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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

... to think that a 5 year old looking after a 3 year old is a bit dodgy?

145 replies

joannabaranna · 15/05/2010 19:18

Just found a very slight acquaintance's 2 kids (5 and 3!) playing in the street with their front door open. Said their dad had just gone out to the car and they'd been waiting for him to get back. They trotted off to the car park to look for him (leaving the front door wide open) but he was nowhere in sight. My 2 year old started playing with them on the pavement and I asked the 5 year old whether he had any older brothers, sisters, mum etc at home - no, mum was away and he was the oldest. After about 25 minutes I thought I'd leave a note on the door for the dad and take them to our house just up the street for tea (it was 6pm). They got me a paper and pen and I left a short note saying "Kids are at [address] - they weren't sure where you were - found them in the street!" As I was leaving the note on the door the dad got back, pretty pissed off to see me there, tore the note off the door and said "he knows he's not supposed to go out of the front door". House, by the way, was a tip. He had told them he was going out to the car and had gone to the shops instead.

I'm inclined not to do anything about it but it makes me uncomfortable... Any thoughts?

OP posts:

nighbynight · 16/05/2010 22:19

scottishmummy, you came onto this thread and insulted other posters in your first contribution. I said you were rude. Which you were.

Everything I have posted on this thread should be taken at face value, not extrapolated to twist an unpleasant meaning out of it, as was done. I have not posted anything intended to be "nasty and personal to many on this thread" as you say.

As I said, far down the thread, if we cant agree, than let's agree to disagree.

Dollytwat · 16/05/2010 22:23

LittleMrsHappy is right in what she says.

My exh left my two to play outside his flat whilst he 'rested' 3 floors upstairs. I only found out because DS1 had a bruise from another child hitting him.

I called SS because I was furious, they were 3 and 6 at the tine, it's by a busy road and an open field.

They told me there was no legal age under which you can't leave a child on it's own, it's only if something happens the parent would be prosecuted for neglect.

So, you have to wait until something terrible happens for SS to do anything about it.

scottishmummy · 16/05/2010 22:25

thanks for asserting your subjective pov.i dont concur,nor do the other posters who subsequently agreed with me

blueshoes · 16/05/2010 22:30

Everyone's opinion is subjective, based on an OP and no investigation.

scottishmummy · 16/05/2010 22:33

yes which is why definitive proclamations are contended.we all interpret and bring different things to most posts.isnt so often on mn a thread has a unifying i agree theme

fifitot · 16/05/2010 22:46

Littlemisshappy - you are not correct. NSPCC can apply for care and supervision orders in their own right. However this is an area they are involved in less and less.

Still - not relevant to this discussion really but helps your credibility if the facts are correct.

blueshoes · 16/05/2010 22:47

I don't actually think SS always makes the right decision. Even with investigation. Even their opinion is subjective.

fifitot · 16/05/2010 22:50

BTW - children's law is very complex....

yes but we are not stupid on here are we and given that I am qualified social worker - I probably understand as much of it as you do. So please don't patronise people.

Speaking from my professional viewpoint - I suspect that social services would at least visit the family to make an initial assessment.

sungirltan · 16/05/2010 23:11

re the suggestion of going to see the dad - that kind of suggests that the op would be making some kind of assessment of whether there are issues of concern in the family. with all due respect the op is neither qualified or equipped to do that, even with the best will in the world. for all the op knows, the family may already be known to ss anyway. and anyway...who is that even for??

if the op reports what took place then it will be investigated and the family will get a visit from a duty sw, by law.

blueshoes · 16/05/2010 23:18

I thought the OP was (initially) going to see the dad to offer friendly support? She was never SS in disguise.

sungirltan · 16/05/2010 23:20

yeh i get that but if she was thinking about calling ss before the possible visit then surely post visit she will decide either way that either her fears were confirmed or that in her opinion (and this is the bit that concerns me) everything seems fine?

blueshoes · 16/05/2010 23:26

Dunno. The OP, who has reported to NSPCC BTW, can form her own opinion within whatever time and with whatever information she deems necessary. I don't understand how doing that is usurping SS's remit.

We are thinking people after all. Not every case requires us to go bleating to SS. God forbid if we actually stopped to think on which side of the divide this falls.

blinks · 16/05/2010 23:39

haven't read all the bickering.

from just your OP i'd say a phonecall to at least lodge this event is appropriate.

there may already be concerns.

sungirltan · 16/05/2010 23:40

yes, reporting child neglect is tantamount to telling tales.

but after all. we know best

blinks · 16/05/2010 23:41

i would agree that this is definitely child neglect and as such needs reporting.

no decent parent leaves small children alone.

biddysmama · 17/05/2010 13:27

wow, i dont like leaving my 8 year old with the 14 month old while i go to the loo!

oldandgreynow · 17/05/2010 16:34

Blinks -But then in the McCann case social services said that leaving a 3 yo and 2X2 yos on their own in an unlocked appartment is well within the bounds of responsible parenting.

wahwah · 17/05/2010 16:38

Blueshoes, I find your attitude very confusing. Do you think the care of these children is ok? if so, your standards for children's care are pretty low IMO. Would you be happy for this man to babysit yours, or is it just his children you are happy to see at risk?

And why do you think phoning the NSPCC is any different to calling Social Services? The NSPCC do not do anything other than pass the details ( and they never ask properly) to SSDs. Yes, I know they haves charter, but they do not investigate any more,

wahwah · 17/05/2010 16:41

Sorry, Blueshoes, my last was a bit confrontational based on your last couple of posts, but Reading them again, Im nit sure I read you right, so my apologies if that was the case.

blinks · 17/05/2010 19:00

did SS really say that about the McCanns? well if so, disagree. they obviously paid the ultimate price for their mistake.

it's one of those very black and white issues in my mind. you don't leave small children on their own.

if you do and you're reported, it's your own fault for neglecting to care properly for your children.

i can't see why this father deserves 'extra support' when he's clearly a twat. he needs a stern bloody warning that if he ever does it again, he will be in serious shit.

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