to think CM's weight shouldn't be a deal breaker?

[Kariba29]

I have a DD who is nearly 5 months, i will be going back to work full time soon so have been looking and interviewing potential childminders, i have made my decision, and have decided on one lady, unfortunately DH is not keen , because he is worried as she is 'overweight' he is worried she will feed DD'the wrong kind of foods'

This (food/weight)is a very emotional topic in our house as DH was an overweight child and was bullied throughout school, unfortunately CM's DCs are also overweight,

I have suggested to DH that DD will take her own food to CM but DH is still not keen

However AIBU to think CM's weight shouldnt be a deal breaker for us to choose her as our CM?

I am not sure what a size 26 looks like.It is more fat men that I am talking about.Maybe its easier for them because they generally have more muscle to propel their fat along!But yes Obese blokes easily can do 10k in under an hour.

Hey I was a size 26 (now a 18) one of the top grades I got for Ofsted was for healthy meals and food outlook.

Not all of us are overweight because of food, mine is down to (well OK not totally some is my evening choc addiction) having to take alot of meds.

It does not affect my looking after the mindees at all, we go for walks, soft play, to the park, EVERYDAY.

Hang on, have just reread OP and noticed that OP's baby is 5 months old. Was reading it as 5 years old. Was on a nightshift so not at my best, sorry. That actually makes things worse for me. Do you think she will be stirring sugar into the formula or adding hydrogenated fat to the baby purees?

I am sorry OP, you have clearly made up your mind but I just can't believe all the people on here that have said oh it's OK to discrimate against fat people because it's not the fat we dislike, we are concerned for their health and the health of our children if allowed to stay there.

Yeah, right. I would have more time for threads like this if people actually came out with the truth which is "I think fat people are disgusting and I don't want my kids near them".

I'm just sad that a woman who you thought was the best person for the job will lose that job because of prejudice on here. Presumably you would also disregard an ultra- skinny childminder because of fears she might restrict your daughter's formula in an attempt to slim her down. No, I thought not!

Hear hear Tryharder. Fattism is one of the few remaining socially acceptable prejeudices. I am currently classed as obese, yet much fitter and healthier as many "normal" weight people. I walk everywhere and exercise every day. The food issue is unlikely to be an issue OP. Surely all you need to do is tell the CM what food you would like your child to be fed.

If the CM's children are overweight Tryharder, then she's obviously not doing a great job with their health is she? I wouldn't choose a CM who smoked, or whose children all had rotten teeth or were rude and miserable either.

A 5 month old is going to be eating soon, and presumably you'd want her in a setting where healthy eating and exercise are part of the routine.

"hang on,size 26 is morbidly obese isn't it."

Yes it can easily be depending on your height if you are 5'10 chances are you are "just" in the very overweight category if you are 5'1 then chqances are you are firmly in the morbidly obese category.

Besides - as most people have said the issue isn;t necessarily her size but whether shefeeds the children healthily and does enough activity with them. If her childrne are overweight I'd suspect not.

"she didn't get to that weight through balanced nutritious meals and excercise" : secondcoming.
dh is very big. eats alot less than me and exercises more. our basic diet is pretty healthy.but can still run around playing football with 2 ds's for ages.
assumptions are being made here thta are not factually correct.

agreed 2nd. no actually i think its me. i should be a size 26 really. it is a very strange thing. am currently on a thread about bingeing where lots of people who eat ALOT, are not overweight. and some people who eat littel, are.
if defies logic. and TiggyR said "This thread is making me laugh so much, but on a more serious note, I think goes a long way to disproving all the crap we are told by the establishment that weight control is simply a case of 'eat less/move around more' (that old chestnut) and that there are no excuses/anomalies/exceptions, we are all metabolically and hormonally the same, and fat people are just plain greedy/lazy, whilst slim people are self disciplined paragons of virtue. Bollox. We are different. We all metabolise food differently and have different levels of insulin response and hunger, and our bodies don't all react the same to the same foods."
and i happen to think thta is true. is is questionable.

If I had my time again I would have given more consideration when choosing a childminder to whether we have similar expectations around what children should be eating. It also depends on the alternatives! Like you. I got sent a booklet about choosing a CM but it was no help really, all about what level NVQ but I don't think that is what Mums care about. See also how much notice will they give you of their holidays. Maybe if I ever step away from AIBU I'll find a thread about what we all wish we'd asked our CMs/nurseries.

I made a decision once to not employ a nanny who was very overweight (guessing size 26+) simply because she couldn't out run my 3 year old (by her own admission)

I didn't want him strapped into a buggy on the school run for his own safety (her suggestion) and the best behaved 3 yr old can get overexcited and dash off because he's seen a friend/rubbish truck/ cat etc.

I am a size 10 and I can't outrun my 6 year old. She is FAST.

OP, a CM having overweight kids would be a deal breaker for me. Some of my best friends are fat people (pmsl) but I have studied enough human biology to know that overweight kids tend to become overweight adults. I do not want that for my kids, because being fat is NOT healthy, whatever way you look at it. My friends who have overweight children tend to have very different attitudes to food than I do.

I consider it to be similar to smoking, and no way would I send my kids to a CM who smoked.

The reason no-one is writing "I can't stand fat people they are disgusting" is because no-one is saying that. The propensity to be fat can be catching because it is based on an attitude to food which is learned from important adults in a child's life such as a CM.

size 26 is massive! tryharder, it is perfectly reasonable to be concerned that perhaps this fat childminder does not have great ideas about nutrition, and therefore will feed the baby snacks maybe, or sugary things, particularly coming up to weaning - rusk, anyone? saying that, she might be the most gorgeous childminder ever who won't transfer her own food foibles onto your child. it really depends on who she is as a person. the fact that your DH is unhappy OP should be reason enough not to use her. like others have said, ishis decision too.

incidentally, to compare being fat to being black, with the history of discrimination that black people have had to endure is ridiculous. black people are born black, like i was born with blue eyes. fat people (for the most part, meds/thyroid excepted) simply eat too much and do too little.

In response to Oblomov, I saw a 'Horizon' (I think) a while back in which they took a group of 'natural skinnies' and got them to double their calorie intake whilst not increasing their exercise levels.

Some of them piled on the weight, some of them put on very little, one put on no weight at all (he just metabolised the extra food), and two were physically unable to eat when they were full.

Very interesting, and backs you up.

Will try and find link...

I found a review [http://www.tvscoop.tv/2009/01/tv_review_horiz_10.html here].

here.

that is all very interesting - and obviously people metabolise more food.

however, i simply do not believe that if a fat person did cardio 5 times a week, plus sme weight training, plus yoga or something, and ate brown rice, fish, pulses, vegetables, quinoa etc etc etc they would stay fat. load of crapola imo.

Yes RubyBuckleberry - but the diet you describe sounds pretty grim to me.

I think Tryharder was merely pointing out that discriminating based on weight is also judging a book by its cover without having all the facts. I doubt anyone would try to compare the black struggle with being overweight. I have been very overweight and underweight in my lifetime and ignorant comments from strangers have set me back months whilst being overweight. People are very quick to judge and forget about their issues (for example with drink and smoking for example). Of course people have an element of control over their appearance and can lose weight but it is harder for some than others. Counting her out as a childminder based purely on her weight is disgusting and discriminatory in my view. You have no idea why she is overweight. If she is active and treats the kids well that is what counts. Also, you are paying her and can tell her what you would like her to feed your child! I am finding this thread very bloody depressing tbh.

My mum went to a talk by the diabetes association last week given by a geneticist whose specialism is researching the link between genes and fat. She is in no doubt that your genes play a major part in whether you are obese in this day and age. Obviously your genes don;t make you fat but in the saem way that many overweight people never get diabetes whilst thinner people do develop it, some people don't it difficult to control their weight and others do. She said that a proportion of the population were genetically predisposed to put on weight so that in the ice age sufficient numbers of people survived the winter. Thin = dead! I have a very common fertility problme whihc ensured the survival of the race - it predisposes me to put weight on so that in a famine when everyone else loses weight and stops ovulating I lose weight and start ovulating. Really you all be thanking me for my part in ensuring the survival of the human race

Just pointing a finger at people who are morbidly obese and thinking its as simple as "eat less, exercise more" (doctors in teh field access that its way more complicated and that all calories are not created equal for exampleand all bodies are not created equal) is pointless - it doesn't resolve the problem.

Anyway Babyball - don;t get too depressed about it - most people are not saying they would judge her for her weight but for her childrens weight which I think is relevant. ANyone who has used a childminder must know that it not just a case of saying "don't give her XXX" becasue who knows what happens when you're not there and also do you want your child to be watching her children get treats and be excluded? Far better to chose someone who fits with your own philosophy of feeding.

But it isn't so much the fact that she's overweight, but that her kids are. Several people on this thread have already said that their cms or those of their friends who have overweight kids have fed crap to their mindees. Obviously we can't know that that's going to happen in this scenario, but surely there is more risk if the kids of the cm are already overweight.

Rubybuckle-do you think people would put their life at risk having gastic bands if they could lose weight any other way?
We are genetically programmed to eat as much as we can to put on some fat for the 'lean winters'.If there was a famine the fatties would be the healthy ones!

my CM is overweight (about the same size as me) and her DD is skinny as a rake - she must be starving her right?

this thread & some of the attitudes expressed here is incredibly depressing.

That is not what anybody is saying! Kids who are overweight as children lay down more fat cells which never go away. Not a great gift to give a child, as many of us know only too well!