Why is 'gingerism' an acceptable form of prejudice?

[Pacific]

Came home from a late shift last night to find my cool and handsome 13 year old DS crying after some cyberbullying because he has reddish hair.

The story came tumbling out between sobs. He had been out on Saturday afternoon with his pal and their respective 'sweethearts'. The two girls also happen to be best friends.

After they all split up and made their way home about tea time, Ds was getting hassled on the bus home by some local neds getting called 'ginger c**nt' etc. They got off at the same bus stop. One punched DS. DS retaliated (he is rugby player) and ended up giving the boy a bloody nose. The boy's friends ran off when they saw DS not to be messed with but bloody nose boy has threatened DS that his Dad and big brother will get him. This is not an empty threat....we know who they are. DS is now terrified.

Next thing that happened, On facebbook last night DS's girlfriend's best pal started taunting his girlfriend about the ginger hair. DS somehow managed to see this convo. It was really horrible stuff and coming so close after the attempted beating (just for having red hair FFS) was all too much for him and he was sobbing his heart out. I haven't seen him cry in years.

Bastards. Why is this OK? Why do people pick on redheads? Where did this come from? Why is this prejudice not tackled?

I have just given birth to dc3 - dd2. Ds (12) is auburn and gorgeous, dd1 is blonde and I'm delighted that dd2 has the same strawberry blonde hair that ds had as a baby so she'll hopefully have the same fab hair as her big brother. Neither me or dh are ginger but I've been dyeing my hair red for about 20 years. Now people see me with my kids and think it's my natural colour! But ds does get hassle at school - he also wears glasses and is a bit of a computer nerd which doesn't help. We're in Ireland so it shouldn't be so rare to be red but that doesn't stop it. Gits.

SparkleFrog i can assure you that getting all the names out in the open and using them as affectionate, common family use, has helped my niece and nephew greatly. if you are brought up to think a word is offensive, then thats how it shall be to you. if you were brought up in a household where 'sweetie' was used in a sarcastic, sexist, abuse tone, you wouldnt attach the term of endearment quality to it.
honestly, i think my niece and nephew would be having a much tougher time if theyd never heard the nicknames before...

I think it has remained an acceptable form of prejudice because otherwise sensible adults continue to openly make remarks about red heads that have undertones of nastiness like Bonsoir. Bonsoir if you make these kind of remarks around your children in such a flippant way they will think it is perfectly acceptable to tell another child that they would be prettier with dyed eyelashes - this is outrageous and very unkind!

My niece is a red head and a stunner. My nephew was born with strawberry blond hair and it has since turned blonde and I'm sorry to say much to my brother's relief as he thinks as a boy he would've had a tough time being a red head.

When I was pregnant with my DS my MIL (nearly) constantly expressed her concerns over the likelihood of her first grandchild being ginger with 'awful pale eyelashes'. I found these comments really hurtful on behalf of my beautiful niece and nephew as she had met them and knew that was their colouring. Equally, I didn't understand why she even cared! My DP is very dark, of Jewish origin, I am blond, DS was born darkish and went very blond and now is a brown blond colour but he has always hard darkish eyebrows, eyelashes and has Hazel eyes. Needless to say my MIL was very happy and said so I was very shocked as she considers herself very PC but is blind to this prejudice!

your post made me feel i want to put my hands through the screen and give your poor ds a big hug. I have a ginger tone to my hair and during the summer the sun makes it more ginger. I hated my hair colour growing up and was badly bullied at school because of it. The thing that makes me laugh now though is one of the worst culprits of this bullying is now the mother of a 10 yr old with bright pillar box red hair bet she feels realy about giving me a hard time now as her poor ds prob going through same as i did!! As much as i hated my hair growning up I now love it. It is a realy unusual shade kind of a light copperey goldey gingerey brown and every hair dresser i go to always comments on how lovely it is and how i should never dye it cause they like it too much. A friend of mine used to get bullied for her eye colour they were a brilliand dazling green colour and kids used to walk past her meowing or 'psssssttttting' which i was always a bit becase i thought her eyes were amazing.
I think it is discusting and inexcusable in this day and age for anyone to discriminate or prejudice against anyone for any reason wether it be hair, skin, eye colour, disability ect.

I am ginger, and proud!

My DD has dark hair and I have often been told how lucky I am that she does not have my colouring.

My 8 year old DS has been in tears over his ginger hair and horrible comments too. He has begged me to let him dye it and to be honest, I did research non-chemical dyes a few months back. Not dyed it yet but am toying with the idea for over the summer holidays - any views?

Also, please listen to this:- Tim Minchin - red head himself and a comic

Sparklefrog - I am another one who takes the mick to desensitise their red-haired kids. Since they have been very little DH and I have ribbed them about all sorts of stuff. We have a 'thing' where we call each other the most ridiculous nasty names we can think of including stuff that is semi-true.

Thing is, it sounds harsh, but it works. I have been around my kids when they have been shouted abuse at, and it's like water off a duck's back. I even asked, later if they were ok and they couldn't understand why i thought they'd be bothered!

While my 8 yr old has also made comments about wanting to dye his hair, I would rather he learnt some coping strategies for not letting the comments get to him.

At the moment he hasn't had too much to deal with. I am assuming he will encounter it more as a teenager. Trouble is he is not a sporty sort of chap - has rather eccentric interests and enthusiasms.

Doodle, did you follow my link further down the thread? It's the same song, but is on a whole web site devoted to 'gingers'. Makes interseting reading! here it is again for you

I am a proud redhead married to a redhead with two beautiful redhead sons - one auburn the other a lighter shade. I was never bullied at school and have always loved standing out from the crowd. Its been different for my sons as they have both been bullied throughout school life.My youngest cut a big chunk out of his hair when he was about six years old because he wanted to get rid of his hair due to being picked on.

I used affectionate ginger nicknames for them and positive comments throughout their life so much so they now do like having red hair. My eldest has never been short of girlfriends so clearly not everyone finds it repulsive!

However, I am shocked and saddened by the more recent openly negative comments from adults against people with ginger hair. We always expected it at school but not amongst so called friends and colleagues. One close friend even told me she checked her newborn didnt have ginger hair the minute she was born - probably even before counting fingers and toes!

I always respond with the same comment "red hair only seems to be a problem for those that don't have it"

Please tell your DS that this mum thinks that red hair is beautiful. My DD2 has red hair and I too had red/blonde hair prior to age, childbirth and cancer surgery catching up on me. I now have my hair coloured back to it's original shade because I love it, and I love DD's true red hair even more.

DD2 (13) has been horribly bullied because of her hair and it breaks my heart to see her in tears over it. I remind her that the bullies are insecure and jealous because red hair gets you noticed and attracts loads of lovely comments from sensible, intelligent people who are not ill at ease with their own looks or envious of other people's.

Hugs to your DS (who doubtless wouldn't want them, being a rufty-tufty rugby player, but hugs anyway!). And, dare I say it, and at the risk of being bollocked, between us mums, good for him for giving the little brat a bloody nose!

Am so sad and angry to hear this, Pacific Arseholes. I hope your DS is okay

YANBU, i'ts awful am and for your ds.

My gorgeous handsome baby boy (8months) has red AND curly hair, it's amazing but since he was bron with his lovely red hair I've been worried about the prospect of bullying. Makes me feel v lioness just to think about it.

his Dad my DH had red curly hair too (now what's left is number 1 all over and greyish). He was only bullied a few times as any attempt at it was met with a swift punch, including one dinnerlady who called him a gingernut. After that no more bullying. Not the best way to deal but TBH maybe it's best just to deal with this kind of crap head on. If DS does the same i expect I'll only half heartedly tell him off.

FWIW I had v v corkscrew curly hair when younger (still curly now but not as tight or springy) and was teased about it. I hated it but have come to realise it's quite dramatic and unusual. People can be arseholes unfortunately.

I like WaitingforGoks comment - I'll try and remember that for my (very red and curly haired) DD. So far, no negative comments and lots of compliments, but it does strike me that her hair colour obviously makes her stand out and so far, people have been polite enough to make their interest into a pleasant remark, but I do worry that it won't always be that way.
My ex-boyf (not DP or DD's Dad) was also a handsome flaming redhead!
Sorry to hear your son has been so upset by this moronic behaviour though. Its not ok to be bullied, whatever the 'justification' is.

Back from my late shift now.

Thank you all for taking the time to post and the support.

I have calmed down a bit now and DS flopped asleep on his bed almost as soon as he got in from school. He was so tired after not sleeping last night. His wee girlfriend's pal has apologised for the facebook comments, and his girlfriend has said that it is not an issue....she fancies him anyway. (He is a rather handsome rufty-tufty rugby player [biased mum emoticon!].

I really had no idea that this was such a flashpoint for bullying but nearly every post on this thread has said so.

More ginger support here!

DD has red hair and DH is worried that she will be bullied (he was bullied at school, though not for having red hair).

DD's red genes are from me. I was not bullied but have faced numerous 'jokes' (collar and cuffs etc).

Does anyone else think that red hair seems more common now?. There was only 2 redheads in my class at school (me being one of them) but from my group of 'mum' friends, 3 of the 5 children have red hair. It's supposed to be a recessive gene but I think it's fighting back!

it does seem more common, which is great! red hair is amazing! [i have dyed red hair, someone called me ginger in passing and i said 'i wish!' ]

Lots and lots of boys and girls at DDs nursery with red hair - she's not going to be the only one at school. Hurrah for redheads!

sayithowitis - thanks! Been reading your link for so long, me eyes have gone red - boom boom!

I too am likeing the concept - only people who haven't got red hair seem to have a problem with it!

Someone said that gingerism seems to be a British thing, and I just wanted to say that it is the same here in Norway where I live. My husband is ginger with freckles, and he was bullied for this through all his school years (even though being ginger is very common in the part of the country where he is from). Being ginger was - and I think still is - one of the "acceptable" things to pick on people for (as it is with being fat). I have no idea why - I guess it is like others have said, that red hair just tends to stand out.

My friends have been at the having babies stage for a few years now, and some of them seem to think it perfectly reasonable to say that they don't want a child with red hair (I find it strange that they want to say this to me when they know my husband has red hair, but they obviously don't think so). When pressed, they say it is because they wouldn't want them to be bullied, and that it might be okay if it was a girl, but that boys certainly will suffer for it (as if red hair was some kind of disability which would be cause for concern, instead of just a hair colour). I wouldn't want my children to be bullied either, but it feels as if these friends perpetuate the gingerism instead of going against it - a redhead will automatically be bullied, therefore it's okay to bully redheads, IYSWIM..

I think red hair is gorgeous, even to the point where I want to kidnap all the ginger cats that come in my way.. When I see redheaded women I always look on their hair with a feeling of deep envy (mine is a mousy sort of non-colour). All the red heads on the thread - I am looking at you now:

I have only read the OP - this has come up several times and there are bound to be people who come on and go FGS it's only a bit of teasing, it's not prejudice, get over it etc.

It's NOT acceptable, it IS bullying and it pisses me RIGHT OFF that people still have this "oh it's not important" attitude to it.

Some of them have red hair but haven't experienced it - those of us who have experienced it know how hurtful it can be - but that doesn't stop our experiences being belittled as trivial.

I still can never get over how everyone seems to think it's ok to laugh at red hair and then go out and get theirs dyed red!

I'm 45 and have lived in the US all of my life. I had never heard of ginger as a term to describe red hair and can't ever recall any sort of bullying regarding hair color. My older brother had bright red hair when he was younger and I have always been massively jealous that mine only has very slight auburn tinges in the summer. I see that it has been mentioned as a British thing, but also Norway and a bit in Ireland. I can't imagine where the roots (no pun intended) of this prejudice would come from. I feel so for all of you/your sons/daughters etc. who have been bullied. Come to America and everyone will love your hair and your accent

There is a higher preponderance of red hair in the Irish and Scottish populations - that may be one root of it (fairly archaic)
Weren't the Vikings often red-haired as well? That might be another (even more archaic). And that would explain the Norwegian prejudice as well, I think.

In Australia it varies, I've found so far - generally not as much of an issue but boys get called Red Dog, or Ranga (for orangutan) - I haven't heard what they call redhead girls yet.

Question is - did the prejudice come over with the Brits? Probably.