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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

FGS...WHY, WHY, WHY????

92 replies

EveWasFramed · 27/05/2010 17:46

Is it assumed that if you post something in AIBU, then you are inviting a flaming or a fight?

Sometimes, people just wonder if they're being a bit silly, with parenting stuff or relationship stuff, etc. and just need a bit of perspective. Why is it a requirement that it will descend into an argument, when really, the topic just encourages people to give opinions???

I feel badly for OPs when posters exclaim, 'ooo, you're going to get flamed for asking, best go to another board'
Are opinions discouraged on the other boards??

I have no specific thread in mind, btw...it's just something I've noticed since I joined MN...and I don't really understand it, TBH.

OP posts:
PrincessFiorimonde · 27/05/2010 23:50

Eenteresting - now you're on a roll. Well done! (But remember it's addictive!)

hmc · 27/05/2010 23:50

I agree OP, an AIBU topic is usually seen, by at least some posters, as an opportunity to pile in and vent a bit of anger. Nowt much you can do to change it though....(shrugs)

scottishmummy · 27/05/2010 23:57

pile in?vent anger?oh millionth time dont exaggerate

discursive forum,post seeking opinions.expect to get em.it is inherent in asking strangers their opinions that you may likey or likey not

but lil feetie stamping and complaining about responses is lame and precious

Eenteresting · 27/05/2010 23:58

PrincessFiorimonde, I know. I am having visions of my laptop being pulled from my white knuckled hands with me screaming 'I MUST poooooooossst, let me poooooost.' It feels nice to be hear though after lurking for so long.

hmc · 28/05/2010 00:08

Was that to me?

Yes, some do pile in.

I'm not complaining nor being precious etc, since I don't especially care one way or the other - not having been personally affected by it (I seldom if ever post on AIBU for an opinion).

Just agreeing with the OP's premise which to me appears correct.

Can I just say - you get on my tits quite often.

There - that's better, feels good to have that out in the open, and I know you won't mind. It being just words on a screen and all that....

scottishmummy · 28/05/2010 00:10

say what you want,it is meant to be discussion forum after all

hmc · 28/05/2010 00:11

Well, can't say exactly what I want - might be deleted!

maryz · 28/05/2010 00:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tortington · 28/05/2010 00:13

i have a completeyl differnt view from the op

i cannot for the fucking life of me understand why ANYONE who wants a carefully thought out response posts in this topic about anything that matters to them.

dont come in aibu - if you can't hack it - aibu has its own culture - we all know it does, so if you have relationship woes - post in relationships - not aibu.

scottishmummy · 28/05/2010 00:15

really none of this is meant to be so high octane.some recreational yapping to strangers.tapp tapping on a pc shouldnt induce such ire

but hell,i get the best laughs that it does. i really do

love all the harrumphing

bemused at all the she said/i said/how very dare you

hmc · 28/05/2010 00:21

"dont come in aibu - if you can't hack it - aibu has its own culture"

That is absolutely true - it definitely has its' own culture (no holds barred, sock it to 'em right between the eyes), and is best avoided if of a delicate disposition.

However I have some sympathy with new Mners who might not realise that along with the constructive criticism and discussion, you might get quite a lot of sarcasm / belittling / name calling directed at you etc. It's a bit like a brutal initiation rite - like having your head shoved down the loo in high school. I'd be very interested to see how many seasoned Mners post questions on AIBU - me thinks they know better.

LadyBiscuit · 28/05/2010 00:23

I quite like it when pagwatch gets all hard arse about stuff. One of the people here who are amazingly kind, endlessly tolerant and still you can piss them off.

OP - you're right, it's not fluffy here. There are lots of women here who are very strong minded and some of them are very, very clever and a bit scary in some ways. I could say that you should scurry away to Netmums if you find MN all a bit much. BUT what you get here is the benefit of all those strong minded and very, very clever women when you have a real problem.

When I say real, I am not talking about boiling water for babies or if it's okay if you leave your DC if you nip to the loo but real stuff. Like your employer not wanting to allow you to work flexibly or your husband being emotionally abusive or that you think your child has an undiagnosed SN. That kind of stuff. For that, MN gives women a wealth of free expert knowledge and support. And I don't think you would get that anywhere else.

So I think it's a pretty small price to pay personally for the occasional robust debate where some people may get a bit shouty and sweary

Tortington · 28/05/2010 00:24

yes hmc i think you have apoint - maybe MNHQ should put a subtitle warning - like they do on soe other threads 'do not post here lightly. responses will be swift and brutally honest'

scottishmummy · 28/05/2010 00:28

hmc can say i get on her tits and that is factual observation?but if someone else says it on aibu that is piling in/venting when they express opinion?

haha so for yourself you reserve the tell it as it is position.tis your opinion after all

but judge others for doing so?

such hypocrisy - priceless

thumbwitch · 28/05/2010 00:37

There have been a couple of threads where the OP has been advised to ask the qu somewhere less contentious (and in fact the threads have been moved out of AIBU by MNHQ). There have also been threads in AIBU that are perfectly sane and polite - and ones where the OP is soundly trounced for her contentious opinions (sorry to use the word twice in one post)

But I agree with pag that this endless round of "why is MN so different/mean/bitchy/bullying" etc. is only going to bring on the same responses.
And custardo is right about it having its own culture - but this still doesn't mean that everyone who posts in it gets a pasting, because that is utterly untrue.

TreeTrunkThighs · 28/05/2010 01:03

I thought getting flamed on AIBU was a rite of passage in the mn world.

I didn't really feel I'd arrived until I'd been told 'FFS get a life' dipping my toe into AIBU

tortoiseonthehalfshell · 28/05/2010 01:03

I've started a thread in here, as a relative newbie, and got a 150+ post response, most of which agreed that I was, indeed, Being Unreasonable. And I don't think anyone was mean or cruel. They just thought I was BU.

wukter · 28/05/2010 01:42

LadyBiscuit I agree 100%.

I do think it's gone very self referential over the last, say, 3/4ish months. Jesus there must be something worth talking about on Mumsnet rather than Mumsnet itself.

Altinkum · 28/05/2010 08:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

scottishmummy · 28/05/2010 11:10

actually some posts are vile and deserve a mn kicking

notably the bnp/mental health/forriners threads they were vile and understandably posters didnt hold back

good thing too

WombFrootShoot · 28/05/2010 11:16

I am going to start using the word Twerp more.

TWERP.

Altinkum · 28/05/2010 11:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

scottishmummy · 28/05/2010 11:27

lol thats the aibu rub,no normal ones all bonkers

esp AIBU my mil wants to cuddle the baby i told her go bathe in hibiscrub before she touches my precious widdle baby.how very dare she the presumptuous ole cooooooooooow

aibu is home of the precious and arsey,who have absolutely no idea how aibu they actually are.hence need strangers to point out bleeding obvious

EveWasFramed10 · 28/05/2010 11:35

Okay....had a strop and deregistered, thus the slight change in name.

I suppose perhaps I needed to NOT huff off, so that I could clarify my position.
First: I have been around for about a year now, so I am not completely new. I also understand the whole culture of this board, I really do.
Second, I have actually started other threads on this board, in which I WAS being unresasonable, and was told so, and debate ensued, which I was fine with...nothing was nasty or bullying, and for the most part, I think AIBU is not a coven full of witches or an evil place to be.

My problem is with association. There seems to be the assumtion that if you post something on this board, asking for advice, then you'd better be ready for an argument, because that's what this board is all about.

I am NOT going to refer to threads...this isn't a thread about a thread, but there were at least two threads yesterday where OPs were told they best post elsewhere, or they were going to get slated. Thing is, I didn't think that either post was inflammatory or moronic...they just wanted some perspective, which I don't think is completely unreasonable.

I am clever, and I enjoy a debate. I don't even mind being told that I am being unreasonable, but to me, being told to fuck off isn't productive at all, and it's not a very clever response....even if the question seems ridiculous!

Anyway, as you were. I just didn't want to leave in such a huff...some of the people on the boards in general are lovely, and I do enjoy being here.

WombFrootShoot · 28/05/2010 11:36

I am clever as well.