Argh - and so begins another week - following on from thread of overbearing mother with regards to her child and mine

[kolacubes]

DS has his first school trip this week, to a theme park (not sure of the educational value but that's another thread!)

I posted at the weekend about parents of another child wanting to force my child to be close friends with their child, playing with them at break times did not appear to be enough.

Now my dc has been excited since January about this trip, since he found out that he goes on a coach, and has a picnic and is out of school for the day.

Anyway he's come home from school, and I said not long until the trip, and I got a 'mmm', I said are you getting nervous about it 'no'. What's up? 'I've got to go with the other class and am paired with x. I'm not with any of my class.'

I said in my original post that I'd told the teacher any any decisions re pairings for activities I would leave to the teacher to decide when she asked me last week. But after seeing my child was sad I offered to talk to the teacher tomorrow, and he said 'please don't I will do it, mrs z will be cross if she has to change groups.'

This is a 5 year old - with latest development do I still bite my tongue?

I would ask the teacher why your son has been moved away from his class and go from there.

If it was just to pair up with this other child then ask for him to be moved back to his own class.

Unless this other child is horrid then it wont do any harm surely to be paired up??

Mrs Z won't be cross - it'll only mean swapping two children, and the helpers don't find out who they have in their group til the day, so it's no huge deal IMO

I'd ask her to change it - he clearly doesn't like the idea and to have a whole day being paired with someone overbearing is horrendous when you're 5

I think that given what you said to the teacher and that the groups have already been organised, you should let it lie wrt the trip. DD never gets paired with her favourite friends - teachers have their own agenda in pairing at her school that involves a "good balance" rather than 2 kids who get n like a house on fire

But if you'd come to a decision to speak against the classes being mixed/your son being paired at school permanently with the other boy, then you should do that asap (excluding the trip that's already been organised).

I got the impression that it's the parents who are overbearing, not the child. No don't change it now - would be so pointed given that they have been told who'll they'll be with.

I would definitely talk to the teacher - I posted on your other thread as well.

I don't see why your son should be paired with someone not in his own class and tbh I think they are being a bit weak around a pushy parent iyswim?

He's not going with any of his class? Regardless of how pairs are normally set up, surely it's not normal to split a child away from the rest of his class is it? I think you need to have a slightly more detailed discussion with the teacher. If it was really that important to pair up this little boy with your son then surely he should be the one taken away from his classmates?

So what happens if he's paired up with another child that you don't approve of ? Honestly, i think you are making a much bigger deal out of this than you need to. He is 5 years old - friendships can be fluid and ever changing at that age. If you make this little boy into ana enemy now, as you sort of seem intent on doing, what happens in a months time when he may be your childs best friend ? There will be plenty of times when your son has to be paired with someone he doesn't 'like' - he'll have to learn to deal with it but he won't do that if he thinks you are going to leap in every time. I really think that you need to chill or else you run the risk of becoming equally as pushy as the other mum.

It seems maybe the teacher was not as sensible as you hoped. I would definitely speak to her and make it clear you do not want this child forced upon your son, and you don't want him separated from all of his clssmates on the most exciting trip of the year for him.

Poor DS. The other parents must be total nutters.

Gah - I wish there was an edit function Meant to also say that there may be a possibility that your son may be picking up on your feelings about this other little boy and may feel as if he has to please YOU by saying that he doesn't like him etc.

Fair point Sassybeast - that's why I posted in AIBU to see whether i was.

With regards to being with the other class I would suspect that is what bothers my ds most, and if it was just a pairing, but with his class group, he'd just see it as more of the boys being together.

like you say, no educational value, any chance of taking the day off yourself & visiting a museum or similar?

Home -Ed him for the day

I think it's so so difficult to get the balance right and it's only been through experience of one child with frienship issues, that I've sort of learned if you can take a step back, then they can often work relationships out themselves. I honestly would let things be for the trip nad see how things go - in a different environment, they might actually enjoy each others company OR it may be a turning point for the other mum to realsie that they HAVEn'T had fun, and she may then back off a little ?

I think you're doing a wrong thing by allowing your child to be forced into a friendship with another child. It is one thing to teach him tolerance of and love for his fellow human, but none of us would relish the thought of being forced to be friends with someone we don't like.

It is important to tell him not to be actively unkind or exclude this child from activities with him but to allow other parents to dictate and push this kind of "exclusive" relationship on him is unfair. You should be an advocate for your own child and let the other child's parents deal with their own child.

Inform the teacher that your son should be and wants to be with HIS class. That's bizarre ( and a theme park at 5 yrs old! Brave teachers) to separate him. Tell her it feels like a punishment.

I am amazed he's not with his class. It doesn't make any sense. Are you or the other mother helping on the trip?

Another here that thinks that it should be the other boy that should be moved.
Your boy will feel he is missing out.

But if this other does move then he will be left alone as if I remember rightly he is wanting to attach to your ds only, is that right? Then your ds would probabaly get the blame for 'leaving' him alone because obvuiously wants to play with his friends. It does sound a spoiler either way for your son.
I feel sorry for him and the other boy tbh.

Let them stay in their own classes.

Does sound wierd but can I just ask

1. Are the 2 classes going on the same day?
2. Are they all going on the same coach
3. If the answer to above is yes are the classes staying as 2 groups of 30?

Ok I think I had better make enquiries tomorrow with the teacher tomorrow, just to find out the reasoning, and if any other children are being swapped.

No fortunately no parents are allowed to help on the school trip - this I think is a good thing, but I know other parents were complaining that they wanted to attend with their child and thought it was unfair that the school wouldn't allow them to attend.

You need to get this sorted for once and for all. The other thread was bad enough but this is getting ridiculous. If, as I'm getting, he has been moved out of his class group into another class group specifically to be paired up with this lad then of course it will harm him to be paired up with this boy. It's not fair. Why should he be taken away from his friends just to please another mother? It's absurd. I would definitely get to the bottom of this.

Mumbar

1 Yes
2 No
3 It is a small year group, they are going round in 4 groups (2 for each class) with 2 teachers/assistants per group.

Agree with MadamDeathStare.

Can't believe this has happened, following your other thread.