Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be angry at H for smacking DS for not giving him the remote control

64 replies

backtothedrawingboard · 19/05/2010 22:37

DS is nearly 9 years old. H smacked him on the bottom when he wouldn't give H the remote control because H was playing on the Wii and didn't want DS to turn the television over. IMO it was totally unnecessary and left DS with a red handprint and very upset. AIBU??

OP posts:
junglist1 · 19/05/2010 22:41

Wow

colditz · 19/05/2010 22:42

Do YOU think you're being unreasonable?

Really?

cupcakesandbunting · 19/05/2010 22:42
Biscuit
LordVolAuVent · 19/05/2010 22:43

If I were you, I'd pull H's pants down and give him a smack, the big kid. Dick. YANBU.

Smilehighclub · 19/05/2010 22:45

That's awful. What is h doing now? Does he think he was unreasonable.

Original poster
backtothedrawingboard · 19/05/2010 22:50

Yes he does think he was right to. Its the first time he's smacked him since he was about 5. It took me by surprise as I heard the smack when I was upstairs and they were downstairs. I'm a bit shocked that he thinks it was OK. He knows I don't like smacking as well.

OP posts:
pjmama · 19/05/2010 22:55

So he hit your DS because he was about to spoil his computer game? And he thinks that's okay?

Thediaryofanobody · 19/05/2010 22:58

YANBU I'd be tempted to ask your H to leave and not return until he'd undergone some intensive anger management.
Has be apologised to your DS yet?
Has your DS said if he would like to press charges?

Original poster
backtothedrawingboard · 19/05/2010 22:59

Yes he does. And he asked me not to have a go at him about it. So what am I supposed to do - put up and shut up??

OP posts:
pjmama · 19/05/2010 22:59

I'd chuck his Wii in a skip and tell him to bloody grow up.

Thediaryofanobody · 19/05/2010 23:06

No kick him out he assaulted a child and thinks it's ok!
Are you really going to just shrug your shoulders about it or do something about it?

larks35 · 19/05/2010 23:18

YANBU Not on! Your stupid H needs to apologise asap. It has to be said that my dad smacked us a bit (not at all often) when angry but he always apologised - always. Your H needs to make it up with your DS, that is really important for their very important relationship. If he ain't willing to do that then he may as well go, cos you've got another 9 years in which your DS will stew, seethe, rebel and eventually hate his dad, if that is how he is treated. (FWIW, even with the apologies I hated and feared my dad and therefore stewed, seethed and rebelled big time, fortunately we re-connected when I was in my mid-twenties, but that early treatment did mess me and my siblings up a lot)

melondrama · 19/05/2010 23:20

i agree with pjmama

but if my dh were to hit our dc it would be a shocking big deal that would change everything

Do you both usually smack your ds?

cupcakesandbunting · 19/05/2010 23:25

There's something in computer games that turn many grown men into twats.

My BiL called my nephew a "little twat" because he said that nephew took his turn on Donkey Kong.

ScaredOne · 19/05/2010 23:30

I don't think it was ok but was it a one off or do these things happen more regularly?
Do you know what had been going on beforehand?

Fruitysunshine · 19/05/2010 23:31

I wonder how he would react if it was an adult that refused to give him the remote? Would he smack them then?

It was a total control/power thing because I seriously believe he would not have done it to another adult. He took advantage of his position as your son's father and physically assaulted him.....all over a computer game.

robberbutton · 19/05/2010 23:42

I got unreasonably cross with DS today when I was trying to do something on my phone and he started trying to touch the screen. Didn't smack him but did shout and snatch the phone away

Playing a computer game can make you stressy and wound up- maybe that was why he reacted like that when he wouldn't normally? Maybe try and help him see that that wasn't a reasonable reaction (even if dc was being a bit annoying) and recognise the situations when he's likely to be ott.

cupcakesandbunting · 19/05/2010 23:49

"Playing a computer game can make you stressy and wound up- maybe that was why he reacted like that when he wouldn't normally? Maybe try and help him see that that wasn't a reasonable reaction (even if dc was being a bit annoying) and recognise the situations when he's likely to be ott."

TheBigJessie · 20/05/2010 00:36

Yes, yes, yes, many (perhaps all) of us know the horror of being distracted from a game at a crucial point, just when we were going to get the highest score ever.

That, however, does not excuse hitting a eight-year-old so hard that there's a RED HANDPRINT.

OP, you are not unreasonable; your not-so-dear husband, however, is. I'm not sure what advice to give you on what to do about it, though; a grown man thinking he has the right to hit anyone, never mind their own child, and that hard, for messing about with a remote control is completely out of my experience.

thumbwitch · 20/05/2010 00:41

YOur DH needs a wake up call here. BLoody ridiculous hitting him so hard that he left a handprint on DS's behind, he should be absolutely ashamed of himself and I would be telling him so. He has less self-control than a toddler and needs to grow up fast so I also agree that withdrawing his Wii privileges is the way to go - if he wants to behave like a toddler, then he can be treated like one.

cory · 20/05/2010 09:07

Hitting a child so as to leave a mark is illegal. Full stop.

SongBiird · 20/05/2010 09:17

wow! YANBU to feel upset. YABU not to speak to your H about it. As cory says, hitting a child and leaving a mark is illegal and he could be prosecuted for it.

Was anything else happening before that. Not that I'm justifying it but was there a build up of bad behaviour and this was the final straw. If so (even if not) you need to discuss with your H how to control his temper. Hitting a child like that is not on.

jalopy · 20/05/2010 09:22

Your husband lost control.

Did he enjoy his Wii game after that?

Oblomov · 20/05/2010 09:27

Cory - "Hitting a child so as to leave a mark is illegal. Full stop"
That is true. Unfortunately this is a very grey area and the law does not stiplulate how long the mark needs to remain. leaves a mark ? for how long ? a minute ? overnight ? at all ?

So. actually. not illegal at all.
This grey area in the law, along with 'reasonable chastisement' which is another grey area, needs clearing up.

cory · 20/05/2010 09:30

Fair enough, I am not saying the OP should go to the police. But I definitely think it would be worth pointing out the law to her dh (without too much detail).