Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to provide two meats for fussy eater at dinner party?

94 replies

Pinkmarshmallow · 14/05/2010 13:31

DH's big birthday next week,I've inited all his family over for a meal that night. MIL asked what I'm making so told her I plan on roast X. BIL apparantly won't eat X so she insists I must also cook a Roast Y to cater for him.... I think it's ridiculous to cook to roasts. He's a grown man, he can politely refuse it IMO and just eat veg...and dessert and birthday cake. It's not like he'll go hungry or anything. AIBU? Is MIL right? (She's the type of person who has a choice of about 4 desserts when there are only 4 people over for dinner.) Aaarrrgghhh.....

OP posts:
KnottyLocks · 14/05/2010 14:21

Stick some sausages wrapped in bacon in with the roast. A lovely extra for those who like lamb and sorts BIL too...as long as he eats sausages...and bacon.

Does he actually know that MIL has made a fuss?

TheFallenMadonna · 14/05/2010 14:21

To be fair to the BIL, we don;t know that he would have said anything, or that he asked the MIL to speak on his behalf. So I wouldn't have a go at him about it.

I think it's one of those different rules for guest and host thing. As a guest, I wouldn't dictate a menu, but as a host I wouldn't knowingly serve up something I knew a guest didn't like. If you didn;t already have the lamb I'd say cook something else. As you do, I'd cook him a pork chop.

thisisyesterday · 14/05/2010 14:23

why don't you ask HIM?
just call and say "oh MIL said you didn;t like lamb, is that right? would you like me to do something different for you?"

hopeflly he'll be so embarassed he'll just say no

slhilly · 14/05/2010 14:33

I agree with thisisyesterday that you should ask him directly. It is at least possible, if not quite likely, that MIL has acted on her own account and not b/c he's asked her to. But I would not ask him in order to embarrass him into giving you the answer you want to hear. I personally would always want to cook a meal that everyone enjoys, and I see no value in deliberately putting food in front of people that they don't enjoy, especially if an animal had to die to make the meal. But I would only want to cook one dish for everyone -- too much hassle to start doing different things for everyone. So I'd ask him the question genuinely, and if it turns out that he really isn't that keen on lamb, I'd stick the lamb in the fridge and make something else that everyone does like.

IHeartKittensAndWine · 14/05/2010 15:28

But slhilly, sounds like OP's been saving the lamb specially, and it isn't BIL's party - it's her DH's.

Another one here from the '50s school. FWIW (and I have the fussiest in laws known to mankind, complete culture shock to my own family), I never tell guests in advance what I'm cooking (I do ask if they have allergies/stuff they can't eat though) and if questioned just say I haven't decided. Do a vegetable soup to start and get a nice crusty loaf and they can have seconds on that if need be. There are plenty of things I don't like - roast pork for instance - but I always try it and discreetly leave if I really can't eat.

Downdog · 14/05/2010 15:42

YANBU - to propose Roast Y as a solution is taking the piss.
MIL is def NOT right.

However if you felt a teeny bit accommodating you could just chuck a chicken leg in oven towards the end?

or what mrspear said

AndieWalsh · 14/05/2010 15:46

I absolutely cannot stand lamb. It is not just 'being a bit fussy'. Ever since I was a child the smell of it has made me involuntarily gag. Over the years, I have managed to control the gag reflex (mostly...or else I will pretend to cough into a napkin discreetly, or hold it until I can nip to the loo). It really is a terrible reaction, no idea why. The smell of lambswool can set me off, too, btw .

Still, I wouldn't expect you to cook something else for me, as long as you wouldn't be offended that I was only going to eat the veg. And I'm afraid if the potatoes were cooked in with the meat, I wouldn't be able to have those either.

If a host provided an alternative meal for me I would be chuffed to bits, but NO, wouldn't expect it, especially not a whole other roast meat.

Thelongroadhome · 14/05/2010 15:52

I am another who thinks that as a host, if you know someone doesn't like something it's a bit mean to say that they have to eat it or nothing. Like someone else said, there are lots of things that you can do that are no hassle (cold slices of beef, piece of chicken in at same time etc).

And surely your daughter witnessing this isn't going to turn her into the kind of person who expects special meals at friends.

Thelongroadhome · 14/05/2010 15:52

I am another who thinks that as a host, if you know someone doesn't like something it's a bit mean to say that they have to eat it or nothing. Like someone else said, there are lots of things that you can do that are no hassle (cold slices of beef, piece of chicken in at same time etc).

And surely your daughter witnessing this isn't going to turn her into the kind of person who expects special meals at friends.

googietheegg · 14/05/2010 16:02

Why not say to your mil that you've got too much else to be thinking about/planning for the rest of the meal/day, but if she'd like to bring something different for your bil she's more than welcome?

PeggysEvilTwin · 14/05/2010 16:10

If I am having people round for dinner I always ask if there's anything they don't eat. I would hate to think that I had served them something that they hated and had to eat out of politeness.

Lamb would be my worst nightmare to be served. Smells like a field of sheep to me , cannot even eat anything that has been in the oven with it as the lamby taste permeates everything.

Hulababy · 14/05/2010 16:19

Now you know I think you have to provide an alternative for him.

TBH when I invite guests i do ask in advance if there is anything people don't like, or with close family and friends I usually know anywy.

I am never offended if someone doesn't like something and will do my best to accomodate them.

I almost always have to cook two alternatives anyway as I don't like meat at all, so will always have a veggie or fish dish in addition to any meat being cooked.

However, if someone asks me to dinner, I do tend to tell them from the outset that I don't eat meat. I don't think that makes me rude.

Hulababy · 14/05/2010 16:21

I am however more than happy to eat the trimmings and side dishes of a roast meal. just without the meat. Well, so long as the veggies haven't been cooked in meat fat or with meat, and the gravy isn't meat based.

Guadalupe · 14/05/2010 16:38

Now she has told you you probably should do him something else out of politeness but I agree it is annoying.

You could do him a lamb chop and present it announcing that your mother says you don't eat roast lamb.

pedrothellama · 14/05/2010 16:40

I admit I don't like lamb but when it is served at someone's house I just eat it. I think it is simple manners.

Then again I did go out with a guy for a while and were invited over to dinner with some of his friends. He took one look at what was on offer and ordered a pizza to be delivered!

I was red with shame

FakePlasticTrees · 14/05/2010 16:45

I'd ask him, you don't know if he really doesn't like lamb - if she's the type to do separate meals, it could be he turned his nose up at it when he was 7 and she's not been giving it to him ever since.

My parents where genuinely shocked that my brother ate a tomato based pasta sauce at our house and said he liked it, as a child he said he didn't like tomatoes and they always gave him something else until he left home, tried tomatoes at someone else's house being polite and discovered he likes them.

Check. And if it's really an issue, put a chicken leg in the oven to be polite.

MarthaFarquhar · 14/05/2010 16:45

there is no need to pander to his likes and dislikes IMO

BUT having said that DH's great-grandma will only eat salmon or chicken
If we're having lamb or beef I sling a chicken breast in the oven as well

tittybangbang · 14/05/2010 17:16

Oh tough one this.

Good manners dictate that you should eat what you're offered when you're a guest.

But now you know that he doesn't like lamb it would be highly gracious of you to make him something else.

Personally I resent catering for fussy eaters. DH's family are a bit like this - some don't eat lamb, some don't eat fish..... It infuriates me.

runnybottom · 14/05/2010 18:27

if you eat meat, how can you hate lamb? Its not like its liver or brains, its just like beef!

Fussy feckers.

LetThereBeRock · 14/05/2010 18:32

A lot of people don't like the distinctive taste of lamb. It's not uncommon.

DumpyOldWoman · 14/05/2010 18:33

Incredibly vulgar to do two roasts.
And it's possible your BIL would be furious / embarrassed if he knew your MIL was being so bossy on his behalf (I would).

Call your BIL and say 'sorry, I heard you're not keen on lamb - shal I bung a chicken leg or a sausage on the oven for you?" and see what he says. It wouldn't be the worst thing to put that in at the same time.

GrendelsMum · 14/05/2010 19:33

I agree with everyone else - call him, and ask if he wants a couple of sausages in to roast. Failing that, he can eat more potatoes and more veg.

ScreaminEagle · 14/05/2010 19:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Jasonthunderpants · 14/05/2010 19:49

My brothers partner does not like lamb so when we had it I just got her 2 chicken breasts from the cooked food section and warmed them up in the oven

EASY

Salbysea · 14/05/2010 19:53

I don't like lamb, never have it at home, but will eat it (or around it at least) if I go to someone's house for sunday lunch and that's the roast - there's still the roasties and all the other trimmings! and I love mint sauce so will enjoy that with potatoes

I hate when people expect 'don't like' to be catered for the same way as serious allergies or religious restrictions etc

Swipe left for the next trending thread