I might be, so feel free to say, but is this fair or not? (wedding question!)

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I posted at some point a few months ago that DP was in hospital and on sick pay and had NO MONEY for 3 months. Just as a background.

So. Dp has been asked to be an usher at a friend's wedding, which I think is very nice, and he is looking forward to it. At the time the groom said he would be paying the total cost for all the suits (he earns a significantly larger amount than my DP and the other usher). Since then groom has wanted to go to Amsterdam for his stag (which the other men don't want, but they're going anyway).

So they're paying for this trip to Amsterdam, and the cost continues to mount! At first groom told all men he would be paying for it until my DP was off sick pay and then my DP could repay him. That didn't come to pass and the groom rang constantly to get the money, so I paid. It was only two weeks later that DP was able to pay the cost, so I think he could have waited.

Then the cost of the suits. Groom and bride chose the usher suits, cost £200 to hire for the day . Groom then says DP must pay half, to which DP agrees. However now groom is saying he wants the other half too.

So basically, AIBU to think that if you ask someone else to be your usher and you promise to pay that you don't go back on the promise? DP is upset but will pay as he doesn't want to bother his friend. IMO, it's their special day, not my DP's, so why should he pay?

AIBU? Or is it normal to pay for your own usher suits/bridesmaid dresses?

It's unfair of the groom to keep changing his mind. All the costs of the wedding attire should be upfront with all parties, so people know where they stand.

Our best man just showed up in his own suit (v smart) and my maid of honour chose a dress which she liked and we both agreed it suited her (we paid for her dress and she bought her accessories).

I can't understand why people get all up in arms about it - just let bridal/groom party choose their own outfits. Less stressful!

Agree with everyone here, YADNBU!! BTW heebies is your dh still friends with those awful people, I'm at your post?

pedro we didn't go to all that expensive hassle and we had a cheap wedding. it doesn't have to be that way

YANBU...my DH & I were in a similar position last month.

He was asked to be an usher & the B&G said they'd either hire a suit for him, or pay the cost of hire towards him buying one if her preferred.

Needless to say that we never saw the money for either.

My DD (3.3) was asked to be a flowergirl & when I asked what was happening about her dress I was told 'we were counting on using the dress she wore when she was a bridesmaid for that wedding last year'

I then had to provide shoes & tights/socks etc

The final straw came when I was told we'd have to pay for button holes ourselves too.

I truly wouldn't have minded any of this if the couple in question were hard up but I know for a fact they aren't (it was my DB!!)

I know lovechoc - my first wedding was on a shoestring and all friends and family came together and helped out.

It was great fun with no one getting 'put out' or upset etc etc. The marriage didn't last but it made me see what a wedding should involve. Friends and family together having a great time.

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I know it is a tricky situation but least said soonest mended - I have in the past explained to a friend that I couldn't afford to go to her VERY expensive hen do (four feckin days at an exclusive health spa) and left it at that. None of her old friends could afford it - it was a couple of years ago she turned round and apologised to us all (it wasn't necessary and wasn't asked for) for being so thoughtless and caught up in the moment.

We could have all done a moody on her - we didn't and the friendship is intact.

I counsel caution, they are 'caught up in their moment'. Is it worth risking a friendship?