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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not rush home to DH & DD ?

52 replies

FoghornLeghorn · 19/05/2010 10:24

I've got a feeling a might be but stuck between a rock and hard place.

DH & DD3 are poorly, been throwing up this morning. DH has text me at work saying he's so poorly he can't cope and might need me to go home .....

I understand it's horrible being poorly yourself and having to care for Dc's, I have been there myself when I was a SAHM but I just had to get on with it. I am at work, I am behind schedule for what I should have achieved this week and if I go home, I'm likely to catch said lurgy and then be off work myself actually being ill.
What would you do ?

OP posts:
fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 19/05/2010 11:20

Your boss doesn't sound like the most sympathetic, tbh.

Original poster
FoghornLeghorn · 19/05/2010 11:22

To be fair, he's got no reason to be sympathetic. I've got a job to do, I haven't achieved what I am supposed to have by this point in the week, I am now asking to leave when I'm not the one that's poorly.... He has a business to run.

OP posts:
fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 19/05/2010 11:23

Well yes, just a bit of human compassion and consideration sometimes does come into it too, with my boss and my DH's boss.

diddl · 19/05/2010 11:24

TBH if you have taken time off before unnecessarily, I wouldn´t go home this time.

Original poster
FoghornLeghorn · 19/05/2010 11:25

I have never taken time off, I don't even take time off when I am ill which is why I was reluctant to do it this time

OP posts:
chandellina · 19/05/2010 11:26

YANBU, I'm sure he can cope on his own for a few more hours.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 19/05/2010 11:27

That's why I felt your boss might be being a tad harsh, if you have never taken time off. The bosses I have found best are those who are slightly flexible as they know you will make up the time and work later and they know it pays to hang on to good staff and treat them well.

Downdog · 19/05/2010 11:30

we all had norovirus type thing last year - violent explosions from both ends (sometimes at the same time). Thankfully OH & I got it at slightly different times as it was totally incapacitating. Between us one of us was relatively able-bodied when the other was out of it so we could deal with DD who was also ill, as well as look after each other. one consequence was needing to change lots of sheets & towels & get them washed etc which was also tricky when sick.

If it's this type of sickness YABU - they will need help.

If it's a cold or flu or something less physically incapacitating YANBU - he can deal with it.

Original poster
FoghornLeghorn · 19/05/2010 11:35

Excuses ? I'm now feigning toothache but that's a crap excuse.

OP posts:
Downdog · 19/05/2010 11:36

Your boss is being a prick.

He employs humans, not robots & is running a business not a sweat shop. You are entitled to time off if your family is ill. You sound very contientious so he must know you don't do this lightly and will make every effort to get on top of things asap.

Comment re the weather & making you lie to colleagues is uncalled for, unnecessary & unreasonable. Take advantage of a bug going around! My god!

(Moment to internally acknowledge deep appreciation for my very understanding, supportive & reasonable employers)

diddl · 19/05/2010 11:40

Sorry, I thought you had already taken time off to help your husband in the past when he wasn´t as ill as he is today.

ScreaminEagle · 19/05/2010 11:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

schroeder · 19/05/2010 11:50

If you are so busy at work, how come you are posting on here?(runs away very fast)

Original poster
FoghornLeghorn · 19/05/2010 11:51

Because I am not a half-wit and can multi-task

OP posts:
QSnondomicile · 19/05/2010 11:56

If you had a nanny, and she was employed by you, and she had norovirus, would she still be in work looking after your child?

This is the time when you have to look for alternative childcare (ie YOU) and not think you shouldnt, because the childcare you have is "just" your dh.

I would expect my dh to come look after the kids if I was too ill to cope.

Sorry you have such a shit boss, though.

Pozzled · 19/05/2010 11:59

You shouldn't need an excuse for colleagues. If your DH genuinely can't cope, then your boss needs to allow you the time- ESPECIALLY if you never have time off.

And well done to you for coping when you've been ill in the past, but illnesses are different and hit people in different ways. My DH has had time off in the past when I had flu, and even when I was beginning to recover I could barely walk around the house, and felt as though I was going to faint- there was no way he could leave me in sole charge of our DD.

WombFrootShoot · 19/05/2010 12:02

Your boss sounds awful.

(is it just me or is there a bit of "Well, I had to cope, and so you can bloody well see what it was like" about this? because, that's kind of unreasonable)

Original poster
FoghornLeghorn · 19/05/2010 12:03

(is it just me or is there a bit of "Well, I had to cope, and so you can bloody well see what it was like" about this? because, that's kind of unreasonable)

Yep, maybe there is - which is why I posted in the AIBU section !

I am leaving at lunch

OP posts:
WombFrootShoot · 19/05/2010 12:05

Right, well then I think YABU.

(hope this afternoon isn't too vomit/poo soaked for you though.)

chipmonkey · 19/05/2010 12:08

This has only happened to us twice.

Once dh was sick when ds1 was about 2 and ds2 was a baby. I had just stepped out the door to go to nursery when ds1 puked in the driveway. I opened the door, put ds1 inside and shouted up to dh that he would have to look after him.
But he really wasn't able to. I think ds1 didn't have his nappy changed all day and didn't get anything to eat or drink bar milk which is not particularly good for a tummy bug. I ended up having to take the following day off work to look after them both.

The other time I had the worst flu I have ever experienced. Dh went to work but had a feeling I wasn't able to cope so phoned twenty minutes later. I was actually trying to get ready for work but had been struggling to get ds1 changed and he was still on the changing table 20 minutes later. He came home, phoned my boss and brought me to the GP.

We wouldn't do this unless we were very ill though.

googietheegg · 19/05/2010 12:21

If I was the boss it would royally fuck me off if someone who had not done their work that week needed to leave early to look after their husband - child yes, husband no.

I don't think you should jeopardise your job/career just to clear up some sick. Let him get on with it - you clearly have plenty of times and if anything happens to your job you'll blame your husband.

Tell your husband that you can't come home because your boss is giving you a hard time and that he'll be fine by himself.

QSnondomicile · 19/05/2010 12:22

googie - her childcare is sick - so what if it is her husband who is her childcare. He is sick, and she needs to go home to look after her sick child. She is not going home to look after her husband.

PlanetEarth · 19/05/2010 12:24

Go home! My OH did this for me once or twice and I am eternally grateful .

Original poster
FoghornLeghorn · 20/05/2010 08:57

Ok so I went home ..... and he was very poorly. On the toilet and being sick in the sick at the same time. DD3 was throwing up the minute a drop of water touched her lips.

DD3 had a good nights sleep until about 5.30, thankfully. DH wasn't so great but is feeling better, just got a very tender tummy now.

I have a dodgy tummy and that's where it ends

OP posts:
NikkiH · 20/05/2010 09:38

If it's any consolation you'd probably have got it anyway - those type of viruses take no prisoners!

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