to think CM's weight shouldn't be a deal breaker?

[Kariba29]

I have a DD who is nearly 5 months, i will be going back to work full time soon so have been looking and interviewing potential childminders, i have made my decision, and have decided on one lady, unfortunately DH is not keen , because he is worried as she is 'overweight' he is worried she will feed DD'the wrong kind of foods'

This (food/weight)is a very emotional topic in our house as DH was an overweight child and was bullied throughout school, unfortunately CM's DCs are also overweight,

I have suggested to DH that DD will take her own food to CM but DH is still not keen

However AIBU to think CM's weight shouldnt be a deal breaker for us to choose her as our CM?

I keep imagining scenarios where DH may well be right. For example if DD snuck through some railings and CM was too porky to follow, that might be a disaster. Unless she was strong with it, enough to bend the bars really wide

I wouldn't be terribly impressed with a childminder who kept having to run after her charges- what does she do with the rest of them while trying to catch up with the escaping 3yo? How impressed would you be if your 3yo was left stranded because she was chasing after somebody else's child?

I chose a CM who had enough experience and authority (and occasional recourse to reins) for this situation not to be a problem.

Lol at OldMacEIEIO

Thanks for the link Boob, very interesting.
And for those thta say that it is the fact that her children are overweight rather than just the cm herself. well that in itself poses questions. because guess what. i feed my two ds's pretty much a similar diet to what i eat. i eat a few things they don't and vice-versa, but basically we all eat the same. dh eats the same as me, and he eats the same as ds1 and ds2. but dh is big, i am average, ds1 is skinny as a rake, and ds2, whilst still being very young at 1.5, so almost can't judge because its still baby fat chubbiness, as it were, is almost portly.
so how does that work ?
so i can't see that the childrens size is that relevant in the equation either.

Some children are naturally skinny and some are stocky, but there's really no reason (bar some medical conditions) for a child to be overweight if they have a healthy lifestyle and diet.

If you're choosing someone to be a significant influence in your child's life then you want them to have a similar outlook to you. So being unable to keep their own children healthy would be a problem for me.

My dc (who are now teenagers and don't need childcare any more) went to a lovely cm who was overweight, as were her own dc.

I didn't think about it too much at the time, but within a few months I could see my own dc becoming porkier, and another mum whose dc were also with the same cm phoned me because she was becoming concerned too.

We discussed how to tackle it - whether we could risk offending the cm by suggesting menus or dc taking their own food (the meals comprised something like chicken nuggets, chips and frozen veg followed by stodgy pud every evening).

In the end, it resolved itself because the cm's circumstances changed and we needed to find someone else anyway.

The upshot of this convoluted story is I think your dh is not bu, and I'd suggest you think twice about sending your child there.

i am LOVING the 'if there was a famine, the fat people would survive' argument - never thought of it like that .

surely though, there are fat stores and fat stores iyswim!

that diet i described can be pretty nice booboobedoo - add loads of herbs and chilli and you are away - you can add other stuff too btw - just don't eat sausage rolls everyday - it is a no-brainer to me.

anyway, the point is she might be a fantastic lady who would be brilliant and have a crap diet herself but not inflict it on the kids... it does not her a bad person make!

If her kids are overweight though, that suggests she does "inflict it on the kids".

Cory my example was a nanny, so only my child to chase after, no others to be 'left stranded'

Some really horrible attitudes on here

Why does fat = stupid? You can know perfectly well how to eat healthily and yet not use this knowledge all the time, just like drinkers and smokers are no doubt aware that their vice is unhealthy.

The only thing I can agree with is that if the kids are big too, something is not quite right. But aside from that, some of the nastiness on this thread is astounding.

It would be a deal-breaker for me.

I think healthy eating is about many other things than just what you eat. Even if you send your own healthy food to the CM's house and she agrees to give this to your DC, what about:

• nibbling between meals, if your CM has poor eating habits, she might not notice your DC eating sweets, choc, crsips or even healthy stuff inbetween meals which is unecessary and creates bad habits
• eating in a structured way, that is, at more or less the same time every day, at a table, with certain expectations. Again, if your CM does not have good eating habits, she might not see the problem with your DC and hers eating in front of the telly every day, at all times of the day, with no structure, no sense that a meal is an imortant stopping point in the day, when telly, computers and even books etc go away

Greythorne I totally agree with you, to be honest this thread has opened up issues that i was trying to supress and i was making myself think that i wont be the first mother to leave my PFB with another person to look after for at least 8 hours 5 days a week and what makes it worse is i know she (DD)is the only one i will have and thats leaving me in tears and very unhappy about returning to work

"if your CM has poor eating habits, she might not notice your DC eating sweets, choc, crsips" - just to point out that if you're overwieght, the fat doesn't clog up your eyes or brain (only your arteries).

I am very overweight - I have a four year old (who is fit and athletic) I don't noticeably spend my life dashing around after him whilst he lurches repeatedly in front of cars and lories , How do you think disabled paretns control their children? My mum is disabled and has looked afetr DS at least one day (and now 2.5 days) a week and she doesn;t have any problem with him throwing himself in front of trucks!

'Fattism' , for heaven's sake. They're clearly obese, and unhealthily so.
You have to trust your instincts, and judge accordingly.
A similar judgement would apply to an emaciated skeletal, with extremely underweight, bony children.

But Kewcumber, you say yourself that your son is fit and athletic. This CMs kids are not! Of course fat doesn't clog up your eyes and brain, but people have vastly differing attitudes to what's acceptable when it comes to kids' diets. Some people simply don't see it as an issue at all.

I have a friend who is quite slim, but her daughter, at 5 and only 104cms, weighs only 5 stone less than I do (at 5'8") If that friend of mine were a childminder, there is no way on earth I would send my kids there. For her eating letting her daughter eat rubbish constantly isn't an issue at all. She thinks her daughter is "bonny", I think she is dangerously obese. I don't comment on it, as it's not my place, but I wouldn't let her look after my kids.

Ok, this thread has not gone away and so am wading back in .

I think people have lost sight of the fact that they CM in question will be looking after a baby whose main food will be milk.

Furthermore, we have all assumed that this lady eats a crap diet because she is big. How do you know she hasn't got a medical condition? Or eats a very good diet generally but is addicted to Coca Cola? I have an overweight friend who generally eats very healthily and is perfectly aware of what a good diet entails but ended up comfort eating after a divorce and has never managed to shift the weight.

I myself have troughed 5 custard creams and a latte for breakfast despite knowing that they are very bad for you and that this is a shit breakfast. Does that mean that I would give my children or any children I was looking after the same breakfast. Of course not. Again, the same old stereotypes and prejudices are coming out; this woman is fat and therefore must be stupid/ignorant.

What I would do if I were the OP? I would raise the question of diet with the CM and ask her for sample menus, policies on snacks/food etc. Make it clear that you are concerned about diet/health and see how she responds. A lot of fat people are actually very, very aware of how to eat healthily because being fat is probably something she is conscious of and tries to control.

Presumably she has received training in these issues. People forget that CM is a job and the things that you do as part of your job are not necessarily what you would do otherwise. I think this CM needs to be questioned further if you have concerns and I see no reason why you could not talk to other parents of children she looks after or has looked after in the past. Are these children fat or did they put on weight? I think it's very wrong to dismiss this woman outright without further investigation. If the other parents tell you, oh yes, my daughter put on 2 stones and spent 6 hours in front of Cartoon Network every day, then yes, be concerned!

Sorry, waffly, I just hate to see injustice!!

tbh my experience has not been that the CM has been such a great influence on my children; we had a very competent and experienced one, but dcs would still take my word against the CM's any day

Childminders, like teachers, are left behind as you grow. Your family stays with you, and so do your family's values. Not that I would automatically make assumptions about somebody's values just from looking at them. Not unless they were wearing a Vote BNP t-shirt or something.

LC200 You are right.
kewcumber Of course being overweight does not clog up your eyes or brain, but being obese might mean the CM has different and unhealthy ideas about what is appropriate. She might not even notice snacking, as it is just part and parcel of the background. She might think crisps are not a good snack but raisins and fruit are fine. Which they are, but not in excess and not all day non-stop in between meals.

I do think you are being obtuse; there are several options:

1. the CM is lazy about food so she can't be bothered to sort it out

1. the CM has a low level of nutrition education and doesn't know where she is going wrong with her own food and that of her children

1. the CM knows about healthy eating but just can't implement it, perhaps because their family eating habits are so ingrained

I was just pointing out to the OP that even if you take out the first two options, which are rather patronising, there is still a problem as the CM and her kids are overweight so they are clearly doing something wrong. And maybe snacks, fizzy drinks, lack of structured mealtimes are habits they cannot break.

Again, whatever the reason, it's a dealbreaker for me.

Even if the baby is only 5months, because most parents want a long and happy relationship with their CM. Why start on the assumption that as soon as DC starts eating other than milk, we will have to move to a new CM?

kariba this is a really hard decision and in a way, holds the key to much bigger issues: you are handing over your PFB to someone else to care for, as you say, and that is a hard thing to do. you have to ensure you are getting the best possible situation for your little one in order that you do not down the line feel you have short-changed her. Good luck.

Tryharder, you seem to be ignoring the point that the CM's own children are overweight though - don't you think that is relevant to her childcare skills?

And a 5 month old isn't going to be on a milk only diet for very long.

"But Kewcumber, you say yourself that your son is fit and athletic. This CMs kids are not!" - yes sorry I wasn't trying to argue that she would be fine (have in fact in several easrlier posts said that would have a problme because her kids are fat.

Was mote taking issue with teh generalisation that fat people who have poor eatng habit might not notice that their childrne snack. Of course they notice, they're not blind or deaf! They either don't bother doing anything about it or don't think its a problem.

I have a slim friedn with an overwieght daughter - every bit as much of a problme IMO.

That's exactly what I said, Kewcumber, we are 100% agreeing with each other. I think the issue is not that people don't notice what their kids each, but that people have very different ideas about what's appropriate and what's not, and I would want a CM with similar ideas to mine.

Thanks Greythorne DH and i were discussing this this evening we are meeting all the CMs we have shortlisted on tuesday for the final meeting as i have a work meeting on wednesday so we (DH& i) have to make a decision soon

good luck - a good childminder is worth their weight in gold and makes all the difference in reducing the stress of going back to work. My advice would be to go with who you feel most comfortable with rather than anyone who looks best on paper.