to consider egg donation?

[FrozenNorth]

I'd quite like to be an egg donor. My friends and family think I'm slightly mad to consider it - it involves injections, ultrasound scans and surgical egg removal. The medical risks notwithstanding, they've also pointed out that there are ethical implications to contributing genetic material to a child I am unlikely to ever meet.

My rationale: I know a wonderful, loving family whose daughter was conceived via IVF with a donor egg. I'd really like to be able to help a family to have that kind of happiness. I have two daughters and since I'll turn thirty in a few years' time, now seems like a good age to donate.

I thought and thought about where to post this, and I'm still not sure I've found the righr forum for it, but I'm interested to get some feedback before I contact a nearby NHS fertility unit. Has anyone out there has ever considered it themselves? Or, if it's something that you don't think is a particularly good idea, I'd like to hear more about why.

People who donate eggs and sperms are not parents. They are the means by which other people become parents, regardless of the anonymity rules changing

I have donated eggs.

I was on track to be over-stimulated, so they adjusted my dose and all was well.

I would definately encourage you to do it. There was really only one day when I didn't feel too great but apart from that it was fine.

You have to have councelling and all the issues will be discussed.

Treedelivery . Do you think it has benefited you in any way? I bet your children will be very proud of you one day.

I get mild bloating and discomfort after my Sunday lunch! I'm sorry but I really don't think that's a massive consideration when we are talking here about giving a family a child that will be loved.

The painful part of IVF is the failure not the treatment.

Ladybiscuit- that's an interesting view but I think it's only one way of looking at it.

I couldnt be an egg donor purely because I know that I would not be able to detach myself from my biological child and feeling responsible for them. That child would be 50% "me", no matter who gave birth to it.

treedelivery- I hope you dont mind me asking, but do you get to meet the person you're donating to/ any right of veto or is it like being an organ donor?

TheBride - legally and morally biscuit is right which is why of course if you cannot take that attitude then you must not donate eggs/sperm.

I agree with Ladybiscuit. DS has a father and he's playing with him right now.

If we do our job properly he may be curious to meet the donor as is his right when he's 18, but he will not think of him as his 'father'.

Kewcumber- I know. It's just one of those things that I personally cannot get over/around.

It's not about how the child perceives me but about how I perceive the child.

I dont understand why, if the law is so adamant that the donor is absolved of all responsibility, why anonymity is not allowed.

theBride I believe the change from anonymity was made because so many donor conceived children felt it was their right to know of their donor. We are happy that DS will have the opportunity if he wants, in fact i prefer it to anonymity because he won't have anything 'missing'.

Of course my experience corresponds to male donors which I agree may be a different situation.

The removal of anonymity is in the interests of the child, not the donor (or indeed the child's parents). From what I've read, children seem to be more interested in getting in touch with siblings rather than their bio parent. You are not allowed to know who your eggs have gone to TheBride.

I wish there were another word to describe an egg or sperm donor rather than parent. Donating a cell is not the same as grown that cell into a baby and nurturing it and feeding it and caring for it. That's parenting.

Thanks for explaining. Will go now as dont want to hijack the thread but has been interesting and I'm in awe of people (male and female) who do become donors. It's just not for me.

I had bloating and discomfort, I don't consider that to be OHSS! It's just the result of stimming ur ovaries more than they're used to. Bit dramatic to say that's OHSS, which is much more serious.

I would love to be an egg donor, but although I am just about to turn 30 and have finished my family, I am very overweight and I think because of this I wouldn't be allowed to. If I loose weight and am still relatively young I will go ahead with it.
I am not bothered about being contacted by the child but I do have a slight concern about my DC's reaction. I would have to be sure when I told them that I was clear that I did this for altruistic reasons, not because there was anything lacking in my relationship with them iykwim.

My child was conceived by IVF and I remain extremely active in supporting others still undergoing treatment.

In my six years' experience of supporting many hundreds of others, only ONE PERSON got OHSS in any form serious enough to be hospitalized (48 hours on a drip). Maybe half a dozen others were considered "at risk" and were asked to keep a chart of their fluid intake/output. In an own-egg IVF cycle, if OHSS is a real risk, embryo transfer will be delayed (the embryos will be frozen) until the risk has passed but this will not be an issue in a donor cycle.

Typically the treatment involves a fortnight of downregulation to stop the body's natural cycle followed by approximately 8-10 days of daily injections to stimulate follicle production. There will usually be a minimum of two scans during the stimulation process to monitor response and growth rate and once the biggest follicles reach 17mm across, egg collection is scheduled for 2 days hence. Egg collection is a very straightforward procedure conducted under either sedation/painkillers or full anaesthetic (depending on the clinic). The eggs are sucked out from the follicles using a fine needle.

OHSS is primarily a concern to people with a history of PCOS (polycystic ovaries) which cases typically produce a large number of egg follicles (between 20 and 50) but a blood test prior to treatment will establish your natural FSH levels and this will be used to set a sensible start dosage (avoiding the risk of OHSS). If the first scan shows insufficient response, the dosage is simply increased. It is almost totally improbable for OHSS to reach its potentially life-threatening phase where IVF is involved because the patients are carefully monitored for precisely this complication so it will almost invariably be caught early, long before it could cause your organs to shut down.

Please don't be put off donation. The age cut-off is currently 34, I think, and there are SO FEW donors out there that many, many dreams are shattered for people who, through no fault of their own (such as premature menopause or cancer treatment) are unable to use their own but still long for their child to be related genetically to their husbands if not to themselves.

I wanted to be a donor but was rejected as too old (38).
HEFA are doing a big consult this summer about gamete donors, they are interesetd in hearing from anybody who feels affected (including people like me, who wanted to but was not allowed). I said that a blanket age cut off without considering other age-related factors was worth reviewing, especially as most people won't consider donating until after their own family is complete, and most people don't start having their own DC until 30 or so nowadays.

Email your input to [email protected].

I was/am donor to a known couple, they are friends of friends [you know those people you see at weddings, but wouldn't really invite to your own?] and got to hear about their troubles and just thought 'Oh God, here have my eggs, I have millions'. So I offered, through a mutual friend, and we took it from there.

Has it benefited me? Ermmm, gosh I don't know. It has made me happy for them, I am delighted they are getting their baby. I suppose I feel that they have basically won the lottery, and bloody marvellous it is too.
Have I benefited, well, no. Not really I suppose. Which I guess is the idea of gift giving, there is pleasure in giving - but only because you imagine how you would feel to get such a gift and you think it will be well recieved. I enjoyed the donation, and I enjoy the sucess of it, but I am mindfull that I didn't do it to be fulfilled or mad eto feel good or anything else. I did it to help out.

I guess that's why I am so confident this was the right thing to do. I do not feel bound into their experience and future life. They have their gift, they have what they needed - now they can get on and enjoy it.

I love them to death, they are a tight pair, a very close union. It was an honour to glimpse into another couple, their dynamic and their marriage. I love hearing about how they are looking at prams, and counting down to mat leave and so on. Bless them they have waited and waited for this. They have it and are enjoying t.

We intend to stay in touch, they plan to let the child - maybe children - know the dedication it took their mummy and daddy to make them. I am happy to know the child, and be known as part of the team that helped out in the background.

I'm also happy to gracefully withdraw if that is how their family dynamics work. This is their party after all.

I love it how it is now, I see scan pics and they are very knd to let me see these private things.

My own children will know. DD1 knows already, she is 5 an therefore has limited understanding. Dd knows I lent the lady something I had loads off, that she had run out of That makes perfect sense to dd. It seems like sharing and seems kind. We'll take it from there I guess.

My Brother and his wife went through years of IVF desperate to have children, but her eggs just weren't good enough. They now have 2 lovely boys through donated eggs. You are an angel to do this for someone I can't tell you how this has made their lives. It has given my SIL her life back. The boys are cherised, loved and want for nothing, they are the centre of their parents world.

If I were younger I would seriously consider egg donation after seeing what it has done for my brother.

I donated eggs a couple of years ago and I haven't regretted it for a second, infact I'm SO pleased that I got the opportunity to It was something I had wanted to do since my youngest DC was born.

Yes, it was a PITA having to inject myself for weeks and I was in a fair bit of discomfort afterwards but the warm fuzzy feeling is still there from the experience.

I donated altruistically, directly to the local fertility clinic and the only restriction(I could've put many restrictions on it e.g. age of recipient) I put on it was that they had to go the couple who had been waiting the longest. I obviously don't know who my 17 eggs went to and I could find out if a baby has resulted but I don't feel the need to. I did my part and I cannot do anything further to help. I have my children and that child/ren is thiers

Do look into it and get proper information before you go ahead(also talk to your partner about it, if you have one). They may offer counselling as well, which you may find useful.
My motto is that if you have any doubts whatsoever, then don't do it. You have to be 100% sure that it is the right thing to do.
Best of luck, you are a fantastic(and totally unreasonable ) person to even consider this

I couldn't do it purely because I couldn't think of there being a child that is biologically mine out there whose life I was not a part of.

And tbh, added to that the lack of anonimity raises far too many issues IMO.

I think it's much much easier to give up an egg than it is to give up a baby for adoption, because an egg is, as some have already said, just a cell and not a child - it's only potentially a child. But I'm really not so sure that the child would find it easier when he/she grows up, and currently there are no children old enough who have been able to trace their biological parents in order that it can be known how this affects them.

What happens for instance, if the child has not grown up in a happy household, and once they trace their biological parents they find out that they missed out on a happy childhood? Even if they wouldn't have been conceived were it not for the fact they were donated, I wonder if they would see it that way? Also what happens if siblings want to form a relationship with their half siblings in years to come? As small children they're not old enough to realize that mummy is giving an egg that is potentially going to be their biological brother or sister one day but that they can't have a relationship with them, but when they're older they will understand that, and want the relationship even if the parents don't.

Personally I don't think it's fair to existing children.

But it's obviously a personal choice, but I think that all factors need to be considered - even the ones that would make some people (like me) say that no, there's no way I would even ever consider it.

I think those are fair concerns wannaBe. I think my answers are

missed out on happy childhood - well no not really. They wouldn't have existed if their parents hadn't had them. They wouldn't be anyone else. They just sinply wouldn't be. People who have dfficult, painfull presents or pasts will rarely regret the fact that they live - Thank God. I think in the heat of anger and resentment an individual may be drawn to blame the one they feel placed them in scenario B rather than scenario A, but maybe with age/experience/love/care they may see that they, the child now adult, were born of very very pure motives.

siblings - we are hoping that because all the children will be aware that there are other children out there - who they see now and again - that they have links too, they will already have the 'tracks in place' as it were, to form friendships if they so desire. I can't imagine the whole sex thing, but I guess we will have to cross that uncomfortable bridge if we reach it. The odds are overwhelming that we will not though.
ANd indeed we all run this risk, as many complicate family setups are part of normal culture.
Anyone's father may have fathered anyones baby back in 1975 on a drunken night.

thnk that many siblings have angst, where one distances themselves and loses touch, or resents another for whatever reasons.
These are human dynamics that occur.

am of the mind that people are so unpredictable and that life is so fluid, there is little point looking for trouble. As long as good communication is there, and doors are always open, anything can be got through. Indeed, the 'standard' issue western family dynamic seems to throw up so many isuues, angst, stresses and strains that I am becoming convinced it is no sort of role model at all!

If the child that was my egg turns up in 15 years time and says s/he can't go home because someone is doing bad things to her/him, they will find safe refuge. But then I think I'd do that for any friend, any Godchild or indeed anyone.

I hope I show that those who do donate have generally really considered the various important issues that are very very real. I certainly did, and I am aware that this is uncharted waters in many ways.

And yet in some ways not. Certainly the technology and the science is new - yet the concept of sharing genes and offspring is not. Humans have, throughout all ages and cultures, given children to those with none [say, one of your own nine to a childless aunt and uncle] and also shared chld rearing [your baby being breast fed, clothed and reared by a lactating sister while you went to work in the mill]. I find this fascinating. It seems we still have to do this to make our human race function and happy, but in the age of science, it is science led.

Please feel free to insert 'i' and 'I' where ever seems good. I am havign trouble with i today!

I am aware that my first paragraph sounds totally sanctimonious, I typed in a hurry. I hope anyone reading gets what I mean.

In reality, I bet my children are more likely to want to live with them - they are richer and live in a fab part of the uk, are really funky and have lovely friends and family nearby, and are really jolly and light hearted

"currently there are no children old enough who have been able to trace their biological parents in order that it can be known how this affects them"

there are lots of donor-conceived children who are old enough to describe how they feel about their experience. I started a thread about donor IVF and a donor-conceived mumsnetter posted.

I think you are overcomplicating what a donor's other children would think.

There are many donor-conceived children in the US who have been able to trace their donors for years actually. As long as their parents have always been honest with them, they seem to cope with it pretty well.

And in response to your unhappy home point, I think that those of us who've adopted or used donor eggs or sperm to become parents have though very long and hard about what it means to be a decent parent and have planned it a lot more than most people have. I'm not saying that it makes us better parents but it does make us more thoughtful ones as a rule.

My partner and I are desperately looking for an egg donor to help us start a family.
We would love to hear from anyone who is interested in helping us. Please get in touch!

i think no-one has a guarantee their children will thank them for the accident of their birth, and so that is not a reason against helping someone else have a baby or having a baby by donor egg yourself.

i think if you weight up the discomfort/slight risk of complications from the procedure, you could make another woman very happy indeed - in the long run.