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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be annoyed that a grandparent would be bringing a book with him when babysitting a toddler??

99 replies

lovechoc · 20/05/2010 20:10

Today I had my dad over babysitting and he arrived with a book in his hand! I couldn't help but laugh and said 'you must be joking if you think you'll get peace to read a book!' but he just laughed.

later on he was in the garden with DS (3) and he was reading the book but not really paying attention to what was going on. It really got to me. I don't even read a mag when looking after DS because I can't get peace to read it. I don't even get peace to use the loo on my own either.

AIBU to think he shouldn't have been reading a book when babysitting?

Would be different if DS was a newborn and just slept all the time but he's an active toddler now and needs someone to be there watching him in case something happens.

Does anyone else's parents or in-laws do stuff like this?

OP posts:

gtamom · 21/05/2010 04:26

It should be ok in a safe area. I often read while ds's played at age 3. I wouldn't at a park or somewhere public, because I would definitely keep my eyes on him then, but in our own home or grandma's home where I know it is safe, I would relax.

LisaD1 · 21/05/2010 08:18

Blimey, I do all sorts while my 2.6yr old DD does her own thing, either in the garden or teh house, I personally think it's really good for them to have the freedom to roam around their own home as they want to. Our home is safe as is the garden, and I am always within earshot but certainly see no reason to be sat watching her all day.

I would love my own dad to come over with a book, the fact he had come over would be fantastic, instead my DC have gp's that couldn't give a toss about them

abr1de · 21/05/2010 08:21

I used to read while I watched my toddlers.

Not all the time, but why not?

PuppyMonkey · 21/05/2010 08:27

I don't understand this - if he was babysitting for you, how come you saw how he was looking after the child? Don't you go out/do something ele when you have a babysitter??? Why were you spying???

I am on MN while my three year old is in the next room playing happily. Don't see any difference between that and reading a book. Some people aremore chilled out than you are.

hocuspontas · 21/05/2010 08:41

I think I'd start showing him that you are giving him less than 100% attention before the baby's born. Otherwise it's going to be a huge shock. How is he going to be able to cope all of a sudden vying with seven others at nursery and another one at home?

DottyDot · 21/05/2010 08:49

grandparents are great for doing stuff you wouldn't dream of doing as a parent - and it's really good for the kids I think.

I remember when ds1 was about 2 weeks old and dp and I hadn't put him down other than in his car seat or Moses basket. Dp's Mum came to stay and plonked him on the settee - I remember it (8 years later!) so clearly - wondering why we hadn't thought that we could actually put him down anywhere!!

Sometimes you need people that aren't going to pay 100% attention - and grandparents have done it all before..!

Original poster

lovechoc · 21/05/2010 14:00

I was in the house having a nap after I'd made the lunch for the three of us but I was around the house all the same. At the potty training stage so was around just to coax DS onto potty every hour or so.

Yes yes I've said IABU, it's fine!! And I do need to chill out a bit it seems - hope this fine weather will help a bit!

OP posts:

BarmyArmy · 21/05/2010 16:10

Isn't there a chicken/egg issue here?

OP says "I don't even read a mag when looking after DS because I can't get peace to read it. I don't even get peace to use the loo on my own either."

Maybe if you did read, instead of constantly watching your child, it would teach your child not to expect undivided attention?

And your Dad raised you, did he?

StealthPolarBear · 21/05/2010 16:17

lovechoc, I can kind of see where you are coming from. I have a 3yo and an 8mo, and a on mat leave. When I say to DH "what are we doing this weekend?" he says "I fancy sitting and reading my book all weekend".
Oh you do, do you?
Just becuase I'm not achieveing anything doesn't mean I'm not doing anything!

runnybottom · 21/05/2010 16:19

I can't think of anything more souldestroying boring than constantly watching a 3 year old all hours of the day. I'd say you've gone quite mad with the sheer dullness of it.

MaryAnnSingleton · 21/05/2010 16:20

YABU - toddler watching is soooo boring

sootysmummy · 21/05/2010 17:53

YABU - you don't need to watch a child of 3 like a hawk, they can usually entertain themselves for some time at that age (mine could anyway) You can read a book and still be aware of whether they are safe etc. Personally I can't stand people that stand over their children all the time, then wonder why they get no peace, give them some space, for gawd sakes!!

pagwatch · 21/05/2010 17:58

lovechoc

I am glad that you have blamed the hormones realised that YABU

A three year old does not need to be watched all the time. He really doesn't.

Grandpa simply has the good sense to realise that positioning a chair where child is in broadly in range and then reading is fine.

Children need to explore a bit, independent play is GOOD FOR THEM!

dorisbonkers · 21/05/2010 18:16

hahah. If only I had a parent that would look after my 19 month old ....

ChunkyChick · 21/05/2010 19:34

I think posters have been a bit unfair OP. YANBU if he intended to read his book the whole time and not interact with your ds at all. My dad came over to visit for a week when my ds was a newborn and my dd 2.5. He had his damn nose in his book the whole time, which really pissed me off, as he doesn't see them much. Why didn't he think to show dd a book or two? Or just play with her now and then.

Original poster

lovechoc · 21/05/2010 19:45

I asked a cousin today about it and she said 'but why didn't he play a game of football with him, or show him how to pedal his trike? surely he would have wanted to play with him whilst he was over babysitting!'. She was a bit surprised that he'd bring a book over when he hardly sees his grandson. She thought it would have been better for him to interact with DS rather than just sitting there reading a book.

OP posts:

hocuspontas · 22/05/2010 10:05

He's a babysitter not an Early Years Practitioner! Perhaps your cousin expects him to sit there recording observations on post-it notes and extend his play within EYFS guidelines

LadyBiscuit · 22/05/2010 10:11

lovechoc - don't listen to your cousin. She's bonkers.

Let it go, we're right and you're getting your knickers in a twist about something that really is unimportant in the grand scheme of things.

Any babysitter who prevents harm coming to my DC and who loves them is alright with me. It's good for children to learn that the world doesn't revolve around them

Plumm · 22/05/2010 10:24

If I lie on the sofa and tell dd (3) that I'm having 5 minutes she keeps herself amused while I have a snooze (often more than 5 minutes!)

sunshine2010 · 22/05/2010 10:46

and people wonder why kids have no imagination these days. yabu a 3 year old should be able to entertain themselves for some periods of the day

tryingtoleave · 22/05/2010 11:11

My 3 year old won't amuse himself at all and yet I still manage to read while I'm looking after him (and 18 month old dd). I've read three books in the last week - that's why my house is a tip.

StealthPolarBear · 22/05/2010 11:15

yes, but if a grandparent is coming to see a child then would it not be usual for them to do stuff with the GC rather than do benign neglectful grandparenting? When my parents come up to see DS they come up to see DS, not be in the same room as him while they do other stuff. If he goes to stay with them overnight, then fair enough, he fits in with their life and what they're doing to some extent, but for shorter visits they play/read with him!

LadyBiscuit · 22/05/2010 11:17

Well yes that's true stealth only if GPs see their GC very often then it's okay to just do their own thing IMO

runnybottom · 22/05/2010 14:08

If you are controlling with the children I suppose its not surprising that you are controlling with your parents/pil as well.

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