Sister-in-law..grrr

[CinderellaRach]

I have a sister-in-law who is 10 years older and very patronising towards me.
She's recently retired as a teacher and is only in her mid thirties so she has alot of time on her hands.
I have a 22month old and expecting in a few weeks my second son.
She tells my toddler off constantly about silly things for example he is not to sit on her lawn whilst eating his snack he must do as the adults do and sit on the chair in the garden.She'll shout at him and when he cries she'll say 'look at him having a tantrum'.
I was too shocked to say anything in all honestly.
She then tells me how she is going to 'teach' and 'help' me discipline my son.
She also says very patronising things to me.
I always tell my son off when he's naughty cannot stand bratty children!
Dh has never liked her but as I'm a stay at home mum(for the time being)and she is retired now we agreed a while ago to meet once a week.I do not drive yet still having lessons so we go round her house(we're in the middle of moving from apatment to house)and while at her's her rules apply.Her partner is also there as he's double her age and retired.I hate the fact that I haven't passed my driving test yet and therefor don't have the freedom to go when I want.
Anyway sorry for boring you!!Just don't know what to do in these situations!
Sick of putting up things like this,especially while heavily pregnant.
Meant to be meeting her tomorrow.Dreading it already!!She cancelled me last week shall I make an excuse for this week??
Last saw her at a family event and she kept on staring at me so in the end I asked if she was ok and she replied 'I could just put you in a little bag and spin it around'!She's a condescending cow.She has never had children and yet thinks she can 'teach' me parenting skills.

She's winding you up and interfering. I'd stop going. Either that or correct her when she does it 'we don't shout at DS, and so I'd rather you didn't etc.' He's your child, you make the decisions on how he is parented.

This is what I want to tell you but know it won't help:

Tell her to piss off.

You can get it all out and if she gets all mardy on you, say it's your hormones!

She's a cowbag.

Cancel. Forever.

Don't worry, someone sensible will be along in a mo.

This made me feel cross on your behalf- she may be a teacher but it sounds as if she is incredibly rude and bossy.

YOU are the one who should decide where your child sits to eat food ffs- he is only a baby!

Can you talk yo your DH and sort out how you will both manage her for next time?

Good luck!

Is she jealous because you are a mother? Glad she's never taught any children of mine! Put yourself first, last thing you need at the moment

"I would just like to put you in a little bag anmd spin you around"
Huh?
I dont get it. Weird.

She sounds annoying.
You dont have to go visit her. Just tell her you are too busy.

tell her you arent feeling up to it, blame pregnancy. You are the childs mother, not her, tell her to butt out.

She sounds like a cow.

What is the thing with spinning you round in a bag? What did she mean? to hurt you?

I would stay well away, she sounds a bit unhinged to me. Stick up for yourself.

dont go visit her if you are not wanting to go

If she corrects your son just interupt and do what you want then firmly say to her "I would appriciate you staying out of how to raise my child" set limits in other words

much like you would your son

Tell her she is being ridiculous retiring at such a freakishly early age and that she must get a job as she cannot use you and your family as her project.

My sil is 12 years older than me, also did not have children, and cannot tolerate my DD.

She once yelled at her when she dropped a biscuit, at 18 months old.

We no longer speak, not offering this as a solution, but worked for us!

Erm, just because she's a teacher doesn't automatically mean she's some higher intelligent authority fgs. Two of my cousins teach and one of them tried to grill a pizza last week

And how bloody dare she assume responsibility for "teaching" YOUR children. She sounds like an over-bearing control-freak and you need to stand up to her or stop seeing her so much otherwise it will not be conducive to your mental wellbeing. If it were me, I would politely but firmly put her in her place. She does it because she thinks she can. Put an end to that myth and watch her stop.

well, yes, her house, her rules. so don't go there anymore.

yes, cancel tomorrow. say you're so tired you need to rest at home.

if she comes to you, it's your house, your rules and you get to override her.

tbh she sounds like far too much work. imagine how your ds feels at being told off all the time. if you're not doing it for him, who are you doing it for????

Am I being thick here? Tell her to go piss up a rope!

I stopped meeting my sil weekly, life is too short I used to dread it and came home with head ache like I had just sat a maths exam or something. Just stop, make some mum freinds and meet up with them its much more fun. And stick up for your little boy, your rules apply wherever you are, he is your son not hers. you will feel so empowered when you do but at the time will be dying inside, it is very very hard. Good luck with whatever your conclusion. If \I lived close by I would meet up tomorrow and we could have a good day out xx

Piss up a rope, fuckstick

I just have to agree with everyone else, just visit her as little as you have to, I dont get on with my SIL therefore see as little of her as I can whilst getting to see my neices, life is WAY too short!!

Good luck :O

Tell her to get fucked.

I definately wouldn't be letting her shout at my dc's or teaching me how to raise kids.

I can´t get why you not driving means you have to go to her.

So, you don´t like her, your husband doesn´t like her so why go?

"'I could just put you in a little bag and spin it around'!"-WTF does that mean

"I could just put you a bag" is meant in the same way as "I could put you on top of a xmas tree" etc meaning I'm a silly little girl.
I'm quite shy and she says in front of people how I must learn to get confidence.She's rude and bossy.She threw ds's coat into my face after telling him off.Humiliated me.You know when you can't believe what someone has just done?Then I was fuming.If I kicked off it would look like I'm the maniac!!So instead I look like a bloody walk over!I can stick up for myself but she doesn't expect me to and I'm always too nice because I don't want to end up falling out with the whole family!
I need to be more assertive.If it was a random person I'd tell them where to go but she's always going to be apart of the family and I hate confrontations.

Thankyou for your kind,helpful messages

control freak, and power tripper, tell her to buzz off in no uncertain terms.

Come on Cinders,you're well able for this bitch!
I would say something like "with all due respect,as I am not a teacher,I wouldn't dare tell you how to teach,perhaps you could afford me the same courtesy where parenting is concerned."
You could use your shyness as an alibi.Nobody would believe her if she had the brass neck to tell anyone.
Check-mate!

Stop seeing her, and when at family events stay as far away as possible.

Stop seeing her, she sounds like a right weirdo - just keep away form people who make yu feel so shit.

My goodness why are you putting up with such nasty and horrid behaviour. I would not have these meet ups at all and stay well away from her as much as possible. She is no good for your self esteem, be assertive girl, youwould not put up with this treatment from a stranger so dont put up with it from her!

I was shocked when i read your last sentence... she doesn't have any kids?!!

I am 10 years+ older than my sil, she was similar age to you when she had her children, I wouldn't have dreamt of telling her what to do, or shouting at her children.
What does your DH make of all this? Have you talked to him about it?

I would talk to DH, get him onside, then I would talk to her, maybe with him, and tell her that her behaviour is upsetting and unacceptable. And if she doesn't like it, then fuck her!!Dont worry about the rest of the family.

Cinderella you do NOT have to put up with her.

I have 7 (yes 7 ) SILs on my OH's side. I spent years that I will never get back trying to please them/work them out/get on side. What a waste of fecking time that was! They had no intention of ever being a friend to me or approving of me. It was like a sport to them, making me feel stupid. Everytime I saw them I would leave feeling uneasy incase I had upset one or feeling totally inadequate.

To be fair I am lumping them all together and they are not all horrible. But there were a few who just seemed to delight in trying to trip me up. Asking me my opinion on something in order to be offended at my answer, that sort of thing.

When I was pg I let one of their kids climb on my knee for a cuddle. I got screamed at 'do you want to have that baby NOW?!!! letting that child climb all over you' and
'For the love of God you are always kissing that child' because I was affectionate towards my DD.

The turning point came when they really upset my BIL's wife. She was a lovely, lovely person. I suddenly realised that if they were going to find fault with someone like her they were going to do to everyone. SO why bother.

I have never looked back. 20 years later I still get the odd one trying it on but I am much older and wiser and totally ignore them now.

Dont waste anymore time on this witch. Nothing you do will be good enough and she will make you feel crap for as long as you let her. You are a grown up and a mother. You are capable and able.