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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU in not giving their ball back?

83 replies

jenniepanda · 01/06/2010 22:56

8pm tonight, knock at the front door, 10-ish year old boy that I didn't recognise said "my ball is in your garden". No sorry, or please can I have it back. I went into the back garden to look for it and a stone landed at my feet, obviously thrown by one of the boys waiting for the ball. I shouted that they couldn't now have it back and went back inside.
9.30, man hammering on front door who I recognised as a neighbour from about 4 doors away, he said "I want my sons ball back" I said I didn't have it, I had the ball of a lad I didn't recognise, he insisted it was his son's ball, I know his son, it was not him who came to ask for it back. I said I wasn't going to give the ball back to whoever it belonged to until I got an apology from whoever threw the stone at me. He repeatedly said, "I want the ball back". THEN he said if I didn't give it back he would take something to the value of the ball, like a hanging basket. I said, "hang on mate, please dont threaten me, I'm not giving it back until I have an apology". This went on for a few minutes. Then he picked up two pots of plants from the front door and walked off with them.
So I rang the police.
Apparently it is not theft as they were taken in retaliation for something else. The lady at the call centre asked how long this conflict had been going on, I said it hadn't, in fact I am on quite good speaking terms with his wife! However I did insisit that it get recorded and that someone come round to sort it out as I felt quite shaken at being threatened at 9.30 at night by him. In fact I'm still shaking as I type this. I'm still waiting for someone to come round, I assume it will be tomorrow now.
AIBU in doing this, did I over react, what would you have done? What if the ball had damaged something in the garden, what if the stone had hit me, or the dogs, or the dcs?

OP posts:

hmc · 02/06/2010 00:07

What abbierhordes said. Sound like an ASBO family.

babymutha · 02/06/2010 00:09

blimey - plant pots and balls - its usually drugs and guns that get the police out round here.
agree that 10 year old boys not always polite - think we have to set an example by being MUCH more reasonable than them.
The father is in a difficult situation as he can't loose face with his son (its a male thing) and now in possession of your plant pots.
Can you sleep on it, and offer an olive branch in the morning? - life is short, neighbours are important - we used to live above a teenage gang - they didn't steal our plant pots but they did try to do drug deals from our front garden and hide guns in our back garden - I'm not being flippant, just trying to add a different perspective. increase the peace?

GerbilMeasles · 02/06/2010 00:09

According to OP, she was in the garden getting the ball for them when they lobbed a rock at her. And she was meant to just hand back the ball? Bugger that for a game of soldiers.

Sounds like the kids get their manners from their father - and although I wouldn't have called the police on him for nicking the plant pots, I might have done if he was threatening me. That or planked him.

WhereYouLeftIt · 02/06/2010 00:09

I still don't see keeping the ball as unreasonable. The kids used it as a set-up, they missed their target (luckily) and the target has ensured they can't try it out with another target until they apologise. Comes under teaching children the consequences of their actions in my books.

scurryfunge · 02/06/2010 00:13

Sorry, such petty shit is not worth escalating into a full blown neighbourhood dispute....take the moral high ground, be the adult, smile sweetly and give them the ball back...you have tolive next to these idiots.

myredquattro · 02/06/2010 00:14

How can you expect the boy to learn any manners when his father has none?

How fucking rude to just come round and demand the ball! When my 6yr old kicked his ball into next door's garden He wanted to just jump the fence and get it as we knew she was out. I refused and made him wait until she was home so he could knock on, apologise and politely ask for his ball back.

Ok, maybe the OP shouldn't have called the police over the pot plants but she is hardly BU! She probably felt it was the only option open to her following such aggressive behaviour.

IMoveTheStars · 02/06/2010 00:16

overreaction. The father was an arse, and the kid should have apologised, but FFS, the police have more important things to worry about!

PortiaNovmerriment · 02/06/2010 00:17

Agree it was a set-up. Horrid.

EcoLady · 02/06/2010 00:18

At my IL's home, all balls that come over their garden wall always accidentally fall on the very sharp prickly thorn bush and get punctured. Every single one . FIL hands the ball back with a smile and is rarely bothered again by the same child.

nickschick · 02/06/2010 00:19

I live in what most peoiple would say is an undesirable area.

We have druggies and teens drunk on the streets most nights in fact only a couple of weeks ago in the local park one boy was attacked with an axe.

I treat all these kids with respect and I talk to them about 'stuff' (sometimes actually in the street others in the local youth club)as a result im possibly one of the 'safest' people around here - all these young people know me and give me back the respect I show them.

Example - near my house is a football pitch and quite often it spills out onto my street if it disturbs me i go out and say knock it off play on the pitch pests!! they take their ball and go..... next door but 3 neighbour goes out fs and blinds at them so they deliberately wait outside hers.....

myredquattro · 02/06/2010 00:19

If my DS had told me he'd kicked the ball over the fence and the neighbour had refused to give it back I would immediately ask if he had been apologetic and polite.

I would then go round to neighbour, apologise again say I'm sorry if DS was rude at all. I would listen to any worries she had and try to allay her fears/anger.

hmc · 02/06/2010 00:20

Nice FIL EcoLady

GerbilMeasles · 02/06/2010 00:22

Sorry, just don't buy this about wasting police time, they have better things to do. We weren't there. OP was. She says she felt threatened.

So, if your own husband behaves aggressively and threatens you, we all agree that you should call the police on him. Shouldn't have to take that sort of treatment from your own husband.

However, if someone else's husband threatens you, well, you should just take that shit in the interests of good neighbourly relations.

Someone who behaves aggressively towards neighbours might also be doing the same to his own family, don't you think? Good on you OP, stay friends with his wife if you can, sounds like she might need all the friends she can get.

scurryfunge · 02/06/2010 00:22

Ecolady, how vile of your in laws

myredquattro · 02/06/2010 00:24

But Nickschick, your neighbour who goes out and shouts has just as much right to a bit of peace and quiet. You make it sound as though he deserves them to be outside his house.

cat64 · 02/06/2010 00:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

scurryfunge · 02/06/2010 00:29

Because it is petty and childish to withhold a child's ball...it could have stopped right there.

cat64 · 02/06/2010 00:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

plonker · 02/06/2010 00:31

I would have given the ball back and suitably scolded the stone-thrower.

The rest seems like needless escalation IMO...

plonker · 02/06/2010 00:33

The stone landed at her feet. It may have been lobbed, or it may have been thrown absent-mindedly as they waited for the ball.

Either way, the child deserved a telling off. The rest just seems an over-reaction.

I agree the hammering on the door and all that followed is very unpleasant, but did it really need to go so far?

PortiaNovmerriment · 02/06/2010 00:34

Kids and their balls are a total PITA though (sounds rude, by you know what I mean). I don't mind chucking them back over in my own sweet time, but I refuse to keep answering the door every ten minutes.

scurryfunge · 02/06/2010 00:34

The lobbing of stones is an issue that needs to be dealt with by the parent....you will never have an influence over the child as a neighbour....even if the child has zero guidance at home, whatever you do or say means nothing.....pointless debating it with them, or the parents. You will never win the battle in this way.

ThatVikRinA22 · 02/06/2010 01:05

agree with scurry on this one, and did none of you kick balls into neighbouring gardens as kids then? just bloody mean to not return them. so ok the kid had no manners, but do you teach manners by getting on your high horse and escalating the whole situation until it becomes farce?
you stole my ball
you stole my plants

quick call the police!
ffs. just read it back. really i swear some people are beyond help.

so as a policewomen im supposed to actually arrest the man for stealing a pot plant? do i arrest you too for stealing the ball?

theft is when something is taken dishonestly and with the permanent intention of depriving the other person of the item...so i guess that includes foot balls.

both parties need to grow up on this one.

differentnameforthis · 02/06/2010 01:12

So now they purposely kicked the ball in her garden to throw stones at her?

Oh please!

MadamDeathstare · 02/06/2010 01:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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