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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be shocked at this comment?

94 replies

ReallyDismayed · 12/05/2010 22:11

Chatting to a mom in the playground this morning, talking about the weather and how cold it was.

I mentioned that I really didn't like to see winter tights worn with summer uniform as I felt it looked a bit strange.

I then mentioned that obviously some girls didn't have a choice and I understood when it was for "cultural reasons".

She replied "well, the muslim children should be at a muslim school anyway".

(we are at a faith school BTW)

I just looked at her and said that I thought that she was oversimplifying it and quickly looked to see if I could be distracted by one of my DCs.

I am embarassed that I wasn't stronger in my response.

After thinking about it - if she was so willing to express this view, would her DCs be as bigotted?

I'm sure if one of her DCs said something similar at school, there would be very strong sanctions.

OP posts:
Bumbleconfusus · 13/05/2010 06:31

If its so easy to sue, I'm surprised Gordon Brown isn't penniless by now, I mean, everyone heard him...

MNHubbie · 13/05/2010 06:47

No he'd be fine because he'd sue everyone on MN and in the street or the pub who said anything negative about him

grapeandlemon · 13/05/2010 06:49

You would think DD looks awful - she has a cold and I layer her up with lovely warm woolly tights under her dress.

Strange comment but why let it bother you so? I would just avoid her in future.

nooka · 13/05/2010 07:09

Well I guess it's all in the way that the person spoke, but I think that if there are Christian schools for Christian children then it is perfectly reasonable to have Muslim schools for Muslim children, and probably something that many Muslim parents might like. Personally I don't think that there should be faith schools at all, at least in the state sector. But then I am an atheist and feel irritated that there are so many schools which my children cannot attend (this is no longer an issue as I now live in a country where all schools are secular except a very small number that are very religious and also very much part of the charitable sector) plus I think that they are divisive.

Otherwise it just sounds like one of those terrible conversations which starts badly and then goes more and more wrong, so sympathies there.

Chandon · 13/05/2010 07:51

Besides the point maybe, but why can´t girls wear the same unform as boys (trousers and jumper), and be much more comfy that way?

Why do girls have to look "pretty" instead of being warm?

If I had a DD, I would put trousers on her, or tights! No need to get cold for the sake of vanity!!!

PixieOnaLeaf · 13/05/2010 07:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

grumpypants · 13/05/2010 08:03

sorry, i can't get past you being very sweet and PC by having to qualify your original chit chat with a disclaimer, so as not to potentially offend any Muslim eavesdroppers.

StealthPolarBear · 13/05/2010 08:07

what on earth is going on with this thread? Why are people piling in to tear the OP to shreds? Am I missing something?

Oh and bobby, if you're a hypocrite you can't rely on the "How dare you search through my old posts" line. Ironic, after telling people off for putting pictures up on their profile - same principle, they're both in the public domain.

StealthPolarBear · 13/05/2010 08:09

and there's a difference between saying faith schools should be available, to saying muslim children should be at muslim schools.
And yet most people on this thread seem to think that's OK...

Sullwah · 13/05/2010 08:48

I agree with grumpypants.

Have you ever worn winter tights on a warm summers day? It is hell.

Why do you think that it is acceptable for cultural reasons?

Love that you are so culturally aware and tolerant. How very PC of you.

grapeandlemon · 13/05/2010 09:16

the "cultural reasons" thing is hilarious, how about just the "being really chilly in a cold spell in May" reason.

Sorry but you sound v odd actually.

Longtalljosie · 13/05/2010 09:19

Dismayed - I think you did enough. You made it clear you didn't approve. Honestly, that's enough.

And all the best comebacks always occur to you ten minutes after the event. It's just the way it is

AnnieLobeseder · 13/05/2010 10:15

Chandon - um, what if your DD wanted to wear dresses? And why are tights any colder than trousers? It's not vanity, it's respecting my child's choice in what she wants to wear. I'm not girly, I wear trousers all the time. DD1 is very girly and despite my numerous efforts to get her into trousers, asks for a dress every time.

CheerfulYank · 13/05/2010 15:58

There are cultural/religious reasons to wear tights though...FLDS, for one, need to be covered at all times and to that end always wear long underwear. In the Utah heat, no less!

But anyway, I'm not sure why we're ripping into the OP either.

And I sincerely doubt "all and sundry" are coming to "gawp" at the pictures of my DS.

MNHubbie · 13/05/2010 23:27

"MNHubbie, this woman will know very well that the OP was talking about her as they both had the same conversation.

So it's ok is it to call someone a bigot in public and not substantiate it with proof?

I disagree that she could not be sued."

And? You disagree but you are incorrect. I would strongly recommend that you do some research into the legal matters you are quoting before saying anything further. You have been very fond of calling people idiots on this thread whilst displaying ignorance on several points. I will not stoop to doing the same but I would suggest to you that perhaps you are not painting yourself in your best light.

You cannot sue if:

You are not clearly identifying the person in question (being able to recognise yourself does not count as clearly identifying, the key is that others who know her could identify her easily and/or that a wider audience would now be able to recognise her)

The statement is true.

The statement is fair comment.

Or putting it another way... The bigot can't bloody sue! Get over it.

"As for putting up pictures of your kids on the internet (obviously you have done this), you don't have to be a rocket scientist to work out why that's wrong. They are people, you know, not possessions. They should have a say in who gawps at them."

"Too right I wouldn't. Just like I would never in a million billion years put up a profile of myself or a photo. As for putting up pictures of kids, that should be illegal. Talk about an infringement of human rights ..."

So I was wrong to share via Facebook photos from our last holiday together with my late mother. You know I want to be polite but fuck you. You really do not have a clue about the law or anything really do you? Illegal to put up pictures of your kids? What planet are you on? You also have no clue about human rights. I have been incredibly patient and polite on MN so far (I hope) but frankly you go beyond taking the biscuit. You come on this thread making bold statements that are utter tripe and then accuse others of being idiots for not agreeing with you! AND more to the point you call folks idiots when your own version of libel laws would leave you open to being sued. I'm sorry, I really can't cope with you without getting too exasperated. It would be rude for me to question your intelligence or knowledge.

I am feeling a little rude towards you though and not in a good way.

"Finally, are you mad? Trawling back through previous posts to find out what I've written? I suppose I could be flattered ... "

No you should be worried if you have been caught being hypocritical. Why is it mad for someone to go back through your posts? We don't know you personally so contact via the online forum is the only chance we have. How dare you question someone's mental health for doing a very sane thing. Once more you insult someone after stating to do so online would be libel (in the current context it isn't but in Bobby-world it is) and once more you insult someone for doing or saying something correctly whilst pushing a falsehood.

PixieOnaLeaf · 14/05/2010 20:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

lovechoc · 14/05/2010 20:46

at least you had the guts to talk about something and make conversation - school uniform all the same, who cares

if you see this mum again and the topic comes around again then make your points very clear to her that you don't agree with her POV.

ReallyDismayed · 17/05/2010 21:32

Well thanks to folks who were able to see through the contextual information in my post and focus on the real issue.

Thanks for sticking up for me - I really appreciate your help.

As for the poster who thought I'd be beaten up - I'm sorry to disappoint......

On reflection , perhaps this would have been bettere posted in Style and Beauty. Arf.

OP posts:
scanty · 18/05/2010 01:10

not saying the OP shouldn't have posted but I have stopped posting something before 'just' in case the person related to my post is a MN reader and obviously might spot that the post was in regard to them or their circumstances (even when no malice was intended). Just curious OP - but did it occur to you at all that they might read this topic? Again not saying your wrong but could be awkward in the playground tomorrow.

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