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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to consider egg donation?

75 replies

FrozenNorth · 21/05/2010 18:02

I'd quite like to be an egg donor. My friends and family think I'm slightly mad to consider it - it involves injections, ultrasound scans and surgical egg removal. The medical risks notwithstanding, they've also pointed out that there are ethical implications to contributing genetic material to a child I am unlikely to ever meet.

My rationale: I know a wonderful, loving family whose daughter was conceived via IVF with a donor egg. I'd really like to be able to help a family to have that kind of happiness. I have two daughters and since I'll turn thirty in a few years' time, now seems like a good age to donate.

I thought and thought about where to post this, and I'm still not sure I've found the righr forum for it, but I'm interested to get some feedback before I contact a nearby NHS fertility unit. Has anyone out there has ever considered it themselves? Or, if it's something that you don't think is a particularly good idea, I'd like to hear more about why.

OP posts:
mamatomany · 21/05/2010 18:15

OHSS is nasty and a very strong possibility, if you have other children to think of it's a big step.
6 months of your life being pumped full of hormones which make you fat and grumpy and snappy, you've got to really really be dedicated.

LeninGrad · 21/05/2010 18:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MumInBeds · 21/05/2010 18:21

You're not unreasonable, it's a great thing to do if you are medically and psychologically fit to do it. I would say that if you have a dh or dp it is important that it is something they feel able to support you with though.

ocdgirl · 21/05/2010 20:10

it's a lovely thing to consider. I don't see why it would take 6 months being pumped with drugs i had ivf twice and it was 1-2 months of drugs. i would say check out this web site, www.fertilityfriends.co.uk you should find all the info you need on there

goodnightmoon · 21/05/2010 20:13

YANBU. It's a wonderful thing to do. Eggs are so desperately needed in this country. I had IVF twice (then conceived naturally).

I didn't have any side effects from the drugs and I was on the highest dose they give. People have different responses, and I do have a friend who got OHSS, but I always thought it was a bit insulting for popular wisdom to suggest that everyone taking the hormones becomes some sort of fat, emotional wreck. It took about a minute a day to do the injections, for about 10 days, then maybe an hour or two for the egg collection (including sedation), plus a few scans along the way. Not that big a deal.

I don't know the normal protocol but I don't see why it would have to involve six months, as the poster above says. Unless you were having eggs collected six times, which seems an awful lot.

To me, it's as good as donating organs upon death. Infertility can be utterly devastating.

LadyBiscuit · 21/05/2010 20:15

I think it's a really lovely lovely thing to do if you are psychologically and physiologically capable. If I'd had children early I would have done it

EddieIzzardismyhero · 21/05/2010 20:15

"OHSS is a very strong possibility"?

Really?

I have had IVF, and no many many women in the IVF 'community' through sites such as fertilityfriends. I know very few women who've suffered OHSS.

I would definitely recommend looking at fertility friends and then book an appointment to speak to the fertility clinic.

I'm too old to donate, but my dh plans to become a sperm donor this year (fully appreciate this has no physical implications, but the same emotional implications in terms of fathering a child he may never meet - although you do know that you no longer have the right to anonymity?).

I think it's an incredible gift - I know several friends who have donor babies and the joy they have brought to their lives is immeasureable.

Good luck with your decision.

mamatomany · 21/05/2010 20:27

I have been on that site and through the process and every one of us got OHSS to varying degrees.
It's a pretty standard side effect and can be life threatening.

EddieIzzardismyhero · 21/05/2010 20:29

I think you were v unlucky mamatomany. None of my support group got it - and there were many of us.

freelancescientist · 21/05/2010 20:47

OHSS is really not that common but is a recognised side effect/danger of ovarian stimulation. In a good, well run clinic it affects 5% of patients usually very mildly. However, it is worse if you get pregnant, which you wouldn't as you are giving your eggs to someone else.

I'd say get in touch with your nearest unit and go along and get the information from the experts, and the counselling (which is mandatory). They won't put you under any pressure to go ahead until you are absolutely sure you are ready, and won't feel badly towards you if you decide it is not for you.

And good for you - sadly by the time my family was complete I was too old.

VigourMortis · 21/05/2010 20:51

OHSS is classified as mild, moderate and severe. Moderate and severe correspond to 5% of cases. Mild OHSS, is just feeling a little bit bloated.

We had IVF with a sperm donor because my partner cannot have children naturally and I am massively, enormously, passionately and everlastingly grateful to my donor. We both look forward to meeting him one day, if that's what our son wants.

I would definitely donate my eggs if I wasn't too old.

goodnightmoon · 21/05/2010 20:53

mamtomany, you are talking absolute rubbish - sorry to be blunt.

this is from the HFEA:

In 2005, Professor Adam Balen wrote a report on OHSS for the HFEA as part of the Authority's SEED (Sperm, Egg and Embryo Donation) review. The report found that severe OHSS occurs in approximately 1% of treatment cycles. The report was updated in 2008.

  • AND -

Ovarian hyper-stimulation syndrome (OHSS)

What it is: A potentially dangerous over-reaction to fertility drugs used to stimulate egg production.

It is very rare for this complication to occur with mild fertility drugs such as clomifene. Even with the powerful gonadotrophin drugs used in some cases, OHSS symptoms are mild.

In IVF and ICSI cases where a larger cluster of eggs are being stimulated to grow, 5% of patients develop some symptoms.

The serial scanning of the ovaries means that the clinic staff will be aware if you may be at risk of OHSS.

WidowWadman · 21/05/2010 21:09

Won't it be putting strain on your family? I mean side effects from hormones etc. I personally would not want to do this to my partner or my daughter.

Nancy66 · 21/05/2010 21:12

An awful lot of ill informed statements here.
OHSS is incredibly rare. The hormone treatment would last just a few weeks - not six months.

the most important thing to consider is that UK law dictatates that you cannont be fully anonymous - any offspring have the right to identifying information about you when they turn 18

ocdgirl · 21/05/2010 21:12

hello to fellow FF'ers i wonder if i know any of you

sorry for the highjack

expatinscotland · 21/05/2010 21:16

You will not be able to remain anonymous if you donate. If you are okay with that and its possible implications on your family, then it might be something to look into.

Nifa86 · 21/05/2010 21:19

I seriously considered this but I want to help people become parents not consider myself a parent to the children produced IYSWIM. The lack of anonymity means I cannot consider this for myself. But I have upmost respect for anyone who feels they can do this. I am pregnant at the moment but after the resting period after birth I want to continue donating blood and hopefully go on the bone marrow donor register. So well done if you do go through with this just make sure you think about all the future implications.

warthog · 21/05/2010 21:25

mamatomany is not necessarily talking rubbish.

different clinics specialize in different problems surely? It could be that mamatomany had a specific type of problem that made them all more susceptible.

you can't tell someone that their experience is rubbish.

but you can say that the extrapolation from their experience to the generalized norm is rubbish.

iyswim.

goodnightmoon · 21/05/2010 21:29

warthog, I didn't say her experience is rubbish, just her claim that OHSS is extremely common. If she had an underlying problem that made it likely she would develop OHSS, a clinic would not give her the drugs.
she described it as a pretty standard side effect, which it is not.

warthog · 21/05/2010 21:34

sorry, my bad

mooki · 21/05/2010 22:00

I'm considering donating at the moment too. I'm 33 with one daughter, not planning to have more. I've got the health form to fill in from my local clinic.

My mum is very worried that donating would somehow mean I wouldn't be able to have more children.

I'm very interested in the discussion. I 've read a couple of diaries on line including one from someone who did get mild OHSS.

mamatomany · 21/05/2010 22:59

Errr I had no underlying problems whatsoever, it wasn't me with the fertility issues and I'm sorry but out of every single member of my support group in the area on fertility friends we all suffered with OHSS, that's not a coincidence.
Different hospitals, all different problems and each of us suffered from bloating and discomfort right through to ITU.
It's a massive consideration when undertaking someting which ultimately won't even benefit you or your family and you have other young children.

Nemofish · 21/05/2010 23:52

Hi there ocdgirl

I was a FF regular for 2years... it saved my sanity!

OP I really hope you do donate eggs. They won't have mine

Kewcumber · 21/05/2010 23:58

I am an ex-IVF'er and has moderate/severe OHSS. I'm surprised mamatomany that everyone you know who had IVF had OHSS - I'm the only one I know who had it and then only for 1 of my three cycles. And it was easily and succesfully treated. Much more common if you are overweight or have PCOS - which of course you are more likel to statistically if you are having IVF.

treedelivery · 22/05/2010 00:01

I donated. It was very easy for me.

In terms of physical suffering, I had nothing more than period type bloating, PMT and a bit of tummy ache after the egg retrieval.
Mentally it felt solid, pure, calm and like giving someone a gift you know they will just love. Very exciting and satisfying.

I felt very safe both mentally and physically. I had faith in the medical team. I am confident that my motives and expectations are sound. My dh is supportive and we intend to tell our dd's about their shared ancestry at a time that seems right.

Eggy lady is in her 2nd trimester