Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is not normal behaviour from a 2.5 yr old.

78 replies

legaleagle21 · 17/05/2010 16:18

Please give me your opinions. I am really worried about how my 2.5 year old behaves.

At home he likes his own way - but don't all toddlers. We are consistent with rewards and sanctions and mostly he is a good boy.

BUT when we go to any sort of mums and tots, tumble tots, jo jingles etc he behaves like a demon.

All the other kids mostly sit or play nice . Singing, listening to the story etc. My son just runs amok and screams. I have tried encouraging him to conform, time out, telling him off, rewards the lot- but NO he will not behave.

He did go through a phase of pushing other kids but that seems to have stopped.

I really just dont know what to do - my mum says I have to keep taking him as he has to learn to behave in group situations. My husband says don't he says if he does not like it just take him the park or soft play places - where he plays nice.

Today I have been in tears - his behave was so bad at mums and tots. He just ran around while they were doing the singing. I kept trying to bring im into the circle but he kept running away.

When the story was on he grabed the doll the lady was using and would not give it back - to her or me - spoiling the story for everyone.

After this I took him home b4 the free play bit - (the bit when he behaves well usually) as I was about to cry.

The looks of some of the other mums and the whispering is horrible- when they can see I am doing my best to try and control him.

I am a primary school teacher myself so I feel especially like a failure as I should be better than most at knowing what to do.

OP posts:
Original poster
legaleagle21 · 17/05/2010 16:39

Actually thinking about it - he does not scream unless I ask him not to do something - if he could just play on the slide or run round in a circle he would be happy

OP posts:
Lulumaam · 17/05/2010 16:39

sopt taking him to the stuff he does not like.. DD went through a terrible phase if oushing/biting/snatching at mums and tots, so we stopped going for a while

if he loves nursery, he is getting socialised there and is happy.

not all 2.5 year olds want to sit and listen to a story and bang a tambourine along to the music

it's fine.

i found with DD once she could speak, the behaviour improved massively, it was a frustration thing that made her lash out

doggiesayswoof · 17/05/2010 16:40

Legal - think about this - if your mum wasn't telling you that you need to keep taking him, what would YOU want to do?

If I was you I would ignore my mum (I've had to politely ignore mine on many occasions)

lilymolly · 17/05/2010 16:42

While I do agree with everyone else on here, please read your line as quoted below

"When the story was on he grabed the doll the lady was using and would not give it back - to her or me - spoiling the story for everyone"

Could I suggest that you could have simply taken the toy of him and gave it back to the lady who was using it therefore not spoiling it for everyone else? It is not hard to remove a toy from a 2 year old, and if he cries or has a tantrum, then let him and ignore it. He can not be allowed to spoil things for others.

I had a friend whoss child was like that, and he still is and is now starting school in September and has no social skills at all with his peers. I think she could have nipped this in the bud much earlier

Not suggesting this will happen to your son, but it does come across to me like he is ruling the roost

Original poster
legaleagle21 · 17/05/2010 16:42

Thank you so so much - i feel throughly reassured - still cant get my head why all the other kids sit so nice. But glad so many of you think it is normal.

I was crying ealier I was so stressed about it. feel much better.

OP posts:
Jamieandhismagictorch · 17/05/2010 16:43

yes, I think the pressure form your mum, and also pressure from yourself is important. It's when they have you in tears (been there) that you have to take a step back and re-think your expectations

Original poster
legaleagle21 · 17/05/2010 16:45

Lillymolly - he ran off with the doll. I ran after and took the toy from him. Then gave the toy back to the lady. All this was a couple of seconds - but the lady said - 'oh I think we'll leave the story today'

i think she was trying to be nice not making an issue of it but of course made me feel worse.

OP posts:
Jamieandhismagictorch · 17/05/2010 16:45

I think parenting toddlers in public is hard for some of us. I found it much easier to feel sure of myself with DS2, and easier to discipline without getting emotional. Wonder if that's the case with you.

pointissima · 17/05/2010 16:46

The child has taste: those "Mum and tot" things are ghastly

Original poster
legaleagle21 · 17/05/2010 16:47

Also lillymolly that is exactly what I am worried about which is why I perseve with the groups.

OP posts:
diddl · 17/05/2010 16:47

OP-is he OK other than story/sitting still?

I mean does he play without disturbing others?

If so can you just leave before those times?

Will he sit with you at home at all?

Original poster
legaleagle21 · 17/05/2010 16:51

no does not really do much sitting - other than when watching telly

Can concentrate for few mins on a book with me. But it is just a few mins.

He does play nicely by himself though for long periods - cars with his garage or building blocks etc

OP posts:
ohemgee · 17/05/2010 16:51

Sounds pretty normal to me, he's still very small. Perhaps sitting down quietly just isn't his thing, you could try socialising at noisier, bouncier places? I always found distraction was key until they are old enough to understand consequences, eg....take him away from situation, look out of window at aeroplane, oooo look at that blue car, then try and re-integrate.

smallwhitecat · 17/05/2010 16:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Jamieandhismagictorch · 17/05/2010 16:52

Sounds like he likes to do his own thing. Great that he can absorb himself in his toys - DS1 is like this. Plenty of time for social conformity

pagwatch · 17/05/2010 16:54

legal

I agree withthe others who have said leave it a while

As with reading, walking , numeracy, bladder control ... social skills, listening skills etc arrive at differenttimes for different children.

The other children being able to sit down and attend is neither here nor there - the only issue is what your son is developmentally ready to do.

To force the issue now if he really doesn't get it will just be bed for both of you.

Firstly because you are already starting to question his "normaility" and your own ability to cope with it. To keep exposing both of you, especially when you are already starting to feel self concious and a bit defensive is likely to make it worse.

Behaviours with us and our children tend to become habits - hence all the threads about 'why are mornings such a nightmare' or 'why does DS1 do x whenever I tell him to do y".
We unconciously set up trigger behaviours which can get set.
he is now in the habitthat he will get all runny around and you will get interestingly flushed and adgitated.

leave it a few months.

If you really really must go then let him play and, when you need him to sit down, explain to him, give him one chance to jump up and run around after which pick him up and say a cheery
"DS2 isn't sitting down nicely so I am taking him home" and leave.
He will learn that if he wants to play then he needs to sit like the eother children.

Don't, really don't, care what the other parents may be thinking. Mostly it will be 'good for her'

lilymolly · 17/05/2010 16:55

Sorry Legaleagle.... now that who have explained I apologise..... the lady should not have done that. I am on your behalf.

Try not to worry about it, they all have the ability to act up.

Dont worry about telling him off when he is really doing something you do not find acceptable, but also pick your battles, and if he runs around a little bit, then let him

But dont be afraid to tell him off and if he screams or has a tantrum, then let him, smile at the other mums and ignore this behaviour type of behaviour and if you threaten to leave if his behaviour does not improve, make sure you stick to your promise (hard I know)

Good luck x

TheStraitsofWTF · 17/05/2010 16:56

Find a P&T group that's less structured - at ours we abandon the kids to toys the moment we arrive, and then have tea and biscuits, largely ignoring children until it's time to pack up. Much less stressful all round.

mollybob · 17/05/2010 17:00

My DS was exactly like this - my DD loved the story time. They're both fine, just different now age 12 and 9 and driving me mad in different ways still!)

posieparker · 17/05/2010 17:04

My nephew was a nightmare for my sister, she had expectations of him that he just wasn't going to meet. He didn't want to sit still and listen to stories or sing along with rhymes, he was like this until he started school where he was suitably stretched. Try not to talk about him negatively, especially infront of him, do not apologise for him just accept that he's not a sit and wait sort of child.....you'll be thankful for that years down the line when he'd rather run around than sit on his bottom watching TV.

Go to a park instead of toddler groups and enjoy a spirited and vibrant little boy. He sounds determined too, my sister's child is gifted and talented (not that she';d ever say!!), and is highly skilled socially but it did take until he was five!!

Jamieandhismagictorch · 17/05/2010 17:04

pag - good post

pagwatch · 17/05/2010 17:05

Degree level shit bahaviour expert

diddl · 17/05/2010 17:05

Yes it was like that where I went also, TheStraitsofWTF then for about the last 10mins we sat in a circle & sang a few songs.

smallwhitecat · 17/05/2010 17:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Jamieandhismagictorch · 17/05/2010 17:12

I agree with smallwhitecat. And bran

Swipe left for the next trending thread