to not bother taking dd3 to parties?

[Dancergirl]

Dd3 is 3 and started nursery in January. So of course the party invitations start. I find now that I'm finding these parties a real pain. Firstly they're always at an inconvenient time for us, eg lunch time, you have to stay with them, I don't see enough of my older children as it is so want to spend the weekends with them and we value our family time together. Plus (I feel a bit guilty admitting this), I find parties really boring! Probably cos it's the 3rd time round - I was probably much more enthused with my older dds! It's just doing the hokey-cokey for the millionth time is doing my head in. And half the time dd ends up sitting on my lap anyway.

So am I being a bit mean to dd to say no to quite a few parties? She's still quite young and has got years of parties ahead of her.

Am I alone?!

erm.. i dunno, i take ds cos he loves parties, its not like they are every week... also i find its a good way to chat with the other mums and get to know them, ive made some friends that way

I appreciate small children's parties are something of a trial, and she probably won't really be that bothered. But as a youngest child, I feel you ABU to complain about it being the third time round. It's the first time for her, and it gets a bit frustrating when you are the littlest that everyone's 'been there done that' [clearly still has issues emoticon]

I am an anti-social weirdo and my idea of the seventh circle of hell is a party.

That said, dd is 6 now, and since the party invites started when she was 3 and at nursery, I have taken her to every single one unless she was sick (like yesterday evening, we managed to escape softplayhell for once )

I do it for her, because (selfishly) the more networking she does at these parties, the more friends she has, and also for myself, for similar reasons.

The children do love them, and, as you know because you've done it all before, the party-age-period doesn't last that many years. This year we've definitely had fewer invites

Kurri has said exactly what I was going to say - I'll join her on the 'youngest child and still a bit chippy about it' bench.

I too hate parties but I have taken every one of mine. You say you dont enjoy them but its more than your enjoyment its about socialising your child with people outside of your imidiate family and it is about her having fun so yes YABU if you dont take her (doesn't meant you have to go to everyone do every 2nd )

remember our children see so much more than we realise so for example you may feel you are doing nothing whilst she is at a party but she will see you are there for her and that is what she will remember reminds me of this poem

WHEN YOU THOUGHT I WASN'T LOOKING

When you thought I wasn't looking,
I saw you hang my first painting on the refrigerator,
and I wanted to paint another one.

When you thought I wasn't looking,
I saw you feed a stray cat,
and I thought it was good to be kind to animals.

When you thought I wasn't looking,
I saw you make my favorite cake for me,
and I knew that little things are special things.

When you thought I wasn't looking,
I heard you say a prayer,
and I believed there is a God I could always talk to.

When you thought I wasn't looking,
I felt you kiss me goodnight,
and I felt loved

When you thought I wasn't looking,
I saw tears come from your eyes,
and I learned that sometimes things hurt, but it's all right to cry.

When you thought I wasn't looking,
I saw that you cared,
and I wanted to be everything that I could be.

When you thought I wasn't looking,
I looked and,
wanted to say thanks
for all the things I saw when you thought I wasn't looking.

(author unknown)

That's a lovely poem Lonnie!

What a lovely poem.

I do think little ones love a party, and it is sad if a little kid never gets to go to them because their parents don't have a good time. I know a Mum who rarely takes her dd because by her own admission she is too tight to buy a gift (they aren't struggling financially) and it is quite a shame.

Helping them to be sociable is quite important, IMHO (but you do have my sympathy, I hated the ones when they are very little as well)

Take her, it's unfair that she misses out, but just remember the benefit of parties, in a year or so you will be able to leave her there and do something with the older ones for an hour or so, however if you don't take her to any parties she will stop getting invited.

They were hell for me too as dd was so shy she'd burst into tears every 10 seconds (but never wanted to miss a party ) I thought it was good for her to mix in different social settings. Also it will help her to bond to her class mates. I'm also the youngest of 3, so will join kurri and poleda on the bench

I'm on the bench too, 3rd child, everything had been done before my arrival, trips to zoo etc, I think you need to make the effort, maybe not to all but certainly to some.

Have you seen this thread here ?

That is why you should bother taking your dd to parties. Its still not about you !

I'm with kurrikurri, Poledra, minipen and Mowgli(4th child in my case). I can see it's boring etc but think of it as time to spend on her as an individual. I still love visiting my parents when my sisters aren't around as I get them to myself.

I don't like children's parties tbh, but they're not for my benefit, they're for DS's and the other LOs, not to mention the birthday child. My DS loves them and presumably the child whose party it is wants him there so I take him. It's all about sacrifice (apparently)

Could you take it in turns with your partner to take her? That way you could perhaps get some quality time with your other children?

Thanks for all your replies and a bit of a dose of guilt now! Must make more of an effort.

Yes of course it's about the child not the adult. And dd doesn't do too badly being a third - if anything she does better in some ways as she has more time with me, more outings when the girls are at school, sees friends, the park etc. She is very sociable. I do intend to take her to more parties as she gets older, 3 is quite young to start having/going to parties. It's all change at the nursery next year too as a lot of children are leaving to go do school nurseries and dd will be in the older class when they'll all turn 4 during the year. I'll have no excuses then!

Please don't feel guilty - we're just championing the youngest child (spoilt brats that we are according to common belief!) Sounds like you do spend alot of time on her and I think we all understand about time constraints and the endless parties at certain times of the year.

Agree with everything said above. It's for the child etc.

And sometimes they can be fun for the grownups too. I'm an entertainer and I often have the grown ups telling me that they've had a great time. Also this weekend I entertained the children in the garden and the mum's sat drinking wine and Pimms and having lunch and a chat. I don't think the mum's could actually believe that they got two hours of relaxation on a Saturday lunchtime in a lovely, sunny garden!

Around here most of the children get dropped off for 3 year olds birthday parties, only a few parents stay. What's the norm where you are? I also find they join in better when they don't have you there.

op Take her, she only hasone childhood remeber',although I get your points.
LONNIE that poem is so lovely.

Don't feel guilty Dancergirl, as Happyseven says - us 'youngests' can be a bit chippy about these matters I do appreciate that all these pre school parties can get a bit much and intrude on family time and other activities(which she no doubt enjoys just as much if not more than she would a party)