To be gobsmacked at his pocketmoney??

[VirtualPA]

My little brother (big age gap) is 16.

DH and I went to visit the family this weekend and it came up in conversation that he gets £50 a month pocket money. Half in a DD and half in cash.

I asked what he does for his money and apparently he washes the car every now and then.

I mean..... WOW! Thats a lot of money.

My DD will have to do set chores each day (such as loading the dishwasher) for her pocket money.

Or am I being unreasonable and this is the going rate now.

"Recently I was aware that everything went one way - theirs! So instead of dishing out cash whenever they asked - they had to earn it. From that I realised how cushioned they had been - they didn't know how to wash dishes properly, wipe down worktops hygienically or that potatoes didn't get boiled whole!"

But this shouldn't be about money - it should be about living in a community!Of course they should be able to do all this stuff - but they should do it because otherwise the family doesn;t run smoothly and happily, not because they get paid for it!

Earning money by chores wouldn't work in our family, as they are not capable of doing the same amount of work for physical reasons.

But then dh isn't limiting my coffee money because he is currently doing more housework than me- and he certainly didn't cut my spending money when I was recovering from pneumonia and hadn't been doing the housework for weeks.

But also, though I want dcs to know that you have to work for money out in the so-calling-itself real world, when it comes to the people they know and love, I emphatically do not want them only to work for money. If they grow up with that attitude, who will cook for their sick neighbour, who will do voluntary work for the poor, who will do the shopping for a boring elderly relative who can't give them anything back?

What if dh loses his job and we can't afford to pay for chores- does that let them off washing up?

Hi seeker, yes - all 4 DC's chip in with the day to day responsibilities of family life (even the boys who are a bit younger). We are a large family (with an even larger sweaty arsed, hairy dog ) so there is always plenty of stuff that needs to be kept on top of.

The girls however also have the option to get involved in some more 'hardcore' housework if they want to - which they then get paid for.

The boys will also be encouraged to do this when they are older too!

I totally agree with comments above that it is often cheaper (and I use this term lightly) to allow teenagers to earn a set amount of money that they then take full responsibility for, rather then allow then to leach money away from their parents in a drip feed fashion.I speak from bitter experience!

My other thread however, also highlights the potential downside of this appoach.

I'm really very shocked that most people seem to be giving their children so much unearned cash. I really belive that givinn too much now will make for a depressed adult

My daughter is 14 gets £20 per month if chores are done and £10 if we have agreed that schoolwork takes priority. All her friends apparently get more but apart from how affordable more is really for the average family (even what I give would be hard for some)as she goes from childhood to being an independent adult I don't want things to just get harder and harder for her and for her to get less than she gets now despite earning and without borrowing and getting into debt - by the time she is fully independent she's not likely to have loads of spare cash and it might be a really hard adjustment

Mel - so if she says "Ok, I'm not doing the chores - I don't mind not having any money" that's OK then, and she still gets fed and has a tidy house to live in and clean plates to eat off and clean clothes to wear?

I would never pay my teen to do chores. If she earns money it is out of the home, which she used to until the heartless company laid her off.

However, she doesn't do much around the house, changes her bed once a fortnight, that's about it. She is going through the stress of exams atm so am laying off her but once she turns 16 and these are out of the way, she has to get a job and start helping more, which she will. I don't regret not making her do chores and don't think I have set her up to live in a pigsty throughtout her adult life or not prepared her for life. Just my personal thoughts. I know it wouldn't work for larger families.

But they should help in the house - right from when they are tiny. It's so important that they learn what it's like to live co-operatively, and how much happier life is when everyone does their bit!

They should also have some money in their pockets - but these two things should not be connected.

Could not agree with you more seeker!

Children should be taught that it's good and right to contribute to the household, not that you only need to help others if you get monetry rewards for it!

Sorry - I wasn't clear - extra chores is what i pay for - of course she tidies up after herself , does own ironing and helps with daily small things as part of teh family as well but as a familly of 5 with both parents working and one disabled child we're doing pretty well managing without a cleaner with the combination of everyone pulling general weight and extra chores to earn extra money

Riven - why don't you split the child benefit evenly between the 3 oldest - i.e. £20.30 + £13.40 + £13.40 = £47.10 / by 3 = £15.70 per week each.

Also have you considered that you ILs could claim the child benefit for DD1 direct and they would get the £20.30 and you would then get £20.30 for your DS1 (as he would count as the eldest at home IYSWIM). Then each of your DSs would have £20.30 + £13.40 = £33.40 / by 2 = £16.70 per week each.

Depends what they have to buy with it. My 12 and 14 year old get £5 a week but we still buy clothes and essentials. They have to help with a few chores (not that many) and do all homework as set by the deadlines, which I am very, very strict with. Don't do it, no problem, pocket money for the week gone. They've never missed a deadline yet - then again, I did start that young not realising how useful a rule it would turn out to be!

Neither are big spenders so we give it them at the end of every term. They keep a bit in a purse - about £30 and the rest they bank.

I have considered increasing it and including clothes etc but I think they'll not spend anything and live with what they have got which is OK to some degree but I reckon my son would end up looking like he'd been pulled through a hedge backwards, so I mght keep that change until they are a bit older.

id like to jump back in and add that my kids were made to do chores outside of the one they did for getting their pocket money, which was having a completely tidy hoovered everything away room at the end of each week [and my DD has mountains of rubbish and DS hates tidying his room, so it was the perfect task]
they would get pocket money for that and were then expected to help with clearing away, hoovering, carwashing, grass cutting...you know, the other rubbish that i would never do myself so DH makes them do it
and now they earn their own money from jobs, keep their bedrooms how they like [they are expected to have one nuclear blitz every 6 months but aside from that they can live in their own stinky pits!] and are still expected to do chores.

I have 2 stepchildren that live with my partner and myself, a girl B 15 yr and a boy J 18 yr old.
When J was younger he had vast amounts of pocket money partly down to guilt on my partners part for the split relationship from J's mother, unfortunately this created a huge monster because as J got older he came to expect and thought that we we're really unkind when we refused to give him any, now at the age of 18 he is hard to motivate to get to work as he thinks that working for £6 an hour is not worth it - as J got older he became manipulative with us in order to get money from us - we have spoilt him and set a precedence for what he is to expect from life.
With B however we have limited her pocket money to £40 per month and for that she has to empty the dishwasher and help around the house, which she does. With this money she spends it on going out mainly and occasionally clothes although we also buy her clothes sometimes, but she is very motivated and keen to work hard.
We have a 3 year old too and he will have the same rules as B as it seems to work.

On the topic of EMA it really doesnt go far. I used to get £30 a week from EMA:
£18 went straight on a weekly bus pass to even get to school

that left me with £12 to pay for lunches, school equipment, books etc...
i also studied art which if any of you pay for your kids supplies will know paints and canvas etc arent cheap and run out really quick.

I used to get an allowance of £50 a month when I was 16 (27 years agi). Used to spend it on books and clothes and an occasional night out.

Seems reasonable tbh. He won't be flush with £50 a month, will he? A mobile phone contract alone would cost half of that.

"A mobile phone contract alone would cost half of that."

a) depends on the contract (cut cloth according to funds - ie 'you don't need an iPhone')
b) they probably wouldn't offer a contract to someone who may not pass a credit check

"Don't do it, no problem, pocket money for the week gone."

Wow, Kez100, that's rather strict, but seems like an excellent motivator in your case. If more families did that (at least where pocket money is possible) it would encourage some better school work.

Of course, in some other circumstances, it might lead some teens to play truant, and shoplift, or deal drugs - not suggesting it of anyone on MN, but in some areas of society, there are surely "troubled teens" who would use lack of spare cash as a reason for moving toward crime, for "easy money" and a sense of fun, too, even if it isn't a great idea.

If they get it into their heads they can get away with it, be part of a gang, and rebel against any home rules (or worse - leave home completely) then motivation for some families could cause breaking point for some others.

£50 per month for 15-17 year olds is not unreasonable at all, in fact I imagine it's on the modest side. Mine are that age and that's what they get. One weekend trip to the cinema, or swimming, a McDs or a Subway, and the bus fare home will cost them a tenner easily. Would you rather they just stood on the street the whole time, getting on everyone's nerves?

Wow, I got nothing! (and I'm 25 now so not all that long ago really!) Saturday job and the odd bit of cash for pants/shampoo etc. Everything else I had to save up for. Not much has changed actually, wish I had an allowance to play with!

I got nowt either, at least not once I got a paper round, babysitting, saturday jobs etc and I was still expected to help around the house, dishes, help with dinner, own washing and ironing etc. Same with my brother.

When I reached 17 and started college, I was given my CB, which basically covered a bus pass and a few coffees. I then started work and started paying board.

I've always managed to save and budget well. My brother on the other hand is pretty inept with money, we are just different people with different priorities.

DS is only 3 so pocket money isn't an issue yet. I think I'll expect him to earn his own money once he's old enough to get a paper round/babysit etc and learn to budget himself. I'm not sure that I'd pay him a large allowance even if we had the funds to do so. Don't we all just buy far too much plastic crap anyway?

I got nothing too, but then I worked from when I was 12. That's illegal now.

I have 2 DDs, aged 13 and 15. My ex-husband (their father) gives them £5 per month each.

Yes, you did read that correctly. It's not a typo.

I've a mind to print this thread out and show it to him, so if you'd like to tell him what a mean twat he is, please be my guest!

I think the cost of living is pretty high these days. If you think about it, what do you spend each week on non food, non educational stuff for little ones? It must be similar!

I've got to say that during the holidays, my DDs, 5 and 2.5, make some of their own entertainment in the garden and stuff, but I do take them out quite a bit too to playgrounds, play centres, shops to get new clothes, let them pick out a toy every now and then, get them a game or a DVD regularly, so that adds up to quite a bit.
It's only fair that when their older they get a similar value for entertainment and clothes to pick and buy for themselves.