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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be shocked at this comment?

94 replies

ReallyDismayed · 12/05/2010 22:11

Chatting to a mom in the playground this morning, talking about the weather and how cold it was.

I mentioned that I really didn't like to see winter tights worn with summer uniform as I felt it looked a bit strange.

I then mentioned that obviously some girls didn't have a choice and I understood when it was for "cultural reasons".

She replied "well, the muslim children should be at a muslim school anyway".

(we are at a faith school BTW)

I just looked at her and said that I thought that she was oversimplifying it and quickly looked to see if I could be distracted by one of my DCs.

I am embarassed that I wasn't stronger in my response.

After thinking about it - if she was so willing to express this view, would her DCs be as bigotted?

I'm sure if one of her DCs said something similar at school, there would be very strong sanctions.

OP posts:

Original poster

ReallyDismayed · 12/05/2010 23:49

This would have gone very differently if I had been more circumspect and just stated she had said that "muslims should be in muslim schools".

OP posts:

bobbysmum07 · 12/05/2010 23:50

It would have been wiser.

Original poster

ReallyDismayed · 12/05/2010 23:56

Hey. If you look back through my posts the strongest word I have use is bigot.

Yeah I may have outted myself to her as someone who has gone on a forum to talk about behaviour that has saddened her, but I don't really think that that is too terrible and I don't think I am on dodgy ground legally. Am I?

OP posts:

Bumbleconfusus · 12/05/2010 23:56

I agree with Onestonetogo too...

PixieOnaLeaf · 12/05/2010 23:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

ReallyDismayed · 12/05/2010 23:58

And I certainly haven't exaggerated.

OP posts:

bobbysmum07 · 13/05/2010 00:01

You called her a racist on a public forum. I would be extremely pissed off if someone did that to me. Especially if they had misinterpreted what I said. And let's face it, it's hard to make the argument from what you've said.

Original poster

ReallyDismayed · 13/05/2010 00:04

bobbysmum07 I'll bet you would never have put yourself in that position.

And I certainly did not say that word.

OP posts:

bobbysmum07 · 13/05/2010 00:05

And in response to Pixieonaleaf, I'm very sceptical about most of what I read on here. Aren't you? It's the internet for God's sake, people can say literally anything.

bobbysmum07 · 13/05/2010 00:06

Actually, no I concede, that wasn't you. You called her a bigot. Where's the difference really?

bobbysmum07 · 13/05/2010 00:12

Too right I wouldn't. Just like I would never in a million billion years put up a profile of myself or a photo. As for putting up pictures of kids, that should be illegal. Talk about an infringement of human rights ...

Original poster

ReallyDismayed · 13/05/2010 00:12

You're right bobbysmum07, there isn't really that much really.

I thought I was a pretty tolerant person really, but I have learned a lot about myself tonight.

OP posts:

muggglewump · 13/05/2010 00:15

I pull out tights that were for normal dress, not uniform, hence the bright pink ones last week.

Anyway, I can see I'm being odd and fixating on something not important (yesterday it was a USB cable), I apologise, my health is not good at the moment so I will leave this now.

Original poster

ReallyDismayed · 13/05/2010 00:19

Thanks for that mugggle.

I apologise for thinking you unkind.

I hope your health improves soon.

Night.

OP posts:

PixieOnaLeaf · 13/05/2010 00:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

MNHubbie · 13/05/2010 00:36

Um... how exactly could she be sued? She did not identify the woman in question, the school, the region, her own details or anything at all in any way that would allow anyone other than herself to identify who she is talking about. Even if the bigoted woman in question was a MNetter she would have no case whatsoever and even the worse ambulance chaser of a lawyer would have good fun laughing at her expense if she tried to sue.

Wow Moon is that the whole "defend your right to free speech" thing going on or defending the right to be bigoted? The problem is your first post actually attacks the OP's right to free speech which unfortunately makes me wonder if the latter was true. If I am mistaken I apologise unreservedly... well not entirely because the tone was somewhat aggressive in response to a quite reasonable question.

LOL@ all the tights talk. I've got 3 sons and used to work part time allowing me to take DS1 to school on some days. I didn't even notice the girls had summer/winter uniforms or different thicknesses of tights.

For those opposing religion in any form or faith schools I have little reply tbh. Not in a negative way but I do believe that when executed properly a faith education can be better at primary school than a "normal" school as there is more emphasis on tolerance, forgiveness, calm and self-reflection etc. but this is far from the norm and more of a Utopian ideal so I can't really defend them. In terms of being atheist that is fine provided you are not being fundamentalist about it and then I would take issue as that is just another form of rabid intolerance.

To get to the OP's point. Don't kick yourself. You say you changed your tone etc and sometimes that is all you can do to avoid a big issue or disagreement. Yes it is true that good citizens stands up to intolerance and that the whole "evil prevails whilst good folk do nothing" thing will be going through your head but that doesn't mean that you had to get all in her face about it. You DID THOSE THINGS, in your small way you stood up to her. You changed the subject and used a strong tone of voice. It might not seem huge but you made your point.

I know it is a very internet thing to get very literal but I'm personally assuming that the OP has no hidden agenda here and that we are not just commenting on the statement as quoted but that we can all pretty much see the expression on the lady's face and hear her tone when she said it (and that the OP had no shadow of a doubt over what what meant and left unsaid) otherwise the OP wouldn't have posted anything but would have in fact entered into a dialogue to discover what she meant? Isn't that a fair thing to do?

Taking that context as read I don't quite follow some of the defence of the lady in question. Yes she has a right to free speech but the OP has the right to be offended by bigotry and the right and indeed need (as she felt it) to stand up to it as a British citizen due to what being British actually means.

Bloody hell it is late and that was long-winded and I am tired and I'm not sure it made any sense so have a biscuit all, I'm off to bed.

[b iscuit]

bobbysmum07 · 13/05/2010 00:41

I'm not getting into an argument with you about that whole McCann thing on this thread. That's just inappropriate. But I will say this - I never claimed that anyone murdered anyone.

As for putting up pictures of your kids on the internet (obviously you have done this), you don't have to be a rocket scientist to work out why that's wrong. They are people, you know, not possessions. They should have a say in who gawps at them.

Finally, are you mad? Trawling back through previous posts to find out what I've written? I suppose I could be flattered ...

bobbysmum07 · 13/05/2010 00:45

MNHubbie, this woman will know very well that the OP was talking about her as they both had the same conversation.

So it's ok is it to call someone a bigot in public and not substantiate it with proof?

I disagree that she could not be sued.

bobbysmum07 · 13/05/2010 00:48

And she could certainly be beaten up.

PixieOnaLeaf · 13/05/2010 00:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

CheerfulYank · 13/05/2010 01:24

Of course she couldn't be sued, for all the reasons Hubbie mentioned. And for crying out loud, that's what AIBU is for. I adore mumsnet from the bottom of my heart, but the day it turns into "AIBU? Someone said something that I think made them sound bigoted, but I can't say more because I might offend said person," I will get my coat.

And bobby, people always search back threads to make a point. I never have, but I'm usually paying for internet and don't have the time.

bobbysmum07 · 13/05/2010 02:53

I have photos of my kids on my mantlepiece. I wouldn't put them on a public mantlepiece for all and sundry to gawp at.

I feel sorry for you truth be told. You can't be very bright if you don't see the difference.

MonTuesWTF · 13/05/2010 03:33

Wind your neck in bobbysmum. what rude thing to say to the OP

FWIW i recognised your name as one from 'somewhere' and now that it has been mentioned, yes, you said some shocking tiresome stuff on the McCann threads.

YOu don't want to be pulled on your past behaviour on here then don't say ridiculous things like 'i would never in a million billion years do/say...' because someone will search to prove you wrong. that is just wimmin for you.

MonTuesWTF · 13/05/2010 03:36

I meant you are really rude to call Pixie, not 'bright', not the OP. sorry.

tortoiseonthehalfshell · 13/05/2010 04:35

Bobbysmum, trust me on this one, you cannot sue someone for saying, anonymously, that a totally unidentifiable person is a bigot. You really, really can't. I assume you're thinking about libel law, but it doesn't meet any of the criteria for a libel claim.

By the way, I have photos of my daughter up in my office at work. Is that a breach of her human rights? Inquiring legal minds want to know.

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