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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU in not giving their ball back?

83 replies

jenniepanda · 01/06/2010 22:56

8pm tonight, knock at the front door, 10-ish year old boy that I didn't recognise said "my ball is in your garden". No sorry, or please can I have it back. I went into the back garden to look for it and a stone landed at my feet, obviously thrown by one of the boys waiting for the ball. I shouted that they couldn't now have it back and went back inside.
9.30, man hammering on front door who I recognised as a neighbour from about 4 doors away, he said "I want my sons ball back" I said I didn't have it, I had the ball of a lad I didn't recognise, he insisted it was his son's ball, I know his son, it was not him who came to ask for it back. I said I wasn't going to give the ball back to whoever it belonged to until I got an apology from whoever threw the stone at me. He repeatedly said, "I want the ball back". THEN he said if I didn't give it back he would take something to the value of the ball, like a hanging basket. I said, "hang on mate, please dont threaten me, I'm not giving it back until I have an apology". This went on for a few minutes. Then he picked up two pots of plants from the front door and walked off with them.
So I rang the police.
Apparently it is not theft as they were taken in retaliation for something else. The lady at the call centre asked how long this conflict had been going on, I said it hadn't, in fact I am on quite good speaking terms with his wife! However I did insisit that it get recorded and that someone come round to sort it out as I felt quite shaken at being threatened at 9.30 at night by him. In fact I'm still shaking as I type this. I'm still waiting for someone to come round, I assume it will be tomorrow now.
AIBU in doing this, did I over react, what would you have done? What if the ball had damaged something in the garden, what if the stone had hit me, or the dogs, or the dcs?

OP posts:

separated · 01/06/2010 23:00

I would like to think that I would have done the same thing.
I do not think that you were unreasonable.

mummysgoingmad · 01/06/2010 23:00

i think you did over react a bit. It could of been his mate coming to the door because the boy knew you know his mum. I would have just gave the father the ball back and told him about the rock, and would ask for an apology.

calling the police a bit too far i think sorry.

SparklyJules · 01/06/2010 23:03

It all sounds like a case of handbags to be honest. I'm sorry but I laughed when I read that he walked off with your plants. What is he going to do with them? What would he have said to his wife when he got home? It's comical!

scurryfunge · 01/06/2010 23:04

I would have given the ball back but told him about the stone throwing and let them deal with that.....the incident escalated without needing to.

DSM · 01/06/2010 23:12

Overreaction IMO.

The father didn't kick the ball over, you should have discussed it with him as adults.

And it's only a ball, you can't fret about children kicking their ball into your garden and hurting your dog. Your being a little oversensitive. A ball won't harm a dog.

If they were a constant problem then yes, maybe take it further but calling the police for a one off? Extreme.

Original poster

jenniepanda · 01/06/2010 23:21

DSM - I was trying to. If he'd have started with "sorry to disturb you so late, I believe my son accidently kicked the ball into your garden..." then perhaps it would have been different. But as soon as I answered the door all he said was "Give me back my sons ball" I guess I was onto a looser from the outset...

OP posts:

Vallhala · 01/06/2010 23:30

You called the police? Over a neighbour wandering off with two pot plants?

Yes, the stone-thrower is a little so and so who needs to apologise and learn not to do it again, yes the child who asked for the ball needs to learn manners, yes the father was intimidating and equally ill-mannered, but the police? Over 2 plant pots? Forgive me for repeating myself but, well .

And you want the police to come round to sort it out?

I pray to god that there wasn't some poor soul waiting on the line because they were at threat of domestic violence or some other more serious crime whilst you were talking to the control room about 2 plant pots.

ThatVikRinA22 · 01/06/2010 23:32

oh just give the kids his bloody ball back.
massive over reaction on both your parts - you are both being childish.

why would you just not give the kid his ball back?

some people,truly, i think have nothing better to do!

GerbilMeasles · 01/06/2010 23:33

YANBU. And whoever told you the plant-napping isn't theft is talking out of their arse.

You aren't guilty of theft, but he is.

scurryfunge · 01/06/2010 23:35

It isn't always going to be theft.....you have something belonging to them and they have taken something of equal value....not a problem.

ThatVikRinA22 · 01/06/2010 23:37

definition of theft is very exacting. did i mention YABU? if not then YABU.

GerbilMeasles · 01/06/2010 23:44

Mmm, might fail on the "intention to permanently deprive" but otherwise seems to fall squarely within the definition.

Anyway, the plant pots are a bit of a side issue - if some daft bugger comes round to your house and starts kicking off on the basis of what a ten year old has told him, instead of trying to discuss matters like an adult, what are you expected to do? OP isn't being unreasonable to ask for an apology before she gives the ball back, he should apologise with good grace, take the ball and then go and sort matters out with his son. Neighbour sounds a bit of a cock TBH.

scurryfunge · 01/06/2010 23:47

Agree everyone has let this escalate into a ridiculous dispute where it could have been sorted out amicably.....the adults have slipped firmly into child mode here, on both sides.

differentnameforthis · 01/06/2010 23:51

The guy came around to yours after you refused to give his son his ball back, so that may account for the fact that he wasn't all smiles & manners.

10yr old boys not always great on manners, so understand that.

Rock throwing not good, but I doubt it was intended to hit you.

You should have given ball to father & asked him to make sure no more rocks were thrown, as could hit/damage XYZ. It isn't like they kicked the ball over several times, is it?

You needlessly escalated a situation. He threatened to walk off with something, still you refused to hand over the poxy ball, so you call the police to report him of theft after he carried out his threat.

You say you feel threatened now, but it is all of your own making!

Petty & ridiculous! Give the bloody ball back, get your plants back & grow up a bit!

SlartyBartFast · 01/06/2010 23:57

new balls

WhereYouLeftIt · 01/06/2010 23:58

YANBU - and I would have called the police too. at the plantpots not being theft.

SlartyBartFast · 01/06/2010 23:59

yabu
and petty

abbierhodes · 02/06/2010 00:00

I can't believe the reactions here! A stone was thrown at the OP, children were needlessly rude, a man hammered on her door at 9.30 at night and spoke to her very agressively, and then walked off with her property.
And yet she's the one being unreasonable. Mental.

OP, burst the ball and steal all his fecking plants. He's a knobhead.

SlartyBartFast · 02/06/2010 00:00

and you are wasting police time.

SlartyBartFast · 02/06/2010 00:01

is it beirut?

nickschick · 02/06/2010 00:01

FGS just give them the ball back - how long does it take to realise that children appreciate manners? if you were nice to them youd get along far better.

ScreaminEagle · 02/06/2010 00:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

WhereYouLeftIt · 02/06/2010 00:01

I think the rock was meant to hit the OP, just the same as rocks dropped off bridges are meant to hit the cars below. Just because they're too young to understand the consequences doesn't mean they don't try to do it.

lidofabiro · 02/06/2010 00:02

Ball in the garden you didn't ask for..... unsolicited goods?

scurryfunge · 02/06/2010 00:04

The rock throwing was out of order and should have been dealt with....not giving a child a ball back is unreasonable...even if your neighbours are not the most intelligent communicators, you still have to be the adult.

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