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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be shocked at this comment?

94 replies

ReallyDismayed · 12/05/2010 22:11

Chatting to a mom in the playground this morning, talking about the weather and how cold it was.

I mentioned that I really didn't like to see winter tights worn with summer uniform as I felt it looked a bit strange.

I then mentioned that obviously some girls didn't have a choice and I understood when it was for "cultural reasons".

She replied "well, the muslim children should be at a muslim school anyway".

(we are at a faith school BTW)

I just looked at her and said that I thought that she was oversimplifying it and quickly looked to see if I could be distracted by one of my DCs.

I am embarassed that I wasn't stronger in my response.

After thinking about it - if she was so willing to express this view, would her DCs be as bigotted?

I'm sure if one of her DCs said something similar at school, there would be very strong sanctions.

OP posts:
PixieOnaLeaf · 12/05/2010 22:46

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Original poster
ReallyDismayed · 12/05/2010 22:49

Well mugggle, Itake my hat off to you then - I think you are right, commenting on infractions of a school uniform policy, was ridiculous.

I'm afraid I just tend to witter when uncomfortable and now you have firmly made me aware of this silly trait I will try to eradicate it.

I see myself standing alone, double-thinking every conversational opener.

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PixieOnaLeaf · 12/05/2010 22:52

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Vallhala · 12/05/2010 22:54

FWIW I don't find woolly tights with summer dresses very attractive either ReallyDismayed. Each to their own and all that but it wouldn't have been my choice. I don't see that you did anything wrong. You didn't say it to the DC/parents concerned and criticise them, you just made a passing comment.

scurryfunge · 12/05/2010 22:54

Reallydismayed,stick to topics at the chool gate like the Arab/Israeli conflict rather than uniform policy at prmiary school...less contentious

PixieOnaLeaf · 12/05/2010 22:57

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scurryfunge · 12/05/2010 23:02

Not not weird at all.A comment was made, the poster felt it was unwarranted and said so on here. Her thoughts were pretty much agreed with (though nit picking over racial v religious, me included) but no big deal

HerBeatitude · 12/05/2010 23:02

I think commenting on children's dress at school is a bit wierd actually, as you should be aware that you might inadvertantly refer to the dress sense of the child of the person you are talking to.

I always stick clear of the "oh I hate pierced ears/ nail varnish/ those shoes/ hairgel / insert whatever it is you hate here... on 8 year olds" topic, for the simple reason that I'm not sure the DD / DS of the person I'm talkng to might not go in for such an outrage. Adn that therefore, I'd piss them off.

Goblinchild · 12/05/2010 23:02

I get what you meant mugglewump, I bet the OP wasn't standing there in a thin cotton frock and little white socks after scraping the frost off the car. Or maybe she was?
As for Muslims in Muslim schools, I don't agree with Faith schools anyway. But I can see how someone sending their child to one might want everyone else there to be of the same faith, and irritated that they weren't.

PixieOnaLeaf · 12/05/2010 23:04

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Original poster
ReallyDismayed · 12/05/2010 23:04

Thanks for your support Pixie and Vall. scurry I think you are spot on! Perhaps Darwinism would have been less controversial.

I'm thinking now that I should start watching the soaps so I can talk crap about stuff like that without causing offence.

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PixieOnaLeaf · 12/05/2010 23:06

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Firawla · 12/05/2010 23:06

OP Yanbu I think her comment is quite out of order, whereas your comment about the tights is just a passing the time comment not really offensive as some people are saying..
Many people probably would like their children to be in Islamic schools but they are expensive there's hardly any government funded ones at all. I'm sure that lady is probably the type to complain if government funded more islamic schools she would likely be the first to say "why should my taxes pay for Muslims", she sounds like that type, and then start complaining that Muslims are not integrating so with some people we can't win either way.

Goblinchild · 12/05/2010 23:06

I wasn't meaning to flame anyone, just that in cold weather, tights make sense. And it's bloody cold in the mornings at the moment.

PixieOnaLeaf · 12/05/2010 23:09

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onagar · 12/05/2010 23:14

she is anti the muslim religion>>

'I' am anti the muslim religion. Also Hindu, Pagan, Scientology, Moonies, Mormon, Baptist, Methodist, Catholic, all the way down to the 7th day church of the gospel of the holy kipper.

scurryfunge · 12/05/2010 23:16

Yep, same here onagar but was trying to differentiate between religion and race

GothAnneGeddes · 12/05/2010 23:23

Firwala - Quite. Muslims know your place (it's over there, In The Wrong).

bobbysmum07 · 12/05/2010 23:35

I never believe these threads, I think they're made up. I mean, if this woman actually exists and she reads what's been written here, she'll know who the OP is in real life and she'll be really pissed off. Who in their right mind would put themselves in that position in real life? You could get beaten up or sued or turned into the object of a hate campaign.

No, no way. This never happened.

PixieOnaLeaf · 12/05/2010 23:37

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Onestonetogo · 12/05/2010 23:40

So OP, who sends her DD to a faith school (presumaby a christian faith school, presumably because OP is a christian?)is appalled that an other mum says a little girls parents should be doin what OP herself is doing with her DD???

ReallyDismayed, YABU for thinking that someone else shoudn't be doing what you yourself are doing.

muggglewump · 12/05/2010 23:40

Perhaps it is just me then, but I really don't think it's very nice to comment on what children are wearing, when it's clearly a practical thing, it seems weird and a bit mean to me, and no, I'm not an over-sensitive type.
I get inane chatter, I do it, but never in an um-complimentary fashion about children near me.

Maybe it's just where I live, though I doubt it, but I see it a lot. We buy our girls summer dresses, to go with socks but on chilly mornings at this time of year put tights on them so they don't get cold legs.
OK, not the best look I s'pose, but then until now I've never considered the look and wouldn't have thought anyone would comment on it, it's just a way of keeping warm.

As I say, the winter uniform is passed on, or binned as it's unusable to us after Easter. (too small)

Original poster
ReallyDismayed · 12/05/2010 23:42

It is true - I'm just confident that she's not a MNer and have name changed so she wouldn't know my usual persona on here.

I also don't think I've said anything that would be more inappropriate than what she said.

And it is only what I should have said in RL if only I had the guts.

OP posts:
Original poster
ReallyDismayed · 12/05/2010 23:47

Aren't tights part of your winter uniform then?

Our summer uniform is white socks, not tights.

Onestonetogo you make a fair point. I shall think on about that.

I think it was just the bigoted way in which she said it that made me think she was not saying it to be logical but to be exclusionary.

OP posts:
bobbysmum07 · 12/05/2010 23:49

But why take the chance that she might read it? I think you're mad for revealing who you are on the internet by accusing someone of being a racist. You won't have been entirely truthful, everyone exaggerates to make themselves sound convincing. What if you get sued? How will you face this woman again? Are you sure she's a racist?