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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being petty about this? You decide.

56 replies

Selfishlaptopuser · 27/05/2010 11:44

I have a lap top. I have managed to keep the existance of this lap top secret from my ex h for over a year now. We also had a family pc so it never really was a problem. Now the family pc is broken and can't replace it right now so ds big gob is using my lap top and has told ex h that I have it. I have not confirmed this just blanked him when ex asks about it.

My problem is this. When we were together ex h had a drink and gambling problem and pawned all our stuff on various occasions, wedding and engagement rings, tv's, Wii, Playstations etc. This is the reason I kept the lap top hidden.

Now he knows I have it he keeps moaning about how petty I am being not letting him use it when he comes round to spend time with the kids (I know everyone will say why is he spending time at yours etc, etc but he has to atm) and how he needs to be able contact me on MSN re kids etc.

So AIBU denying its existance and also refusing to allow him to use it?

OP posts:
Original poster
Selfishlaptopuser · 27/05/2010 11:46

Oh also to clarify why he feels he has so much to say about it, I paid for the laptop out of some of a bonus he recieved from work and gave me 10% of.

The rest of the bonus he spent pretty much on himself.

OP posts:
BibiThree · 27/05/2010 11:46

Er no. It is YOUR laptop, he is your EX husband, it is really none of his business.

RedRedWine1980 · 27/05/2010 11:47

Im confused why you would need to a)justify to your ex you have a laptop and b)allow him to use it. Most librarys have computers with internet access- its not your responsibility to keep him connected to the world wide web!

Karmann · 27/05/2010 11:47

Not petty at all. It's yours end of. If he wants to use any of your things when he comes round to see DCs get him to run the hoover round.

MrsYamada · 27/05/2010 11:47

I wouldn't deny it's existence, I'd actually big up how good it is, but I'd tell ex h that it's MY laptop and he can't use it. (Then hide it so he can't nip off and pawn it).

GeekOfTheWeek · 27/05/2010 11:48

How can he contact you on msn if there is only one laptop?

If he has history of pawning stuff then I wouldn't let him near it. In fact, I wouldn't let him near it anyway.

BallpointPen · 27/05/2010 11:49

No. He is your ex, you owe him nothing except access to his children.

stealthsquiggle · 27/05/2010 11:49

So he spends time at yours and wants your laptop just so that he can MSN you?

YANBU. He can text you. What have you been doing to keep him away from it if he is there and you aren't - taking it with you?

DuelingFanjo · 27/05/2010 11:49

He's your EX. WTF does it have to do with hime.

oiteach · 27/05/2010 11:49

Why does he need to msn you if he is at your house anyway?

Hide the thing or take it out with you if you are not going to be there and tell him it is nothing to do with him.
He is your ex.

FabIsGoingToGetFit · 27/05/2010 11:50

Did you tell your son not to say anything?

YANBU.

Original poster
Selfishlaptopuser · 27/05/2010 11:50

Not petty at all. It's yours end of. If he wants to use any of your things when he comes round to see DCs get him to run the hoover round.

.

Might say that to him, can just see the steam coming out of his ears now.

OP posts:
oiteach · 27/05/2010 11:51

Also... (on a roll now) wtf is he pissing about on a laptop/pc when he is supposed to be SPENDING TIME WITH HIS KIDS!!

DemonChild · 27/05/2010 11:51

If he's coming round to your's to see the kids, why does he need to go on the laptop? Surely he should be spending time with the kids?

YANBU, totally.

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 27/05/2010 11:52

Not petty at all. It's none of his business.

Original poster
Selfishlaptopuser · 27/05/2010 11:52

No he wants to be able to MSN me when he is at work or his own home etc but with me denying the very existance of the lap top he is unable to do that.

No I didn't tell my ds not to say anything, didn't want to encourage him to lie to his dad, just hoped it wouldn't come up.

OP posts:
DemonChild · 27/05/2010 11:52

x-posts, oiteach

posieparker · 27/05/2010 11:53

He's your EX and it's your property, you don't have to share at all!

isthatporridgeinyourzone · 27/05/2010 11:53

YANBU. Perhaps you can hire it to him at an hourly rate. With a damage deposit, obviously. In cash.

oiteach · 27/05/2010 11:56

He doesn't need to msn you! He can TALK to you or PHONE you or TEXT you!!

He is making me quite cross.

stealthsquiggle · 27/05/2010 11:58

Oh - the MSN thing is about denying existence rather than access then?

Well, that cat is out of bag. Admit you have it, none of his business how you funded it, NO WAY can he use it - it's yours. End of.

Original poster
Selfishlaptopuser · 27/05/2010 11:59

Thank goodness. He has this way of making me feel like a right petty t*at. But once again I am vindicated by MN.

OP posts:
Original poster
Selfishlaptopuser · 27/05/2010 12:01

As soon as I admit I actually have a lap top, it will be things like "Oh ds we could play a computer game if Mummy would only lend us her laptop" making me look like an arse in front of dc so best just to avoid all talking about it or its usage. That is why I remain silent on the subject.

OP posts:
warthog · 27/05/2010 12:03

keep doing what you're doing. he's a knob for asking you to use it.

stealthsquiggle · 27/05/2010 12:03

But he does know now - if DS has told him - so presumably you are getting that already?

I would answer with a blanket "sorry, no, it's mine" and refuse to engage (easier said than done, I know). Perhaps he should buy DS a replacement PC if he is that bothered?

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