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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I feel upset but AIBU? Air rifle

41 replies

citybranch · 15/05/2010 11:49

DH just got home from collecting the DSSs, and they have brought an air rifle round which DH has said they can keep at our house (presumably their mum won't let them keep it there).

I overheard talk about this air rifle 2 weeks ago but thought nothing much of it as I thought it would be discussed with me before it was ever brought here.

I actually feel quite upset. Our DCs are 3 and 1 and I suddenly feel very unhappy about my 3 year old playing with it. He is already going through a difficult aggressive phase.

I have just blown up at DH about it but I'm not sure if I'm being unreasonable.

He didn't mention it 2 weeks ago, or even when he walked in the door with it. I have had to ask about it in order to get any info out of him.

Is it fair to expect your DH to discuss such guns with you before bringing them home, and how would you deal with this situation?

Many thanks!

OP posts:
staranise · 15/05/2010 11:54

Errr... no, of course YANBU to not want a gun around your 3 & 1 year old.

Surely this should be obvious to your DH if his ex won't have it in her house. How old are your DSSs?

mumdrivenmad · 15/05/2010 11:56

I thought those things are not legal to use now. YANBU I won't even let my DC have a toy gun in the house, and am very reluctant for them to use water guns if they look too much like guns IYSWIM.

weegiemum · 15/05/2010 11:57

YA so NBU!

I don't want my children around guns of any kind, ever!

My Dad has an air rifle and he keeps it locked in a cupboard when any of his dgc are in the house, they don't even knwo he has it.

That's how it should be.

malovitt · 15/05/2010 11:59

I would get rid of it.

Original poster
citybranch · 15/05/2010 12:00

DSSs are 12 and 9.

I had no idea how upset I felt about it until it actually turned up.

I feel totally let down by DH. How could he think it was OK not to discuss this with me?

I don't know what to do. I'm going to look like the evil stepmother if I refuse to let them keep it here.

For fucks sake, why has he put me in this position?

OP posts:
staranise · 15/05/2010 12:03

Are you are friendly terms with DH's ex? Could you give her a call and discuss it with her? Somebody presumably bought your DSSs the gun - where did they think it would be kept? If my Dh bought my children a gun I would hit the roof.

You are perfectly within your rights on the grounds of safety to not allow it in your house - even your DSSs should be able to see that it's too dangerous to be near toddlers (or older children IMHO)>

Morloth · 15/05/2010 12:03

Does he know how to break it down and store it properly? Keep the pellets locked up and in a place the kids don't know about?

I grew up with all sorts of guns (farming family) and DS will be exposed to rifles etc when we go home. They are not dangerous when treated with respect.

Original poster
citybranch · 15/05/2010 12:06

He said it's not loaded so obviously can't cause any damage. Fine, but you can bet the DSSs will want to get the pellets at some point, otherwise what is the point of having it?

You can bet that DH will go and buy the pellets without discussing it with me!

OP posts:
Original poster
citybranch · 15/05/2010 12:08

Staranise, no we are not on good terms with DH's ex unfortunately. In fact it wouldn't surprise me if she sent them round here with it to cause upset!

OP posts:
Morloth · 15/05/2010 12:11

Always assume it is loaded always.

TBH the gun itself wouldn't bother me but only if I knew that DH had a proper grip/control on the situation and that doesn't sound like the case for you.

staranise · 15/05/2010 12:13

I agree Morloth in that when we visit some of DH's family, they have lots of guns being an old farming family and some of the older children are taken out shooting etc. But like you say, they are stored and kept properly and not in anyway regarded as a toy that belongs to a child.

It sounds like your DH wouldn't treat a gun like this, OP?

octopusinabox · 15/05/2010 12:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LoveBeingAHungParliament · 15/05/2010 12:26

How experienced is you dh with them? Does he know how to teach the children proper respect for a rifle? Ic not I suggest you learn or get rid of it.

noblegiraffe · 15/05/2010 12:33

Why on earth would anyone want a gun in their house as a toy? Especially when there have been news stories about children being injured by them.

If their mum won't let them have it, presumably she won't be happy with your DH using their separation as a tool to overcome her wishes.

It's your house, and you have a right to say you don't want it kept there either, especially as you have your own young children to think of.

Rindercella · 15/05/2010 12:43

Personally I wouldn't allow it in my house. My parents are farmers and we grew up around guns, but I still hate them. I remember my brother getting an air gun once and being terrified of it (my brother, although wonderful now had some serious behaviourial issues when a teenager).

If their mother won't allow the air gun in her house, you will look no more evil than her. I would point blank refuse to have it in my house and on this there would be no compromise.

CantSupinate · 15/05/2010 12:47

Hum, ho. I guess I would insist that it was locked up and inaccessible except when the boys' father was around to supervise; and it would be his job to supervise closely.

I don't like guns either (cannot imagine every buying any of DC an Air Rifle) but I let DS go on an Learn-to-Use-Air-Rifles day, and he hasn't nagged at all since then to have his own; removal of forbidden fruit syndrome.

nighbynight · 15/05/2010 12:48

I think you are over-reacting a bit. Just keep it out of sight and reach of the little ones.
It is an air-gun, not a pistol or shot-gun.
The Dss are at a different age from your little ones - they are older, and will enjoy target-shooting with their father.
You cant really stop older children from having things because you have younger ones in the house too.

OrmRenewed · 15/05/2010 12:50

Dad has an sncient air rifle and my DC and nephew and neice like to use it when they visit. But under supervision only. And whne not being used it's kept locked up out of reach.

It doesn't have to be a massive risk to children as long as it's only accesible when an adult is around to look after things.

RunawayWife · 15/05/2010 12:52

No you are not being unreasonable and if I were you I would tell your DH if his sons want to play with guns they can keep them at their own home not yours.

neversaydie · 15/05/2010 12:53

Guns are safe or not safe depending on how the adults concerned behave.

NO real gun should be a toy, but if they are kept in a safe place (ie a locked cupboard with the key held by you or your dh) and the boys are taught how to use them properly then they ought to be fine. Boys that age should not be the keeper of any sort of gun, and should only be allowed to use them (NOT play) when under supervision.

As Morloth and Staranise say, it is perfectly possible to have guns and children safe under the same roof. But the adults concerned need to treat the guns with respect, and teach the children to do the same. I don't really get the impression that your husband has thought this through, so I absolutely see your point in being unhappy about it.

Would he see sense if you sat him down and talked it through with him - how the gun is to be stored safely, how he will supervise its use etc? If not, I would put your foot down, hard. The last thing you need around any child is a real gun used as a toy.

FranSanDisco · 15/05/2010 12:58

YANBU. I was hit in the face with a pellet from an air rifle when I was 15 yo. I was innocently walking down a publicn road and wham. Missed my eye by cm's and I have a scar below my right eye now. I would not have them in the house as a result. However I would allow dcs to use guns under proper supervision in the correct place such a clay pigeon shooting or target practice.

VoulezVouzCrochezAvecJACK · 15/05/2010 13:28

There is some stuff here worth reading

BAsically, the rifle CANNOT belong to your DSS's as they are under 14, and if your DH bought it as a persent specificallyt for them he is treading on dodgy ground. Which IMO means he has not thought this through/researched it properly.
I grew up with guns/air rifles in teh hosue but they were locked away at all times and to this day I do not know where the keys were kept. The ammo was also kept separate from teh guns (I don't know where) in case we got the keys.

If your DH is not prepared to store and supervise an air rifle properly then it absolutely shoudl not be in the house. and YANBU.

Quattrocento · 15/05/2010 13:31

It's totally ridiculous. Someone bought ds (10) an air rifle and we sent it back. They're not allowed to be used by anyone under 14. Ludicrous to have around the DSSs never mind the toddlers.

GeekOfTheWeek · 15/05/2010 13:37

We have an air rifle as dh and I like shooting targets. It is always put out of reach and sight from dc's though. Infact I don't even think they know it exists.

diddl · 15/05/2010 14:45

I thought you had to be 18.

OP-do you think the boys mother knows about it or is it something your husband wants to do with them?

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