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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

aibu or is my neighbour?

58 replies

SongBiird · 15/05/2010 19:09

I'll give you a quick rundown of the story. We've recently moved into a new home in the last two months. Met the neighbour she seemed ok, has two lovely dc's of her own who are older than mine. Mine are 5 and 3.

Anyway, since we have moved in my two dc's have started waking up very early. They have a massive window and the light streams in and they are up everyday between 5.15 and 6.30 am. When they do get up they are a little rowdy and loud. The neighbour complained about 2 weeks after we moved in. I understood her complaint (her bedroom is on the other side of the wall) so since then, as soon as I hear my dc's, I take them downstairs.

She's since spoken to me about it on two more occasions, again I gave my apologies and said I'd make sure they went downstairs. Forward to this morning. My dc's are up at 5.20, they didn't make any noise they just came up to my room and I took them downstairs. We stayed in the living room and at about 6.30 I got up to do some tidying. I was alone in their room stripping the beds (dc's downstairs playing) when the neighbour started banging on the wall (the second time I have caught her doing that). Then later on she was speaking to the neighbour on the other side of me about it. I haven't said anything to her yet as I have been in a foul mood all day and thought, if I mentioned it I might say something nasty (which I really don't want to do).

Anyway, my question is, is she bu or am I. Should she be understanding that my dc's are still young and quite energetic, and that I'm trying to do what I can to quieten them so early; or should I be doing more to shut them up??

Sorry that turned out longer than I meant

OP posts:
Original poster
SongBiird · 15/05/2010 20:06

we've just taped up a dark bed sheet which has seemed to block out a fair bit of light. I've tried keeping them up later we did it for a week but they just kept getting up early and being miserable all day, ds' school teacher even called me in half way through as he was falling asleep in class. Might try again in the holidays.

I think I best go around tomorrow and try to explain.

We can't move bedrooms because ours is the attic room and the stairs are steep and narrow. I'd be scared they'd fall coming down in the middle of the night.

OP posts:
FairhairedandFrustrated · 15/05/2010 20:08

Are the walls paper thin?

I think she is BU if she expects you to silence your children!! It's not as if hers were mute when they were that age, is it??

I do think though that you need to work on making your children sleep in longer in the mornings. Quite apart from upsetting grumpy neighbour woman, it's not good for you to be woken so early & it's such a long day when up from that time.

Exert some authority Let them know who's boss & what time they're allowed to be up & about at!!

Greensleeves · 15/05/2010 20:10

I think you are doing everything you can and more than I would do tbh

this is just what happens when you live next door to another family

what does she want you to do, chloroform them?

I would ignore her tbh, it's her problem to deal with

Original poster
SongBiird · 15/05/2010 20:13

Furious we are bound up by contract for another 10 months so we can't move and couldn't afford to even if the contract was nullified.

Fairhaired tell me about it, it's absolutely killing me, I haven't slept properly in 2 months! I tried making them stay in bed but they start to make noise and cry. Plus I think they've worked out that all they need to do is start making noise to get me to jump

OP posts:
Nancy66 · 15/05/2010 20:22

chances are it's only one of the kids that is waking up and then waking the other - I'd be surprised if they're both getting up at 5.30am.

Can't you work out which one it is and then nab him/her and take them in with you for an hour or so...you'd also get more sleep yourself.

herbietea · 15/05/2010 20:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

GerbilMeasles · 15/05/2010 20:26

Sorry, YABU. Your poor neighbour has had two months of being woken at half five in the morning. OK, so have you but (a) they're your children, not hers and (b) you're in the attic and she's next door to their room so the noise will travel to her bedroom more easily that it does to you in your attic.

I realise there's not much you can do to keep them quiet, but you have infinitely more control over the noise than your neighbour does. Take them downstairs, keep them quiet till a reasonable hour, and don't leave them to play by themselves so that you can tidy up their bedroom at the crack of dawn.

If you're doing all that (and doing it consistently), then she's BU banging on the wall. Otherwise, no.

bibbitybobbityhat · 15/05/2010 20:29

Your neighbour is not BU to be annoyed at being woken up at that time of day. Its horrific when its your own children doing it, but just imagine how it feels when its entirely outside of your control.

GeekOfTheWeek · 15/05/2010 20:36

I would be furious if I was woken at 05.20 every day. Not only that it would impact on my job and family life.

I would try to speak to her and sort it amicably. If not she may complain to your landlord or council

PfftThePinkoLeftyDragon · 15/05/2010 20:37

Can you swap rooms with your children? This will show her that you are doing something and might actually make a difference.

Skegness · 15/05/2010 20:38

She does sound quite a tetchy sort- hate people who bang on the walls. Aggressive.
However, I'd have thought 5 was definitely old enough to understand that getting up at 5.20 and making a noise is a complete no no, tbh. Unless there are special needs? (sorry I don't know your history).

Mamalade · 15/05/2010 20:44

Tell her she should use the early mornings to run off that belly!

glastocat · 15/05/2010 20:48

YABU. I'd be bloody furious if I was woken up that early every morning! If you don't have blackout curtains can I suggest hanging a blanket over the curtain rail?

itwasntme · 15/05/2010 20:51

Send them to bed later. 5.30 a.m. is just madness - for you and your neighbour.

RunawayWife · 15/05/2010 20:52

Get some blackout blinds,
I woujld not be happy if I was woken at 5 in the morning

issysmilkbottle · 15/05/2010 20:59

try the gro anywhere blackout blind, I got one from amazon and use it in our room while dd in with ys, it attaches to window with suckers.... I agree you also need to try to adjust the sleep issue, try the sleep board in here for ideas, then you'll get more kip too!

good luck x

Original poster
SongBiird · 15/05/2010 21:01

Hi no they're not special needs, if it was just the 5 yo i could get him to shut up no prob, its the 3 yo who's the trouble maker, she riles him in to a fight or just craziness. I honestly do get up immediately when they get up. So I know she isn't woken up every single day because mostly I can and do control them (especially in the week).

They don't wake up together but it's like they sense the other one's awake. The 3 yo woke up first today and she didn't actually make any noise, she came straight up and then 15 mins later the other one followed.

I wasn't tidying their bedroom, that would inevitably cause noise. I was mostly in the kitchen cleaning up but I stripped the beds so that I could get them washed and hung out. I was upstairs for no more than 5 minutes. Although yes I can understand being pissed about being woken up by somebody else's kids.

I'm really curious as to what the other neighbour said too though. I wonder if they can hear my kids.

Maybe I should ask her if we could go to the landlord together and ask for some insulation, a united front type of thing. The landlord owns both houses. I don't think she would get anywhere with the council anyhow, they are seriously not making that much noise.

OP posts:
chesgirlNOTgriffins · 15/05/2010 21:22

I dont think anyone is being that UR really.

I would be pissed off at being woken up by kids at 6am but I wouldnt be pissed off at the kids, I would be pissed off at the situation IYSWIM. As a parent myself I would understand.

You are trying to keep them quiet which must be pretty stressful (been there, done that).

Mine are waking up earlier because of the light mornings. They have a clock but neither can tell the time yet but I tell the older one not to get up before the hand touches the 7. I havent got round to putting up black outs yet but I will soon.

Skegness · 15/05/2010 21:23

Could you split them up temporarily? Maybe put the little one on a mattress in your room, if there's no spare room. Then start a star chart each with a hugely coveted prize for a fortnight of no noise before 7.
You could get a gro clock so they'd know when it was ok to get up.

furious27 · 15/05/2010 21:25

I know from experience that later bed times do not make for later mornings so forget that plan.

If you have a 10 month contract on house i think the solution is clear the landlord sorts out the sound insulation otherwise the home is no fit for purpose which must nullify the contract.

PlanetEarth · 15/05/2010 21:37

If I was regularly being woken up by my neighbours at 5.20 I'd be pretty cross...

Yes, it's hard for kids that age to understand I know, so I think you need to work a bit harder on getting them to sleep in. (curtains, blackout blinds, etc).

Do you have hard floors? Even if the neighbours are next door not underneath it makes a bit difference to the noise level.

compo · 15/05/2010 21:47

Could you swap rooms?

Mamalade · 15/05/2010 22:42

It's a very tough situation.
I would definitely agree with the majority here.Blackout blinds are the way to go.

Did you really wake her changing the beds though?I can't imagine any walls are that thin.
I hope you find a solution.
Good luck.

HeavyMetalGlamourRockStar · 15/05/2010 23:17

I'd be pissed off if I was your neighbour - I'd find out where her bedroom was and ban early morning activity in the room beside it. Also try talking to your kids about the effect of their noise on other people.
We had to restrict our kid's movements in the morning due to a similar problem - it was a pain in the ass but we felt it was only fair.

LadyBiscuit · 15/05/2010 23:42

As someone else suggested get this suction it on to the window and your children would sleep in. I would also get annoyed at really early waking, especially if there were no sound insulation. And I have young DC (who I have miraculously trained through pushing back bedtime gradually to sleep until 8am)

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