To think this is not normal behaviour from a 2.5 yr old.

[legaleagle21]

Please give me your opinions. I am really worried about how my 2.5 year old behaves.

At home he likes his own way - but don't all toddlers. We are consistent with rewards and sanctions and mostly he is a good boy.

BUT when we go to any sort of mums and tots, tumble tots, jo jingles etc he behaves like a demon.

All the other kids mostly sit or play nice . Singing, listening to the story etc. My son just runs amok and screams. I have tried encouraging him to conform, time out, telling him off, rewards the lot- but NO he will not behave.

He did go through a phase of pushing other kids but that seems to have stopped.

I really just dont know what to do - my mum says I have to keep taking him as he has to learn to behave in group situations. My husband says don't he says if he does not like it just take him the park or soft play places - where he plays nice.

Today I have been in tears - his behave was so bad at mums and tots. He just ran around while they were doing the singing. I kept trying to bring im into the circle but he kept running away.

When the story was on he grabed the doll the lady was using and would not give it back - to her or me - spoiling the story for everyone.

After this I took him home b4 the free play bit - (the bit when he behaves well usually) as I was about to cry.

The looks of some of the other mums and the whispering is horrible- when they can see I am doing my best to try and control him.

I am a primary school teacher myself so I feel especially like a failure as I should be better than most at knowing what to do.

do you like mums and tots? i ask becuase if you are getting absolutely no enjoyment out of it - then don't go - its like saying 'i am going to get ready, get ds ready and go and have a hot poker through my eye' why do it?

other than that, take demon child out of situation and make sure that everything else that day is thoroughly boring.

he will soon learn that behaving in x way = y

Do u really think at 2.5 he is old enough to understand long term punishments like that - I would not have thought he would make the connection.

I dont like the mums and tots at all due his behaviour - but my mum thinks that he will never improve if he is not exposed to the situation.

Doubt if anyone was really whispering negatively...we have all been there!
He is a baby, 2 .5 is tiny, give him, and yourself a little break. I used to spend mums and tots song time watching littlies run around...it really is what they do!

[and enjoy this phase, doesn't last long. before you know it they will be telling you off for being...well, just you! emoticon]

agree with custardo

Don't go, it doesn't sound like your DS enjoys it.

But be careful not to raise a child who has no social awareness or social skills, perhaps he can't handle the structure yet, or perhaps he just chooses not to, but wither way, he needs to learn, before school that sometimes he has to conform with the group. So if he actually misbehaves in a negative way do be firm with him.

My DS hated all those groups, but he is on the spectrum and doesn't cope well in noisy crouded over stimulating situations.

Take him somewhere else where he can run around to his little heart's content. Sounds like too much work for both of you to have to force this square peg through the round hole of mums and tots. There's plenty of sitting still and behaving ahead of him in his childhood -- let him be himself for a few more months at least. He'll start to crave the company of other children when he gets to 3 or 4 and might be more amenable to fitting in at that point.

Is there any way you could send him to a nursery or somewhere like that, maybe just one afternoon a week? Children often behave way better when they are not with one of their parents.

Is it just structured classes that he struggles with? If so I'd just stick to free play type groups. Lots of children don't get on with classes.

legal, he is stuill young, he will improve, you just need to find the right settings, if he is better with free play why not find a group where it is just free play without the imposed structure?

Don't take him. He will probably be happier running around in the park or something.

Try again in 6 months. He is probably just not ready for this sort of activity yet.

I loathed toddler groups I just didn't go at all with dd3. It made no difference to her development and social skills at all.

If he doesn´t like it don´t bother atm.

The only other thing I can think of is keep going but stay a limited time?

Do you have friends to go to say with just one or two other children?

2.5 is a bit young to be worrying about social skills or how he will cope at school - he can go to nursery when he's three or four if you want him too.

Actually, do you know, I would say this is exactly 2.5 year old behaviour! He is young, he probably doesn't have an amazing concentration span and he is being expected to show interest in a boring story that adults think is fun. Now, suddenly, there is a cool dolly, and he likes it.

I have had 2 experiences of this situation, so will tell you both of them.

1. DD1 at 2.6 was exactly like you say. But she was late to talk, late to walk, etc. She actually has quite severe SNs, and will start special school in September. Now, at 4.6, she still can't cope with group situations, and still runs around screaming.

2. DD2 was like this at 2.5, I started to worry. Now, at 2.9, she will sit beautifully for a short story, but will copy other children if they start to run around. She is young.

Unless you have other concerns about his understanding or development, I think there is plenty of time for him to sit quietly in a circle, etc.

He goes to nursery 2 afternoons a week - he behaves fine there - really good they tell me- but it is very 'free' the nursery they can just choose them selves - to paint, play in the home corner, climb outside etc.

overmydeadbody - that is what i am worried about that he wont learn how to behave in social situations.

I mean at mums and tots and tumble tots there is about 30 kids all around his age and none of them carry on like him.

When u say on the spectrum - do u mean autistic spectum?

My DS is the same age as yours. He doesn't "do" sitting still and listening to the story - he prefers to carry on playing on the slide or with the playdo. He doesn't scream though.

He has to be persuaded to join in with the singing at the end - sometimes he will, sometimes not.

I let him get on with it - so long as he isn't disrupting the others, I'm not bothered whether he sits/sings or plays by himself. The staff at the playgroup aren't bothered either so I don't stress out. Obviously if DS was screaming fit to bust, I'd have to take more part in proceedings - but as it is, I just give DS the opportunity to join in and then leave him to it.

Perhaps your DS is picking up on your anxiety and playing up to it? Maybe try ignoring him instead and he might return all penitent and give it up for next week.

I agree with others - you could just leave the structured group situations until he is a bit older and try again.

do the stuff he enjoys for now, relax and try again in a few months.

Agree nursery for a few hours a week would be good to encourage him to go along with the group but imo that doesn't need to happen right now.

(My DS is a bit younger and I know he would never sit in a circle and join in - so we don't do that stuff yet)

It sounds like you are putting a lot of pressure on yourself, and by extension, him. Don't worry that's entirely normal. Tension levels up - he picks up on it.

My DS2 used to get terribly over-excited in toddler groups like this (biting, pushing etc), so I stopped going for a while. As custy says - why put yourself through it? Try not to jump ahead of yourself and worry - this is probably just a phase.

As for being a teacher - we al know DCs are capable of behaving completely differently with teachers than with parents, so don't feel you should have some special powers.

I was fairly clueless and emotional with my first son at this age, but (if I do say so myself) am pretty good with toddlers at a playgroup I work in. That's because what they do doesn't reflect on me in the way you are worrying about. Speaking of which - does he go to a nursery or playgroup? If you are worried about socialisation, maybe a few hours here would help. But I agree with your DH - if he's capable of behaving elsewhere, maybe the sitting down and singing type groups are not for him at the moment.

ooh sorry tons of x-posts...

X posted with everyone else.

I have tried ignoring it - does not work he just carries on - to more and more disapproving looks.

Smallwhitecat - he likes going but saying we will go home if you dont do x reduces him to a major tantrum.

Awww. This isn't uncommon at all at his age, babe. 2 and a half is very young for liking structured stuff. I remember mine eating glue at baby art class at his age! In your situation I would try arriving 1 minute before free play time. Warn him on the way that you are going to the group and that he must sit nicely in the circle and not scream. If he manages it for that one minute praise like billy oh. If he doesn't at least it will soon be free play time which he likes. Once he can manage a minute or so come 2 minutes early then 5 minutes etc. Would that work, d'you think?

I tihnk if he goes to nursery he will learn to behave appropriately in social situations.

Perhaps you are expecting too much of him right now, just steer clear of overly structured toddler groups.

If he's getting on fine at nursery then I wouldn't worry about his social skills - nurseries have to allow as much free choice as possible for children that age, but there will still be some boundaries and structure (not running inside, not screaming, sitting nicely for a snack etc).

Maybe he just finds the classes a bit dull and would rather be running around a park?

His behaviour sounds well within normal for a 2.5 year old anyway.

I would carry on going if he likes it tbh, and then leave as soon as you don´t like his behaviour.