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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be mortified on behalf of my friend re. her partners reaction to her c-section scar?

58 replies

ScentedLovePuff · 24/05/2010 08:50

I know I'm sticking my oar in, but my friend (who isn't a mumsnetter but has said she doesnt mind me posting this anonymously on her part) is in bits!

Basically, she had a c section 6 months ago, and last night her partner admitted to her that he no longer found her physically attractive as he was 'repulsed' by her scar, and the thought of it disgusted him. He suggested they have a seperation.

I kinda get it a bit as I had a section too and it took me 3 weeks to build up the confidence to stand in front of the mirror lift up the rolls of flab and look at my incision, and I still don't like it very much now, but feel that what he said to her was hideous!

AIBU?

OP posts:
MrsC2010 · 24/05/2010 08:51

Urgh. Sounds like she might be better off.

ImSoNotTelling · 24/05/2010 08:52

Of course YANBU

What a horrible man

Sounds to me like he wants to separate for other reasons and is using that as an excuse. I mean FGS it's only a scar. Someone who loved someone would not behave in that way.

ImSoNotTelling · 24/05/2010 08:53

If my DH said that to me I think I'd say, OK then fuck off here's your bag.

(well maybe I wouldn't generally but if he caught me in this mood I would)

gingernutlover · 24/05/2010 08:53

there must be more to this than just a c section scar - surely?

To speak that way to your dp shows total disrespect and lack of consideration.

She got the scar giving birth to his baby - no it probably doesnt look pretty but so what!

Lonnie · 24/05/2010 08:53

Sounds like an excuse for somethign else to me..

and it was a horrid thing to say. I do hope she retaliated well ive had to look at your face for the last many years and have put up with it..

YANBU

pjmama · 24/05/2010 08:54

If that's the way he really feels, he's a pathetic, shallow twat and she's better off without him. Let him pack his bags and piss off.

I had a C-section and I quite like my scar, all part of the wonderful journey to motherhood for me. A real man would celebrate those changes with his partner and not revile her for something she has no control over.

I'm furious on her behalf!

OnEdge · 24/05/2010 08:56

Don`t let the door slam on your way out !!

OnlyWantsOne · 24/05/2010 08:58

Does he not see the connection between hic wife, his child, and the scar?

What an arse.

She probably is better off without such a vain bastard.

isthatporridgeinyourzone · 24/05/2010 08:58

What a shallow pathetic excuse for a man.

marriednotdead · 24/05/2010 08:59

What a shallow excuse for a man. That is so for your friend. Some people do have issues with scarring/deformities but this one brought his dc into the world, via a woman he's supposed to love. Lets hope nothing ever happens to his so perfect body eh
His loss if he wants to leave for such spurious reasons. There are millions of men out there that would love her and her scar, trust me. I had CS and breast surgery before meeting DH- he truly does not care.

marriednotdead · 24/05/2010 09:00

Sorry porridge, crosspost.

xstitch · 24/05/2010 09:00

Repulsed?? That man is weird, what a bastard.

HanBanan · 24/05/2010 09:01

I agree that there is something else going on...he sounds like a right nasty piece of work.

Even if the scar did freak him out a bit (why?!) then he should not use this as an excuse to dump her.

He's getting a seperation as quick as he can by saying something utterly vile to her.

What he's really saying is 'I'm a shallow idiot and know how to hurt you and by the way I'm off to sleep with other women'

Better off without him. Nobber.

BafanaBafana · 24/05/2010 09:03

That is such a very sad story. Your poor, poor friend. I know it is easy for a stranger to say, but perhaps she really is better off without this poisonous man in her life - in the long term. Your friend has done something amazing - delivered a baby into this world - and the scar is a reminder of that. Her DH should be bowing down to her greatness, not putting her down. Bastard.

I hope your friend has got some support from you and other friends. She will; need lots of building up and TLC in the coming months, I would imagine. My heart goes out to her.

goodnightmoon · 24/05/2010 09:08

it's a terrible story but how different is it from the millions of men who leave their wives for a younger model with nicer tits, etc.?

addictedisabigsisteragain · 24/05/2010 09:13

what a nasty self centred pig of a man. urgh. i am just speechless that anyone would be 'repulsed' at their partners c-section scar, its not like she had a choice, the baby had to come out one way or another.

i agree with the 'dont let the door hit you on the way out' sentiment.

and i really hope karma comes to b ite him on the arse

Poledra · 24/05/2010 09:16

He's an arse. My DH has never commented on my c-section scar off his own bat. Recently, I asked him about it and my other scar (appendectomy when 31 wks pg, so quite a biggy). He says he doesn't even see them anymore (6 and 4 years since the surgeries).

ImSoNotTelling · 24/05/2010 09:23

Gosh yes you're right goodnightmoon.

It's absolutely fine.

Lauriefairycake · 24/05/2010 09:24

It could very well be post traumatic stress as a reaction to the birth. Tell him to get some help. What he might mean by it is the following; he is terrified of it, he is worried about death, scared of the physical body - all sorts of things.

The above might apply if he's not a wanker who says stuff like this all the time. It can be horribly stressful for people seeing the person they love cut open and the realities of birth can be very hard to deal with by men and women.

Also six months is too soon, he might be finding fatherhood really difficult to deal with and may be projecting that anger/fear onto the scar/her.

expatinscotland · 24/05/2010 09:24

Methinks he's boinking someone else and is using the scar as an excuse not to get found out.

goodnightmoon · 24/05/2010 09:24

i certainly do not think it's fine. I think it's an outrage.

dawntigga · 24/05/2010 09:25

He's a shallow fuckwit.

SuccinctAndToThePointTiggaxx

MumNWLondon · 24/05/2010 09:25

Am horrified. What did he expect? Ok maybe only 25% chance of CS scar but also other "scars" like stretchmarks, and stretched out belly buttons - would he be just as repulsed by these?

I think there must be more to it? And what if he finds a new partner and she ends up with CS after having his child??? He is being totally hideous and perhaps childish - basically wanting partner to have pre baby body.

I don't have a CS scar but we joke that DH does as he had a hernia in the groin area. Over time (now 7 years) this has faded a lot. Presumably CS scars fade a bit too?

BariatricObama · 24/05/2010 09:28

he is an asshole. tell him she is repulsed by the fact he is an enormous walking anus.

also i had a section 6 years ago and tbh you would be hard pressed to find the scar now. but i was totallly freaked by it at the time and refused to look at it or touch it.

Rollmops · 24/05/2010 09:36

Ahem... trolling so early in the morning?
YAAWN