

babies need meat. it is a complete protein and a source of iron.

yanbu to think the way you do - that is up to you.

you could have just said 'wow, that looks great'. that would have made friend feel good about what she did. the more she feels good about what she did, the less other friends silly opinion will matter to her.

runnybottom · 04/06/2010 18:53

babies do not need meat. No humans need meat.

grapesandmoregrapes · 04/06/2010 19:21

Its so yummy though

lovechoc · 04/06/2010 19:21

I need to have meat and so did my son when he was little because it's about the only thing he's guaranteed to it. It must be in the blood! lol

RubyBuckleberry · 04/06/2010 19:22

well, they are supposed to have protein and iron, meat has these things. i suppose they can live without it but it is very beneficial to them. are you vege runnybottom?

ScreaminEagle · 04/06/2010 19:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

supergreenuk · 04/06/2010 19:32

Sorry I have only read OP's message so sorry if this has been said before.

I think everyone has advise on weaning especially if they have done it. You have to give the girl receiving the advise some credit though for making up her own mind about things. You may find she is just agreeing on the idea for the sake of not offending and will do her own thing anyway. Sometimes people may take parts of a good idea and make it better.

Don't worry about her. I am sure she will figure it all out.

SarfEasticated · 04/06/2010 20:27

i think the PP is right, your friend is probably playing lip-service to the other girl and will do her own thing.

Send her to the BLW website!

BexieID · 04/06/2010 20:35

I feel sorry for the mum who made a lovely wee meal for their baby to then be told she should give a jar first by another mum. Sounds like your friend wants to give BLW a go but your other friend is a bit about it, like everyone i've told in RLs reaction! My mum still insists I feed Erin breakfast, baby rice

runnybottom · 04/06/2010 20:56

God no, I eat my steak so rare its barely dead! Just saying its not necessary to a diet at all.

I've had 3 children and I've done BLW, jars, home made purees, I've used french baby food, italian baby food and chinese baby food, I've done finger foods and lumpy mush, I've done it all. And in my experience it doesn't make a blind bit of difference. Do what you want for yourself, and don't listen to anyone else, IMO.

LordVolAuVent · 04/06/2010 21:58

What's wrong with Heinz, grapesnadmoregrapes?

Really don't understand why you wouldn't say ssomething casual to your friend as part of conversation, OP - in a non-judgey way naturally . Always nice to have a second opinion imho, don't know why the friend would be unwilling to listen to you if she is willing to listen to Jar Woman.

grapesandmoregrapes · 05/06/2010 19:19

mainly the fact that their rusks have more sugar than a doughnut (think they may have been withdrawn now). I'm very picky about what I feed my children, and after finding this out I wouldn't touch their food with a barge pole!

NanKid · 05/06/2010 19:28

What runnybottom said. I have also done it all, and doesn't really matter in the long run.

lindsaygii · 05/06/2010 20:29

Here's some advice I got at the supermarket...

I was asking the woman (granny age) on the checkout what she thought of Flipper Dippers for an eleven-month old. (He is well into 'adult' food and I'm sometimes short of ideas, inspiration, and frankly, time.)

She told me her grand-daughter, about the same age, mostly has chocolate, mash, and Bacon Fries. Yes - those weird crisps.

I just nodded and said that was a good idea and I'd give it a try.

(And then fled with my Flipper Dippers, suddenly feeling much better about buying them!)

SarfEasticated · 06/06/2010 09:59

well lyndsygii, I do hope they were organic Bacon Crispy Fries

MrsSantos · 06/06/2010 16:11

YABU to be sniffy about jars. I think they taste of watery shite (even the schmancy organic ones) but if that is all a baby will eat then at least the baby is eating. I did mush with one baby and a BLW with a second. Both eat fine now. On a course recently, a local university researcher said the latest work indicates a mixture of mush and finger food is best from 6 months. However, neither of my 6 mo old babies were much into reading evience-based research and went their own ways. #1 was and still is a gannet who will eat anything (much like me ) and #2 is more restrained screaming blue murder if I ever tried to go near with a spoon of puree.

I would say something like "Parenting is really hard, you get loads of opinions and sometimes it's difficult to know which way to go." and leave it at that

trixie123 · 06/06/2010 18:03

the whole "home made is better thing" really pisses me off. We do a mixture of everything. when he has jars they are hipp or organix. I know exactly what is in them bacause I can read the label and often one lasts over 2 meals so they work out fairly reasonable. When its homemade, its not organic so arguably worse. Anyway, I agree with those who say it makes very little difference how you wean and later problems or lack of them seem completely unrelated to which method you used in which order.
OP, do try to work the "there are lots of ways to do it" idea in + maybe help her to trust her own instincts a bit more. Its food for a human being, not rocket science

SarfEasticated · 06/06/2010 18:27

I tried one of the plums organic pots of pasta and pesto, it was absolutely horrible - bland, bland, bland. the real thing is cheaper and nicer.

mamatomany · 06/06/2010 18:35

Is she honestly going to throw away all that homemade food and give her baby a jar of food just because the other friend said so.
Or is she likely to nod along and then do what she wants anyway ?
FWIW the only child we have that is a fussy eater is the one I weaned onto jars because I worked full time and was too knackered to cook, I would like to go back in a time machine and boil a few carrots to mush.

MrsSantos · 12/06/2010 20:12

Trixie - how can homemade food be "not organic so arguably worse" ? Nutrionists and dietitians are always telling adults to eat food made from scratch because it's cheaper and unprocessed food retains more nutrients. Surely the same applies to babies.

Don't get me wrong. I am no evangelist, I used plenty of jars first time round but I found most of it got wasted and actually it really didn't taste that good. Didn't second time because the baby would not eat stuff from jars that I bought so I stopped buying them and threw hunks of real food at her. She did fine. I've used plenty of jars because I didn't have much time and was knackered. I won't beat myself up about it and wouldn't criticise anyone else for doing it but I also don't kid myself that processed food is somehow better, easier, yes and thank god it's there.

Anyway, I must go and put my ready meal in the oven and crack open the wine for my non-football evening with a couple of friends

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