Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have sworn at my 8 week old baby?

92 replies

chesgirlNOTgriffins · 27/05/2010 13:23

What do you think?

Is it ever acceptable to use the F word when talking to a newborn?

I had a rare quiet moment with my DC5 last night.

I sat making goo goo eyes at him and taking in his lushiousness. I was talking rubbish baby talk. You know 'who is a little lamby boy, who is my little piglet den' (I know its not just me so dont make that face).

When all of a sudden 'are you a little monkey fucker' slipped out

I dont know where it came from! Blame the monkey thing on those bloody sweet adverts where people go all dysphasic when then have a fruit gum. Ive been calling my kids monkey trousers ever since.

So do you think I have damaged my dear little boY? I dont usually start swearing at my kids till they are at least 5 or 6.

OP posts:
Sithmummy · 27/05/2010 14:02

Thought I was the only one who swore at babies in a sing-song voice.

You must die, little bastard,
You must die.
You must die.
On the way home.

Can't remember the proper words now!

Original poster
chesgirlNOTgriffins · 27/05/2010 14:11

sith

You are one hard mutha!

OP posts:
Amapoleon · 27/05/2010 14:19

Hahaha op, I have just spat tea all over the screen!

shinybootsofleather · 27/05/2010 14:28

This made me laugh. I accidentally called my 2-year-old niece a "rugmuncher" rather than a rugrat once. That is much worse IMO

RunawayWife · 27/05/2010 14:31

I once said to DH1 come her SFB

Please note DH1 does not have shit for brains

WilfShelf · 27/05/2010 14:33

Hilarious. I am going to be unable to think about anything else than Chimp Knob all afternoon when I'm working now...

And FWIW, I don't think it is bad to actually swear at your baby either. All the time, in its face, in a scary top of your voice way, once it can understand what you mean: those I have more worries about.

But swearing if it stops exhausted mothers going insane with frustration and sleeplessness, is going to do more good than harm, especially if it is a pressure release to prevent other, worse sorts of harm. Feeling angry with your baby does not a bad mother make, whatever all the deluded hearts, flowers and fluffy bunnies will try to tell you. Acting on that anger in a destructive way, that's another thing entirely and I'd wager swearing a bit is a good way to not act upon it.

Not that you were doing that you monkeyloving chimpknob freak.

moominmarvellous · 27/05/2010 14:46

Wherethewildthingsare - that made me laugh! issuing threats in cooing baby speak!

I've done this lots, and your brain realises what it's about to say when it's too late - you've said the bad word!

Most recent was the other day, DD (3) kept wandering into next doors shed (new fence going up so open plan at the mo) I'd called her out for the 10th time and I said 'Come on out and stop being a nosey little bi...uuuh..umble bee'

I almost said bitch!! But I wasn't even thinking that word - swift change at the last second but I think the neighbours knew what was on the tip of my tongue

moominmarvellous · 27/05/2010 14:49

Teehee @ rugmuncher!

Reminds me of when I called my little nephew a 'little nonce' I was only about 9 and my sister was horrified 'Moomin! Do you even know what that word means??!!' I sheepishly said no and she just said it was something bad and not to call him it again. And I never did.

SirBoobAlot · 27/05/2010 14:50

PMSL

mumwifemaggie · 27/05/2010 14:54

I've done the "gonna throw you out the window if you don't sleep" singsong voice too! Thought it was just me so didn't tell anyone

What you find out on MN!!!

skidoodly · 27/05/2010 14:55

pmsl @ little nonce

WombFrootShoot · 27/05/2010 14:56

Brilliant thread!

Sithmummy · 27/05/2010 14:57

The tune was 'Wheels on the bus'

I'd been singing for hours and it just morphed into "I'll push your pram into the road"

Altogether now....

Into the road
Into the road

kitcat1977 · 27/05/2010 15:03

Haaaaaaaaaaaaahahhahahaha!! Have done similar but too tired to remember what.

Original poster
chesgirlNOTgriffins · 27/05/2010 15:19

sith you are a teeny bit mental, did you know?

Just to clarify - did I just get called a monkeyloving chimpknob freak on Mumsnet?

Cool

OP posts:
porcamiseria · 27/05/2010 15:31

my brother called his second child a cunt once, she was a very bad slepper but still, this was in conversation not to her face

I like to mention it every so often to him

Morloth · 27/05/2010 15:33

DS2 is MonkeyButt.

staryeyed · 27/05/2010 15:45

DS1 has autism and Pica and he eats bits of freyed material from the carpet. Dp watching him said "oh you little carpet muncher", having no idea what it means. I was doubled up so much I swear I nearly pushed DS2 out.

tums · 27/05/2010 15:50

If it wasn't chegirl who started this thread the replies would be a LOT different.

Mumsnet arse licking at its worst..

skidoodly · 27/05/2010 15:58

yes tums you are right, but these responses seem about right to me.

lots of hysteria about emotionally abusing a newborn would be worse than this

Oblomov · 27/05/2010 16:01

I really swore at ds2 when he was a few weeks old. I was so sleep deprived and i couldn't cope with his constant crying anymore. when i told my MN PN thread, we all agreed that it wasn't cool, but that it was understandable.
some of you are very moralistic.

Sithmummy · 27/05/2010 16:04

I'll throw you out the window, watch you fly,
Watch you fly,
Watch you fly....

DH was also a little bit perturbed by this with ds1. But when I offered him the chance to pace the living-room with grumpy baby for four hours a night, he shut up!

Was just shocked by school-gate mum calling her 10-year-old a 'smart-arse'. Double standards?

Sithmummy · 27/05/2010 16:09

chesgirl you could change you name to MonkeyLovingChimpKnobFreak then see who wants to lick your arse....

biddysmama · 27/05/2010 16:09

LEMUR BOLLOCKS...

i'm back from the school run now

Original poster
chesgirlNOTgriffins · 27/05/2010 18:03

Am I really that beloved on MNs that I can say whatever I like?

Really

Cooooool

tums that was a mean post by the way.

OP posts: