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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not rush home to DH & DD ?

52 replies

FoghornLeghorn · 19/05/2010 10:24

I've got a feeling a might be but stuck between a rock and hard place.

DH & DD3 are poorly, been throwing up this morning. DH has text me at work saying he's so poorly he can't cope and might need me to go home .....

I understand it's horrible being poorly yourself and having to care for Dc's, I have been there myself when I was a SAHM but I just had to get on with it. I am at work, I am behind schedule for what I should have achieved this week and if I go home, I'm likely to catch said lurgy and then be off work myself actually being ill.
What would you do ?

OP posts:
larks35 · 19/05/2010 10:30

If its the same bug as my friend's DP and DS have had, then I think you might have to go home. Her DP could not control the explosions coming out at both ends at once and there was no way he could have looked after an equally ill toddler. Sorry...

Bramshott · 19/05/2010 10:37

Can you go home at lunchtime?

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 19/05/2010 10:38

well, sadly you would probably catch it anyway. And just put yourself in your DH's shoes and think how helpful you would be to him.

mazzystartled · 19/05/2010 10:42

I'd call him and do phone triage
skip lunch and agree to go home once a few things are done or put off

Pozzled · 19/05/2010 10:43

Sorry, but I think YABU. You know your DH though, is he the type to complain about a slight cold, or would he only be texting you if he really couldn't cope?

I assume that while you were a SAHM your DH would have left work if you needed him to?

SloanyPony · 19/05/2010 10:43

If you can physically go home you should. I have been in this situation once and it took him 3 hours to get home through no fault of his own, but in that time I just let my 18 month old trash my bedroom. I could have put him in his cot and let him cry for 3 hours I suppose but I was willing to let him just ruin some stuff. I was so ill I couldn't have given a toss about the cost.

Then I just lay there and projectile vomited into the toilet and 18 month old (at the time) just stuck his hands in it and started fingerpainting the wall with my puke but by then I had sort of lost conciousness.

Just go home.

ScreaminEagle · 19/05/2010 10:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
FoghornLeghorn · 19/05/2010 10:44

Can't go home at lunch, too far.

I can put my myself in DH's shoes and yes I would be helpful to him but I would be in the serious bad books at work.

I know they are both ill and throwing up, however, DH does have a tendency to exagerate just a tiny bit

OP posts:
ILoveGregoryHouse · 19/05/2010 10:45

Go home. How would you feel? Be kind. Work will wait. Your family is sick.

SloanyPony · 19/05/2010 10:46

Oh by the way while I lay there puking, I also shat myself, but was so wretched I didn't care and when DH came home I was lying in my own puke having soiled myself and he said, c'mon we should get you sorted and I was so reluctant I told him to eff off and half heartedly tried to kick him in the ankle

Bramshott · 19/05/2010 10:50

I meant as in work like mad for the next 2 hours and then take the afternoon off.

compo · 19/05/2010 10:50

If a mum posted on here that their dh wouldn't come home he'd be flamed on here

diddl · 19/05/2010 10:51

Well if they are both ill, are they not both in bed & throwing up as necessary?

So probably sounding horrible-but what is there to cope with?

If he was ill & looking after a well,actice toddler that´s different imo.

Original poster
FoghornLeghorn · 19/05/2010 10:51

ScreaminEagle - I'm not refusing because I'll catch it, god I do have a heart, I was simply tally up numerous things that aren't helping my situation.

Pozzled - No my DH wouldn't have come home because he would've had no means to and I wouldn't have expected him to either.

OP posts:
coppertop · 19/05/2010 10:51

It depends on how your dh usually reacts to illness. If he's the kind who takes to his bed at the first sign of a sniffle then I would phone home to try to gauge for yourself what's really happening. If he usually soldiers on then it's highly likely that he's asking out of desperation.

I'm a SAHM and cope with 99.9% of the time if I'm ill myself. There are some bugs though that reaally do leave you unable to do anything.

RiverOfSleep · 19/05/2010 10:51

Can you take some work home? I'd do that. If it turns out he has been exagerating I wouldn't be so quick next time though...

Hope they are both better soon.

Original poster
FoghornLeghorn · 19/05/2010 10:53

He doesn't soldier on, no. We have had numerous rows about him expecting me to take time of work to look after him because he's achey or coldey.

He's just text to say he's thrown up again and feels better so is going to try and get some sleep

OP posts:
Original poster
FoghornLeghorn · 19/05/2010 10:55

I could work from home but no overly effectively - will do that if things don't improve

OP posts:
coppertop · 19/05/2010 10:56

Ah, in that case I'm afraid I wouldn't be feeling all that sympathetic either.

Hopefully he and your dd3 will feel a bit better after a sleep.

Bramshott · 19/05/2010 10:56

"We have had numerous rows about him expecting me to take time of work to look after him because he's achey or coldey." Ah, well in that case, I would say "no" then!

Kathyjelly · 19/05/2010 10:57

Go with your instinct. You know your husband. Or can you send your mum round to help. That's always the decider with my best friend. If her dp agrees to mil helping, then she knows he's really ill.

HousewifeOfOrangeCounty · 19/05/2010 10:57

I know I sound like a cow, but I wouldn't go home purely so dh would get a chance to experience how hard it is to be ill and look after dc's. I've had to do it so many times.

ScreaminEagle · 19/05/2010 11:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
FoghornLeghorn · 19/05/2010 11:02

I understand your point ScreaminEagle but I had to do it alone when I was a SAHM and I coped, yes it was awful and a loooooong day but I couldn't and didn't expect him or anyone else to come and help me

I know he is obviously ill this time, he's not just feeling a bit rubbish but I have responsibilities at work too. I know he's going to have a crap day but come tonight, I will do everything and he can just sit and be sick to his hearts content

OP posts:
Original poster
FoghornLeghorn · 19/05/2010 11:17

Now he's categorically asked me to go home.

Have just spoken to boss - not happy. Reluctantly said I can leave at lunch but need to have a reason to give colleagues as he can't have everything thinking it's OK to go home for similar reasons or take advantage of the fact there is a bug going arund and the weather is nice.

Now I need an excuse to bee leaving at lunch time - chipped tooth ?

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