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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have just checked DS' friends' book bags?

96 replies

aliasanon · 14/05/2010 18:37

DS had 2 friends to play. While they were in the garden I sneaked a peek at their book bags to see what they were reading.

Pushy parent or what?

Please tell me you've done the same....

OP posts:
notnowbernard · 14/05/2010 18:51

Come on, OP

Are you riddled with anxiety about your DC's under-achievement or gloating in Smugsville about his literary prowess?

pigletmania · 14/05/2010 18:55

Yes very odd and competative. In 15 years time you will wonder what the fuss is about

Firawla · 14/05/2010 18:57

I remember this thread from before too, it went sooo long and arguing!
I think YABU it's spying which is quite rude. Why not ask the parents outright if you want to know? I don't think I would mind people asking that (although kids not in school yet) but snooping I would not like.
If its clear and you saw thru the side then not a big deal, but to open and ruffle through is rude,they could have had confidential letters home or something you never know

TheFoosa · 14/05/2010 18:58

he he he told you

this is the lunchbox thread all over again

icantbelieveimnotbitter · 14/05/2010 18:59

YABU

I had dd's friend over the other friday and it didn't even occur to me to look. Bag stayed by the front door until mum came to pick her up.

Was too busy supervising play/cooking dinner..

TheArsenicCupCake · 14/05/2010 19:08

Op you may need a full suit of armour and a fire blanket love, going by the way older similar threads have gone.

BIATYQ ... YABU ... And rude.

However ... If it helps.. My dd (6) is now on independant Reading and is off levels..

But.. My ds2 is still at a Reading level that is average for my Dds age group and he is 11.
Ds1 just grunts lol.

So have a nosey at my dc's I don't mind... But it isn't going to tell you where your childs Reading level should be... That willbe in her Reading bag love.

Sassybeast · 14/05/2010 19:08

I haven't gone through book bags but I've peered over shoulders when they're doing homework - is that really really bad ? Am I a bad person ?

TheArsenicCupCake · 14/05/2010 19:09

Sorry your sons bag... ( not her)

scottishmummy · 14/05/2010 19:20

you're barking and competitive no wouldnt check out a child's bag

but if i had suspicion i knew anyone as daft as you id pack something just to get you foaming at the gob

RunawayWife · 14/05/2010 19:22

/makes note to put war and peace in to DS2s (age 9) book bag next time he has a play date

mydoorisalwaysopen · 14/05/2010 19:24

No need to do that - the school puts different coloured bits of wool on the kids' book bags to signify book level they are on (easier for them when changing the books). Plus - I know my DS is not where he "should be".

carocaro · 14/05/2010 19:38

I've done it. Once.

When DS1 was in year 2 and he was screened to have some dyslexia and I was really worried where he was in regards to his peers.

Turned out his writing was a little bit messier and harder to read and his reading was about2 levels behind BUT his behavior was fabulous.

I felt bad, but was desperate to have a marker, nuts I know.

But doing it from the pushy parent angle does YABU, what you gonna do with the info?

Ferry · 14/05/2010 19:40

YABU but I have some sympathy. No teacher these day will actually give a straight answer to a parent about where their child is in comparison to the rest of the class and this is one way of finding out! I don't think I'd do it but I bet it's rife.

piscesmoon · 14/05/2010 19:41

What good does it do if you know which book they are on? It isn't a race. It seems like reading someone's diary or opening their handbag-something you don't do. Age is no excuse.

BoysAreLikeDogs · 14/05/2010 19:45

You are a sad and strange person OP

I'll bet you were clocking DS's friends sitting up/walking/talking/fork skills too

piscesmoon · 14/05/2010 19:50

Maybe OP is just a troll-I usually fall for them!

scottishmummy · 14/05/2010 19:50

say you discover pals are genius and ds is bit fick - what do you do

oldandgreynow · 14/05/2010 20:04

I might have done this maybe with my first and possibly second DC but by no4 I'm just not interested.They leapfrog each other all the time and in any case at our school reading level is often a function of how pushy the parent is rather than anything else.

Highlander · 14/05/2010 20:06

my friend does this. I can't be arsed, since what DS reads in school doesn't reflect his reading ability in the real world.

school reading books are kind of like driving lessons - you have to go through the motions, but it's not how you behave in the real worlkd

Thediaryofanobody · 14/05/2010 20:07

LOL aliasanon such a rookie mistake to admit you do this on MN. IMO it's something that many will do but deny, it's also natural to be curious but you will be flamed to high heaven for admitting it.

YANBU

pagwatch · 14/05/2010 20:08

I am not sure it is pushy parent tbh

It always strikes me as terribly needy and aspiring in a 'this really matters, please let my child be better and then I will feel all significant and superior'

It is part of the weirdy 'if my children are bright then somehow I have vicarious status'mode of thinking. The people who gush 'well DD is a fabulous violinist' as if that means we all think 'wow, then you must be well dressed, charmingly witty and someone I want to be sem out with

But actually people are able to think 'that kids bright. What a shame his mum is a nosy wanker'

[adds passive aggressive smily in honour of other thread]

( Pag puts notes in her DDs bag which refer to the private matters and does not expect selfish women to read them to meet their own silly needs)

scottishmummy · 14/05/2010 20:12

what do you do with the info.tutor?more bulgy eyed stress bunny tactics?refuse to see the child who exceeds yours?berate son to read faster/harder

nice

MadamDeathstare · 14/05/2010 20:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cretaceous · 14/05/2010 20:18

YABU! I remember another mother secretly taking my DS to one side and whispering at him to ask what reading level he was on!?! She'd heard on the grapevine (not through me) that he was on a higher level than her "exceptionally bright" darling daughter. They were only in reception - what did it matter? They can all read now!

MarthaLovesMatthew · 14/05/2010 20:20

This kind of thing makes me want to home-school DD.

Depressing.