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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

FGS...WHY, WHY, WHY????

92 replies

EveWasFramed · 27/05/2010 17:46

Is it assumed that if you post something in AIBU, then you are inviting a flaming or a fight?

Sometimes, people just wonder if they're being a bit silly, with parenting stuff or relationship stuff, etc. and just need a bit of perspective. Why is it a requirement that it will descend into an argument, when really, the topic just encourages people to give opinions???

I feel badly for OPs when posters exclaim, 'ooo, you're going to get flamed for asking, best go to another board'
Are opinions discouraged on the other boards??

I have no specific thread in mind, btw...it's just something I've noticed since I joined MN...and I don't really understand it, TBH.

OP posts:

WillowM2B · 27/05/2010 18:10

Some of the other boards are the same Eve - its not exclusive to AIBU. I've seen some horrible responses all over. Its not actually exclusive to Mumsnet either though - other forums are the same.

Its usually the same members who have something nasty to say time and time again. I tend to not bother reading what certain people type.

wannaBe · 27/05/2010 18:11

people have the option to hide threads/topics, however, it is true that ibu is seen as a free-for-all where people can essentially say what they want, to who they want, and if that upsets someone that is that someone's fault for daring to post in ibu in the first place.

Yes it can get boring when we see thread after thread of "why is there so much meanness on mn/why are people so bitchy/nasty?" but should we not also question whether, if so many people seem to think that way, whether there's some truth in it? And whether it is acceptable to speak to people the way some posters do? Would they speak to people like that in rl?

Original poster

EveWasFramed · 27/05/2010 18:14

I'm not new.

fucking forget it...you're all right. I'm just fucking moaning.

You kids take care.

OP posts:

ChunkyMonkeysMum · 27/05/2010 18:15

I can only speak for myself, but when I first joined MN it was quite a daunting place to be and could, at times, seem quite intimidating.

Lot's of you know each other already (Ok, maybe not always in RL, but have spoken on here for a long time), and for someone new, who is not aware of the "rules" of the AIBU threads it can appear that it is just a place where everyone gets flamed for having an opinion. It's only when you've been here a while that you get the general jist of it.

To all the MN "oldies" (no offense meant ), please don't forget that you were all newbies once upon a time too.

If you are really sick of threads like this one, how about just ignoring them & not commenting at all?

Lizzylou · 27/05/2010 18:18

Eve, I wouldn't start a thread on AIBU unless I was so sure that I wasn't, which kind of defeats the purpose.
Just avoid those threads, or watch in a knitting by the guillotine way as the mayhem unfolds.

bibbitybobbityhat · 27/05/2010 18:22

Because if you are continually told that your forum is rubbish and you are a coven of witches ... that gets a bit tiresome really.

And there is another thread, almost identical in theme to this, in Active Conversations today.

Why should I just ignore someone slagging off a forum that I would like to defend?

I'd like to see some examples from Eve.

KerryMumbles · 27/05/2010 18:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pagwatch · 27/05/2010 18:26

Eve

I never said you were moaning. I am not a kid.
You are kind of proving both side ofthe whole AIBU debacle.
Some posters are engaging with you but you are focusing only on the ones arguing with you. It is a twp way street.
I think that happens a lot - a debate ensues but the op gets arsy comments and stops talking to anyone in order to fight with the nay sayers

If AIBU is a problem so are some ofthe Ops.

I agree with wannabe to an extent. But one long discussion about it would suggest that regular members are expressing concerns.
Lots and lots of different threads always strikes me as non regulars complaining IYSWIM

Lizzylou · 27/05/2010 18:28

I do agree with Bibbity as well that all the "you are such a bunch of bitches" threads are grating now. If you are not a newbie, you must realise this?
There have always been them, probably about once a month when I first joined, it is every day at the moment. Which is irritating and to be honest, shows a lack of imagination on the part of the OP. Find an area of MN you do like or go elsewhere. If it's not for you, do one.
In the nicest possible way.

McSnail · 27/05/2010 18:33

munches on her olives and takes a sip of wine

pagwatch · 27/05/2010 21:44

see.
Like I said
AIBU ops just want to be agreed with or they fuck off and sulk.

Tanga · 27/05/2010 22:09

Don't think it's just limited to AIBU - there are some very opinionated people on here who struggle to read quickly enough to keep up with threads so just post their prejudice, or who badger posters very unpleasantly. But that's just like RL, there are going to be people who don't agree, hold very strong opinions based on their personal experiences, or, my favourite, women who belittle, sneer at, undermine and taunt other women in the name of 'feminism'.

I think the rampant hypocrisy is more unsettling.

scottishmummy · 27/05/2010 22:32

some of you navel gaze too much.who cares about scraps on mn.argy bargy happens,it is no biggie

inevitably if you get a large group together you will see divergent opinions.mn is a discussion forum.One should expect robust discourse

but essentially log off and switch off

Cicatrice · 27/05/2010 22:35

No, I don't think so.

2shoes · 27/05/2010 22:37

why are there so many threads moaning about mn?
if people don't like it, why stay, there is no contract, you can leave when ever you want

separated · 27/05/2010 22:39

I agree in part with the OP.
I was extremely worried when I posted, recently, for some much needed help.
I was hugely relieved that I received absolutely no comments that would upset me. I have had so much support, for which I am so grateful.

Joolyjoolyjoo · 27/05/2010 22:48

I like reading and do sometimes post in AIBU. But I have never told anyone to "fuck off". It is possible to suggest to someone that they might be being a little bit unreasonable without being nasty, especially if you can back your reasoning up with a sensible argument.

I admit, I don't really like some of the "bluntness", as I don't really see a need for it. I thought it was meant to be debate (swapping of ideas and opinions/ pov) as opposed to just argument (swapping of insults) To me, reading pages of people telling each other to fuck off in new and inventive ways is a bit dull. I prefer to see clever argument, in measured tones, personally, but hey, it's not MY forum, so I guess everyone is free to post as they see fit (so I'll just fuck the fuck off and hide the thread if I don't like it, shall I? )

foureleven · 27/05/2010 22:49

I only got to kerrymumbles but had to say heehee nice one, made me laugh.

EmilyStrange · 27/05/2010 22:49

I think people stay yet "moan" about mn because the forum is so contradictory. I have seen threads that make you almost cry at how kind and supportive people can be towards each other and seen the exact opposite. So you want to stay to see more of the first but wish there wasn't quite so much of the latter. If that makes sense.

Merrylegs · 27/05/2010 22:57

One of my first posts was on AIBU and I found it incredibly cathartic actually.

I was CONVINCED I was in the right and DH was in the wrong and was AMAZED that most people sided with him.

After the initial "whaddya mean I'm BU?!" It made me think 'yeah I have been a bit controlling and bossy here' and I kind of cut him a bit of slack after that. It was a lesson learned. I liked the experience.

I say don't post if you're genuinely not interested in the answer to your AIBU.

foureleven · 27/05/2010 22:58

EmilyStrange I think EVERYONE on here without exception is kind and supportive when they can tell someone really needs it.

Its a bit like my relationship with my sister, we fight and argue and disagree on EVERYTHING but when it comes down to it we're there for each other.

I dont know why so many people are scared of people disagreeing with them and expressing it it a strong manner

jasper · 27/05/2010 23:33

agree with you Eve

maryz · 27/05/2010 23:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Eenteresting · 27/05/2010 23:43

I agree with the people saying that if you post on AIBU you need to:
(1) consider that you might be BU and
(2) have a thick skin regarding the comments
When I have read threads I have sometimes thought 'that is harsh!' about comments to the OP but mostly after reading through the whole thing I have thought that, yeah, there was a point to be considered and the OP would be better off for knowing that.
Second ever post by moi! I am amazed at my daring!

bibbitybobbityhat · 27/05/2010 23:45

You said it Mary.

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