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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be mortified on behalf of my friend re. her partners reaction to her c-section scar?

58 replies

ScentedLovePuff · 24/05/2010 08:50

I know I'm sticking my oar in, but my friend (who isn't a mumsnetter but has said she doesnt mind me posting this anonymously on her part) is in bits!

Basically, she had a c section 6 months ago, and last night her partner admitted to her that he no longer found her physically attractive as he was 'repulsed' by her scar, and the thought of it disgusted him. He suggested they have a seperation.

I kinda get it a bit as I had a section too and it took me 3 weeks to build up the confidence to stand in front of the mirror lift up the rolls of flab and look at my incision, and I still don't like it very much now, but feel that what he said to her was hideous!

AIBU?

OP posts:
Oblomov · 24/05/2010 09:52

oh i love scars , me. makes someone even more interesting. something has happened to them, either medical, accident or adventure. but then i am a bit wierd. being a scar lover. dh has loads. two of my work colleagues have great ones.

but this ? is odd atleast. more to it, surely. wonder what her dh was like pre birth ?

jellybeans · 24/05/2010 09:55

YANBU

What a twunt face.

Poledra · 24/05/2010 09:57

I remember when I was waiting to find out if they were going to operate on my appendix when I was pg with DD2. An Australian senior registrar (or whatever they're called these days) came to talk to me and say yes, they were going to operate but I'd have a big scar because they couldn't do keyhole on a very pg woman. I was petrified and tried to make a joke about never wearing a bikini again, as I already had a section scar.

This guy looked me straight in the eye and said 'Or you could be proud of your body and your scars, what you've been through and survived, and the beautiful children you'll have beside you.'

I think I loved him at that point

GoldenSnitch · 24/05/2010 10:06

That's a lovely story Poledra

I'm covered in stretch marks on top of my c-section scar and DH has never said a word other than to say our beautiful children are worth it and he thinks I'm gorgeous.

The section scar will fade but the man in the op will always be an arsehole.

chipmonkey · 24/05/2010 10:10

Rollmops, hard though it may be to believe that there are some utter fuckwits of men in this world, , it's not nice to immediately assume this is trolling.

I have heard of men feeling asexual towards their partners after seeing them give birth but IMO, women are better off without these dickheads.

izzybiz · 24/05/2010 10:15

There is more to it.

A scar that rins along your bikini line is not something that has to be looked at (if you were genuinely a bit squiffy about scars!), I had surgery in the same place and nearly 4 years on you cannot even see the scar!

He is using it as an excuse for something that runs deeper, sorry OP, he is a twat!

femalevictormeldrew · 24/05/2010 12:52

"He suggested they have a seperation"

I would seperate his head from his body. The b*llocks.

femalevictormeldrew · 24/05/2010 12:53

Sorry I mean separate

MisSalLaneous · 24/05/2010 13:09

Either he feels he's got the perfect excuse to separate (in which case, if it wasn't the scar he'd have looked for something else), or he has issues - perhaps scared of pain / scars. If he was willing to see someone about those issues, he could overcome them, but this doesn't seem to be an option here.

I'd say let him go, but get yourself as good a settlement as you can. Bloody hell, if this is just a "looks" thing, I assume he wasn't planning on sticking with your friend to her old age anyway.

PatsyStone · 24/05/2010 13:16

What a nasty man. There must be more going on.

My dh calls mine (and the assortment of stretch marks) my battle scars, and he means that in a nice way.

ChippingIn · 24/05/2010 13:23

This has to be 'THE post of the day'

By femalevictormeldrew Mon 24-May-10 12:52:05
"He suggested they have a seperation"

I would seperate his head from his body. The b*llocks.

He either needs councelling (there are people who genuinely have a fear/uncontrollable loathing of scars - watched an interesting documentary on it once!!) or to, as femalevictormeldrew suggested, have his head separated from his arse' - only your friend knows which?!

Meglet · 24/05/2010 13:25

fuck me. My XP was an abusive twunt but even he was fond of my cs scar (s) as that's where our babies came out.

YANBU.

dinkystinky · 24/05/2010 13:31

He is a twunt - she had his child ffs! How dare he insult her body which has done a truly amazing thing and use it as an excuse to suggest a separation (I agree with other posters that there must be more to it than this)! Your poor friend - am so on her behalf. YANBU and its definitely not her issue, its his.

poppymouse · 24/05/2010 13:48

Dear me. I had a traumatic delivery but on the bright side the alternative to ventouse, forceps and/or C section, would be dying in childbirth. I know what I choose, so the guy is lacking perspective to say the least. When I was a bit down at the state of my tummy, DH would say "Don't say that, that was DS's home for 9 months".

peppapighastakenovermylife · 24/05/2010 13:55

What a horrible man.

I feel awful for her and awful for their child - who on earth allows something like that to break up a family?!

BalloonSlayer · 24/05/2010 13:55

Yeez what a twat.

Agree there must be something else going on and he hasn't the courage to admit it but has manfully decided to go for: "There is a mark on your body that you can't change, and I'm going to blame everything on that and make you feel utterly shit about yourself so hopefully after I dump you your self-confidence will be so low you won't try to replace me. That way I can come back to you - and you will be grateful - if by some bizzare happenstance twenty nubile women do not fall at my feet ten seconds after I announce my new found availablity."

Morloth · 24/05/2010 13:55

She can definitely do with losing a useless flap of skin.

There is something/one else going on and he wants a quicky divorce,I suggest she gives it to him.

BalloonSlayer · 24/05/2010 13:56

That's not how you spell bizarre now it it. Is it right this time?

MadamDeathstare · 24/05/2010 14:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TubbyDuffs · 24/05/2010 14:27

OMG I have three scars, I would make him positively vomit if he saw me!

I agree with the general consensus that he is a total fucktard!

giveitago · 24/05/2010 14:47

sounds like something else.

I have a horrible slanted scar as my skin doesn't heal.

I'm proud of it as that scar reminds me of how my ds was born safely.

This guy sounds a complete arse - it's most certainly about something else so what IS is his issue.

SalFresco · 24/05/2010 14:56

I like my CS scar - I imagine myself in the scene in Jaws where they compare scars as the police officer with only his appendix scar to offer!

I can, in principle, understand being squeamish about a scar - when pg with DS2, my scar from DS1 felt very tight - it needed massaging with cream, but I couldn't do it, and DH had to. I do still feel a bit weird about touching it. But suggesting they seperate is something else entirely, and suggests he has latched onto it as a "get out" Your friend must be a really lovely person if he had to go so low to conjure up a reason to split...

MrsOCD · 24/05/2010 15:01

Her DH probably doesn't care about the scar. The cowardly piece of shite was just scrabbling for an excuse to leave her and his child.
My DH was worried about hurting it but not repulsed by it! It's where his babies come out from.
So sorry for your friend. I hope they can sort themselves out but just from what you've said, he's a long way to go.

mamatomany · 24/05/2010 15:03

I had major surgery that left my chest/trunk literally like a crossword puzzle 10 years ago and today it's a fine white line that is only really noticable in the sun, this man sounds like a complete idiot !
Tell her plenty of men wouldn't/won't care she needs to find one of them asap !

Thediaryofanobody · 24/05/2010 15:03

He sounds like a shallow pig, she'd be better off without him.