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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed that a grandparent would be bringing a book with him when babysitting a toddler??

99 replies

lovechoc · 20/05/2010 20:10

Today I had my dad over babysitting and he arrived with a book in his hand! I couldn't help but laugh and said 'you must be joking if you think you'll get peace to read a book!' but he just laughed.

later on he was in the garden with DS (3) and he was reading the book but not really paying attention to what was going on. It really got to me. I don't even read a mag when looking after DS because I can't get peace to read it. I don't even get peace to use the loo on my own either.

AIBU to think he shouldn't have been reading a book when babysitting?

Would be different if DS was a newborn and just slept all the time but he's an active toddler now and needs someone to be there watching him in case something happens.

Does anyone else's parents or in-laws do stuff like this?

OP posts:
Original poster
lovechoc · 20/05/2010 20:26

he'll be at nursery when the new baby arrives. so someone else will be watching him instead!

garden relatively safe although the times I have turned my back for a few mins something usually happens like he trips or stands in cat poo, or pesters the neighbours etc. so I just find it easier to watch him all the time, gives me peace of mind that I haven't missed anything.

OP posts:
ScreaminEagle · 20/05/2010 20:26

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plonker · 20/05/2010 20:26

So he brought a book, I really can't see the problem. As Rockbird said, it's optimistic ...it isn't negligent.

"If he can't handle looking after him he should just come out and say it."
Wow - that's rather a big leap from your dad bringing a book

YABU

colditz · 20/05/2010 20:27

he's three, not 13 months, he doesn't need to be helicoptored and it's detrimental to his independence and development not to step back and allow him to move himself around a safe garden without being followed.

Original poster
lovechoc · 20/05/2010 20:29

he did say he hoped DS would nap, and I said very unlikely. only does so in the car now, never in the home. I think he finds him v exhausting because he wants to constantly chat and know you've got his attention.

think a few posters have taken my comment the wrong way, either that or I've just badly worded it!

OP posts:
ScreaminEagle · 20/05/2010 20:29

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colditz · 20/05/2010 20:29

And if you think a nursery will eyeball him to the extent that you clearly expect, you are in for a VERY big shock. They can legally be watching 7 other three year olds as well as your own - he will be watched for an average of 5 minutes in every 40.

Hulababy · 20/05/2010 20:29

lovechoc - you need to relax a bit. When the baby is here i am sre Dh won't be at nursery all the time, so you will have two of them to watch. You can't possible supervise him all the time once you have a newborn as well. A little bit of freedom will be ok, honestly the majority of 3y will cope with you being in the vicinity but not watching their every move.

When he is at nursey you can be sure there will be times when he is not being watchd - the staff have too many other children to ensure every child is watched all the time.

MumInBeds · 20/05/2010 20:30

Children who see adults reading for fun are far more likely to gain an interest in reading and at 3 your DS shouldn't need hawk-like watching all the time so in this case I would say YABabU.

Mind you, maybe I have a different perspective as when my eldest was 3 I was WFH so couldn't watch him at such close quarters.

EdgarAllenPoll · 20/05/2010 20:30

YABU.

my dad sits reading his train book, and points at the pictures for DD...'See, that is 2-8-4 Pacific class...look at all the steam!'...

Original poster
lovechoc · 20/05/2010 20:31

I don't follow him around the garden every step of the way - I sit on a chair in the garden and watch him! He does actually play on his own like most 3yo's but can expect me to pay attention to what he's doing.

OP posts:
booyhoo · 20/05/2010 20:31

emm, your ds will not be at nursery the whole time when dc2 arrives you know!! there will be occasions (and trust me there will) where you havent the energy to open your eyes to see where ds1 is when baby is born. but you will cope and they will both survive. perhaps take a leaf out of your dad's book and relax a bit.

ScreaminEagle · 20/05/2010 20:32

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IMoveTheStars · 20/05/2010 20:32

I read MN while DS is playing out in the garden. He's in my line of sight, I can hear what he's doing, he's fine.

Mind you, I do seem to have developed eyes in the back of my head, which the GP's don't seem to have anymore

thecatatemygymsuit · 20/05/2010 20:34

totally unreasonable. A 3 yr old is perfectly capable of occupying self! Give your dad a break!

toccatanfudge · 20/05/2010 20:34

agree with the majority on here. Relax - let him have some freedom - so long as you can hear him and there's nothing inherently dangerous (which I'm sure there wouldn't be in your own home) he'll learn.

And believe me - watching them won't prevent any incidents - I'm from the school of neglectful parenting........but all of my DS's worst accidents have occurred when my attention has been 100% on them!

BendyBob · 20/05/2010 20:34

Hang on though, back in the mists of time when I only had dd and she was 3, I might (ok I was) a bit like this too. It was only when I had more dc, I learned how to step back a bit cos, well, I had to really.

It's hard to know how to be more laid back and give them a bit of space but it does come in time and out of necessity.

I might be too far the other way these days

Original poster
lovechoc · 20/05/2010 20:35

I think I'm so used to him misbehaving when I'm out and about that when I'm at home I'm still in panic mode incase he does something. I've given him freedom at the park and as soon as I'm chatting to another parent (you know, lettting him just get on with things) he's hit or scratched another child. I think that's perhaps where this stems from.

OP posts:
thisisyesterday · 20/05/2010 20:35

you actually sit there watching him???

god, to have the time to do that! lol

toccatanfudge · 20/05/2010 20:38

Bendybob - I definitely wasn't - DS1 got up to more mischief at 3 than DS2 did (whole bag of sugar over living room floor, tried to clean it up with wipes and the like).

Original poster
lovechoc · 20/05/2010 20:38

thanks for everyone's comments and giving me a reality check too. It was definately needed!! Yes I know that I'm going to have to leave DS to it when the second one comes along - like others I'll have no choice.

V on edge today because I'm exhausted and off to bed v soon to get some kip me thinks.

OP posts:
Tryharder · 20/05/2010 20:40

Agree with others. A three year old is perfectly capable of playing in a secure, child friendly garden without coming to any harm. As long as the grandparent was there, what does it matter if he was reading or not?

KERALA1 · 20/05/2010 20:43

Yabu and making me feel quite guilty . I took my book into the garden today and set my little girls off (3 nearly 4 and 18 months) on a game involving farm animals and a bucket of water, the little one also had a ball, then sat on a comfy chair and read my book. They pretty much pottered around. Hope nobody calls social services...Lasted until they decided they wanted to read too so had to switch to Meg and Mog.

laweaselmys · 20/05/2010 20:44

I see you have changed your mind. So I hope you enjoy your future magazines, OP!

I let my 14mo play while I read in the garden. She is pretty independent and the garden is both tiny and very safe though...

OldMacEIEIO · 20/05/2010 20:49

A book ??
mine came around with twelve cans of fosters. which was very unreasonable , because he didnt offer me one

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