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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think its ok for my responsible 13 yr old to babysit for my freind?

83 replies

NannymcDeb · 20/05/2010 18:57

What do you think? She is 14 in september and is very very good with children, has a natural way with them, and they all adore her.
Whenever she comes to my toddler group with me the children flock round her.
She is calm, patient and sensible, but I am worried that she is still too young, dunno, thoughts anyone????

OP posts:

slushy06 · 21/05/2010 10:53

I was 14 when I used to look after my friends boys I was very responsible. Two had behavior issues and were aged 7 and 11 and the third had ADHD aged 9.

The parents paid me 20 pound to look after them for a evening once a week and the father was dubious because he thought I was a bit young and the last person was 30 and unable to control them.

However I turned out to be the only babysitter they had had who could control them. I made sure they were entertained kept a routine of what we did everytime. I also realized that the 9yo boy with ADHD did not react well to being shouted at or told or commanded so I simply asked nicely and we got on great. 13 is not too young imo but I would go on stand by for if she needs help.

curryfreak · 21/05/2010 10:58

Slushy, i'm sure you were very responsible and mature, but the fact is you shouldn't at that age be having to deal with this kind of thing.
I wonder if it was the case that nobody else would look after them, so they chose a 14 year old, who, with respect knew no better!

slushy06 · 21/05/2010 11:05

They only choose me after they saw them on a few occasions playing with my sister while I was watching them and seemed to be having no problems. They also only went to a pub that was literally 5 mins around the corner for over a year and called every 30 mins to check if I was ok.

But yes you are correct no one else would look after them not even their grandmother. But I honestly did not mind.

tots2ten · 21/05/2010 11:17

I have had a 14yr old babysit for me (I used to babysit her and her brother when she was a baby) I left her with 5dcs, dd1: 11yrs, dd2: 9yrs, ds1: 5yrs, dd3: 2yrs and ds2 1yr.

We always went out when the 2 little ones were in bed. Ds1 would go to bed shortly after we left.

I would not have left them with a 'stranger'. So if the dcs know your daughter, and she is happy to have them I would let her do it.

Original poster

NannymcDeb · 21/05/2010 12:42

Hi all and thanks for the input.. just to clarify a few points.
The children are very remarkably well bahved, they all get on well, know the routine that is NEVER (or rarely) swayed from, they KNOW they have to behave for me or my dd.
My daughter is very much waning to do this, I would NEVER force her to babysit anyones kids, but she loves them and has a natural affinity with them.
She has done this with me several times, so knows the routine.
The kids go to bed and stay there, never an issue, and my frend trusts my daughter implicitly, having seen her play with them and care for them before, also my dd is the only one who the 1 year old seems happy with when not with mum as he has got a bit clingy!

I'm looking into paediatric irt aid course fr her to go on, as i think its a very good idea.
Should there be any problems i will be ther in no time at all, obviously i take on board if one chokes, BUT I am first aid trianed and i will teach her what to do if the situation arises.

Again, thanks for the comments, and different thoughts on this, i really appreciate it.

OP posts:

curryfreak · 21/05/2010 13:06

I'm absoloutley dumbstruck that tots2ten could be so irresponsible! i would be calling social services if i knew that was going on!

CantSupinate · 21/05/2010 13:11

How helpful of you, curryfreak .

I wouldn't have a problem with it as long as you really are a phone call away, NannymcDeb -- and given that your 13yo has experience with tots in nappies and specifically knows that family well and its routines. Otherwise, it's a lot for a 13yo to manage without backup.

I didn't ask 14yo neighbour to babysit (she was looking for work) my 3 DC under 6yo because she didn't have good rapport with them, didn't know them or us really, I myself didn't know how to change a nappy at her age! But that was our situation, quite unlike yours.

CantSupinate · 21/05/2010 13:13

ps: I agree with the gist of what you're saying, OldMac!!

littlemissnice · 21/05/2010 13:20

Sorry but no way would I possibly leave my kids with someone so young. No matter how good she is with them, 1 spilt second is all it takes, I couldnt put such responsibility on someone so young.

curryfreak · 21/05/2010 13:20

At the end of the day op will do whatever she wants to do, or feels is right, and at least she has given it some considered thought.
Tots2ten on the other hand...
I'm not in the habit of agreeing with people so that they can feel better about their choices, if imo, those choices are wrong, and put children in danger.

tots2ten · 21/05/2010 13:46

LOL @ put my children in danger, apart from a neighbour there is no-one else I would trust to look after my dcs.

I gave it alot of thought before leaving my dcs with our babysitter, like I said I have known her from the day she was born, my dc's know her. I trust her.

I didnt agree with the op I said 'So if the dcs know your daughter, and she is happy to have them I would let her do it'

I was babysitting from the age of 14.

itsazoohere · 21/05/2010 14:36

My (just) 15yr old looks after a 2yr old sometimes-and has done for a year. They know each other well, and both his mother and I trust her implicitly. She has lots of experience as I have 3 other dcs, one the same age, whom she also looks after occasionally. I do ask for a friend of hers to stay and help if she is looking after my dcs in the evening, but that isn't because I think she wouldn't be able to handle the little ones (2yrs and 3yrs) but because my 9yr old dd and she fight constantly at the mo, and dd2 would behave for another teenager far better.

nappyaddict · 21/05/2010 14:46

I babysat from the summer I turned 14. The kids were 1, 1, 3 and 8. I knew the kids well and felt confident cooking for them, giving them their dinner, bath and bed.

mumblechum · 21/05/2010 14:48

Ds is 15.5 and babysits regularly but his rule is no under 3s as he doesn't feel confident with v young children.

posieparker · 21/05/2010 14:51

Way too young, I was her age or older when i looked after three children for a very long day. I had no idea how to look after children and pulled/dragged a two year old home from shopping because i hadn't taken a pushchair.

SuperSoph73 · 21/05/2010 14:56

Haven't read the whole thread but I used to babysit for my mum's friends when I was 13. Not for a whole day though, just when they went out for an evening. Also, we lived opposite them so that may have something to do with why I was allowed to babysit, I don't know.

IMO if you and your friend are OK with it then I don't see why she shouldn't be allowed to do it.

curryfreak · 21/05/2010 14:56

Just because there are 13, 14 15 year olds looking after children, does not make it right. You can try and convince yourselves all you like but you are morally and perhaps legally in the wrong!

GetOrfMoiLand · 21/05/2010 15:02

I wouldn't let my 14 year old dd babysit. She also hankers after doing it for her cousins (5 and 7) - both me and my SIL refuse to let her.

I wouldn't want to look after 4 kids of that age and I am in my thirties. I don't think a 13 year old is responsible or mature enough, however you dress it up.

Agree with curryfreak - if you permit this you are wrong.

red37 · 21/05/2010 15:18

I asked this question on MN a few years back along the lines of "Is there a legal age for babysitting" and the answer was NO...I think there should be one of around the age 14 mark taking into account ages of children, maturity of babysitter etc

I think some legislation should come into force over babysitting.. to let parents and children know of the legalities, so there is no issues arising and allegations of child neglect

mumtolawyer · 21/05/2010 16:13

I am confused. Are all our children so much less responsible, commonsensical, mature, etc than we were? Or are they just so unused to younger children that they are really incapable of dealing with them? Or, do we no longer trust them? If so, why? What is the difference between a 14 year old then (and I was babysitting and indeed au-pairing earlier than 14, for a range of families and including babies, though not for 4 at once) and now?

Why don't we trust our children the way we were trusted?

Raksha · 21/05/2010 16:41

i think it's really sad mumtolawyer. there are many many extremely responsible early teens, and i often leave my children with them.

i was responsible enough at that age. lots of guides/ d of e/ st john's ambulance kids out there. i am astonished that so many parents have so little faith in their children.

i can easily see my 10yo babysitting in 2 years. we have about 8 young people under 14 on our local babysitting list (all trained) - all quite happily looking after young children and knowing what to do if there is an emergency.

(some of the young people who are used to learning first aid regularly - scouts etc, are probably better people to have around than an untrained parent, tbh. maybe it says more about the people who would not trust a sensible 13yo, than it says about the 13yo...)

that said - the parent of the 13yo should have a far better idea of their capabilites than random internet users - 13yos are clearly all different, and not all of them would be able to cope.

nighbynight · 21/05/2010 17:00

After bedtime, and with you 2 minutes away, its fine, imo.

nooka · 22/05/2010 02:09

curryfreak, you may personally think this is wrong, but that has very little to do with any general concept of morality, and nothing at all to do with the law. Fourteen used to be a very standard age to start babysitting (I and most of my friends babysat regularly from 14-16), and as I said before in some countries babysitting courses are routinely offered much earlier (here in Canada, which is really fairly similar to the UK these are offered from the age of 11). When I sat there were very few families with mobiles, and no particular expectation of parents or other support minutes away. Nothing has changed in the last thirty odd years, so I'm not sure why it might be considered irresponsible to have a 14 year old sitting now.

jalopy · 22/05/2010 07:30

Nanny, no matter how 'good' the kids are, they still are unpredictable and excitable at that age. You can never guarantee they will behave impeccably and sensibly. It's too risky.

Too many youngsters for such a young minder.

Wineonafridaynight · 22/05/2010 07:41

People say that it wouldn't be a problem a few decades ago - I don't think it would have been a problem last decade!

I babysat twin babies from the age of 13 (family members). However they were in bed when I got there. I checked on them every half hour and one would wake up every so often.

I also babysat for a family with an 8, 7 and 2 year old when I was about 14.

These were all near to my family home so my parents would have been on call if needed as would my grandparents who also lived near by.

I also did a childcare course for babysitters when I was 13.

It depends on the individual child but if you think she can be trusted and will cope as well then let her do it. A responsibly nearly 14 year old can be far better than some 17/18 year olds in my opinion.

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