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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

aibu or is my neighbour?

58 replies

SongBiird · 15/05/2010 19:09

I'll give you a quick rundown of the story. We've recently moved into a new home in the last two months. Met the neighbour she seemed ok, has two lovely dc's of her own who are older than mine. Mine are 5 and 3.

Anyway, since we have moved in my two dc's have started waking up very early. They have a massive window and the light streams in and they are up everyday between 5.15 and 6.30 am. When they do get up they are a little rowdy and loud. The neighbour complained about 2 weeks after we moved in. I understood her complaint (her bedroom is on the other side of the wall) so since then, as soon as I hear my dc's, I take them downstairs.

She's since spoken to me about it on two more occasions, again I gave my apologies and said I'd make sure they went downstairs. Forward to this morning. My dc's are up at 5.20, they didn't make any noise they just came up to my room and I took them downstairs. We stayed in the living room and at about 6.30 I got up to do some tidying. I was alone in their room stripping the beds (dc's downstairs playing) when the neighbour started banging on the wall (the second time I have caught her doing that). Then later on she was speaking to the neighbour on the other side of me about it. I haven't said anything to her yet as I have been in a foul mood all day and thought, if I mentioned it I might say something nasty (which I really don't want to do).

Anyway, my question is, is she bu or am I. Should she be understanding that my dc's are still young and quite energetic, and that I'm trying to do what I can to quieten them so early; or should I be doing more to shut them up??

Sorry that turned out longer than I meant

OP posts:
Tootlesmummy · 15/05/2010 19:11

I'd tell her to get stuffed. I can understand that she might not like them making a noise but if you're doing what you say you are then there isn't much more that you can do without putting a gag on them!

Was there children in the property before you? maybe she's not used to noise.

lljkk · 15/05/2010 19:13

I rather suspect she IBU (banging on the walls, wtf), but could you get some heavy duty blackout curtains, too?

MrsHarkness · 15/05/2010 19:15

I'm sorry but I think she is being completely unreasonable, if she wants a house with no noise etc then she should move out to the countryside with no neighbours around or move into a detatched house, but either way she would probably find something to complain about, they are only children FFS, let them be, I would rather hear the sound of happy children playing than worrying that something was wrong with them because they are so quiet.

SilveryMoon · 15/05/2010 19:17

Your neighbour is BU.
You are taking them downstairs, not much else you can do.
My ds's get up between 5 and 6am. My downstairs neighbour has commented a few times about us walking around at 5am. I laughed and told her if I could fly, I would and believe me I don't want to be up at 5am, but what does she think I can do.
She hasn't said anything since and is still friendly when I bump intro her

LynetteScavo · 15/05/2010 19:17

I agree that some black out blinds might be a good idea...but banging on the wall? I would have banged back, silly cow.

Tell her you were trying to get a bit more sleep and you couldn't because of her banging.

How old is the house? Is it a new build?

emsyj · 15/05/2010 19:19

Have you thought about getting blackout curtain linings for the DCs' room to save yourself getting up so early?

I am super-sensitive to noise and we used to live in a flat underneath a family with children and it nearly drove us mental. Our flat was the basement and the remainder of the house (large Victorian stucco semi) belonged to our landlord. So he and his wife could comfortably stay in bed in peace whilst the children (who were twins aged about 7) got up and ran around on their wood floors directly above our bedroom and played piano, tennis etc. The noise was horrific and it used to make the light fittings swing as the ceiling shook so hard. At the end of the day nobody was really in the wrong, it was just poor sound insulation. The kids weren't doing anything wrong, just enjoying their home - and the landlord was sympathetic etc, but it needed soundproofing work and he wasn't prepared to do it.

Impossible to say if you or your neighbour are BU - I have sympathy for those suffering noisy neighbours, there's nothing worse than not being able to relax and sleep in your own house, but some houses just carry noise so even if you're making a very very reasonable low-level amount of noise, she might just be able to hear everything. Is it a modern house?

LadyintheRadiator · 15/05/2010 19:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lauriefairycake · 15/05/2010 19:24

I also think you could have waited to go and tidy the kids room and strip the beds. 6.30 am on a Saturday morning is too early to be woken.

She was banging on the wall at you not them this morning

MadamDeathstare · 15/05/2010 19:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JamesAndTheGiantBanana · 15/05/2010 19:37

When you were stripping the beds, presumably quietly, did she bang on the bedroom wall, or the wall downstairs where the kids were playing?

Nancy66 · 15/05/2010 19:42

I'd be pissed off if I was continually woken up by somebody's kids between 5.30 and 6.30am - especially at weekends, the only chance some people get for a lie in.

The black out blinds are a good suggestion.

You were probably making a noise stripping the beds at 6.30am. I think your neighbour does sound a bit grumpy and you have tried your best and been polite - but 5.30 is really fucking early - I understand them being annoyed

LynetteScavo · 15/05/2010 19:43

Stripping the beds is hardy a noisy activity!

You should be able to strip the beds without disturbing any body!

It sounds to me like the walls need improving.

traceybath · 15/05/2010 19:44

How much noise can you make stripping beds though? Its not like you were hoovering - very odd.

Lauriefairycake · 15/05/2010 19:48

How did you manage to make enough noise tidying and stripping beds for someone to bang on the wall?

thesecondcoming · 15/05/2010 19:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
SongBiird · 15/05/2010 19:49

tootles when she moved in there were a childless couple and then nobody for 7 months before we moved in.

lljkk I just bought some blackout blinds today only to discover the walls are so feckin hollow we can't put them up, so now have to harangue the letting agents for some builders to come in and sure up the walls ! It is a very od house with absolutely no modernisation, so I do think there is an insulation problem, but I'm renting so there isn't anything I can do about that.

that's the whole thing silverymoon, I dont want to be up, if I didn't give a crap I'd just stay in bed and let them run riot.

I wasn't tidying in that room, I literally only went in to strip the bed, she was banging because they were downstairs but she thought they were upstairs. They weren't banging pots and pans or playing musical instruments, the tv was turned down but they were playing together. The thing is, what can I do? Tell them not to sit in silence glued to the tv screen and no playing . If I hear noise I shush them but I can't tape their mouths shut.

OP posts:
Missus84 · 15/05/2010 19:51

She can't expect complete silence, and if just the noise of you stripping their beds was enough to get her banging then she's being completely unrealistic.

If you live in a flat or a terrace you have to expect to sometimes hear your neighbours!

Original poster
SongBiird · 15/05/2010 19:55

secondcoming, I really don't know what more to do. I'm completely out of ideas. I sit with them (usually), normally half asleep, tried to get them to do quiet activities like drawing, reading with me even doing lego, but they are not interested at that time. They have loads of energy and just want to play.

I do sympathise with her being woken up, fgs I don't like being woken up and they're my kids. But I just think she could be more understanding. Am I the only one with loud kids?

OP posts:
JamesAndTheGiantBanana · 15/05/2010 19:55

God the walls must be really bad if your dc were playing quietly downstairs and she banged upstairs!

You need to diffuse the situation or it's going to fester and escalate. Perhaps you could invite her round for a coffee and explain the walls are really thin, and that you're trying to do what you can to keep the kids quiet in the mornings, but short of paying out for soundproofing on a house that you don't even own, there's not much more you can do.

Do you ever hear her? Is swapping bedrooms with the kids a possibility?

compo · 15/05/2010 19:55

'I'm sorry but I think she is being completely unreasonable, if she wants a house with no noise etc then she should move out to the countryside with no neighbours around or move into a detatched house, '

yeh maybe she should win the lottery to tonight

I thunk yabu

it's unsociable to wake your neighbour at 5.15am every morning

why don't you swap rooms?

Lauriefairycake · 15/05/2010 19:58

Are all your rooms attached to them?

If not can you go in the one that isn't - the kitchen?

I have plenty of sympathy for you but I can't imagine how awful it would be to get wakened before 6 or at 6.30 on a Saturday morning.

Lauriefairycake · 15/05/2010 19:59

Keep the children up later too?

You could use a strong insulating tape to tape up the blackout fabric?

furious27 · 15/05/2010 20:01

I honestly think that as you are renting made you should think about moving. This situation is only going to get worse. Children are noisy so a house with no soundproofing is not suitable for you or her.

I think the neightbour is behaving badly - but as ur kids are still so young they have lots of noisy years to go.

Start looking for something else. In the meantime I would tape the blackout to the glass.

Salbysea · 15/05/2010 20:02

put the ball in her court, ask her what you want her to do if your kids wake at 5.30 - play in their room, play down stairs, or sit watching the TV down low?

she HAS to realize that there is no 100 silent option in a home with paper thin walls but you are willing to give her options and work with her IYKWIM.

YANBU though, if you live somewhere with very thin walls its very annoying but you can't blame the people at the other side of the paper wall for it, its not their fault its the wall!

TheCrackFox · 15/05/2010 20:02

I think you need to get onto your landlord to improve the sound insulation. Yes, DCs can be noisy, but stripping the bed? She really shouldn't be able to hear that.

I have lived in flats and now live in a semi detached house and some noise is inevitable.

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