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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In thinking DP is being selfish and unreasonable?

17 replies

PaperFlower · 12/05/2010 14:18

DP has got no time off work for the upcoming summer hols so Im going to be stuck at him with the kids for 7+ weeks. So I was looking up coach trips last night and DP asked what I was doing. I told him it would be nice to take the kids away during the summer so he replied "on my days off you mean?" I said "no, when its just me and the kids" so he went in a strop saying I was being unreasonable because he "Might want to go" too. So basically he expects me to sit in the house 24/7 with the kids unless he has a day off. God forbid we have any fun without him.

OP posts:
StephysFamous · 12/05/2010 14:20

Hmm, don't know what to say really. YANBU but then again if he can't get time off because everyone else has booked time off in the Summer it's not really his fault is it.

Condensedmilkaddict · 12/05/2010 14:21

You don't have to sit around the house 24/7 though...

You can organise picnics and day trips.

I think you are being a bit unfair.

wannaBe · 12/05/2010 14:21

I think yab a bit u. I don't think that yabu to want to go places, but equally I don't think that he is being unreasonable to want to be included in events with his family. It's not his fault that he's at work.

SolidGoldBrass · 12/05/2010 14:21

Hmm, well he is definitely unreasonable if he expects you just to sit indoors with bored, miserable children until he gets home. However, could he be thinking that a) he is miserable about having to work all summer with hardly any time off and b) he actually does want to spend some family time with you and DCs? Why not agree on a trip or two that you can all take together as well as you and DC having fun while he's at work.

ANd if the trips you were looking up were to places you know he would really enjoy then it is a bit mean of you to say, Oh no DP we are going to go there without you.

MentalAshtray · 12/05/2010 14:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

BallpointPen · 12/05/2010 14:25

It depends why he hasn't got any time off over the summer, if it's because there is not enough staff then that's pretty rough on him but if it's because he's taken all his holidays for things for him then I agree with you, why shouldn't you and the DC's go away?

fireupthequattro · 12/05/2010 14:27

YANBU IMO IF and a big if - you communicated your displeasure about him not booking any time off over summer. My DH used to get the grumps about DS and I going on our adventures. He is in the Army so can't complain too much, but did try.

He got the reply "can you run us to the station, we are off to get the sleeper train to Penzance, your dinner's in Sainsburys - byeeeeeee!"

Ask him if it's reversed and he was stuck at home would you expect him to wait for you.

Tell him you've booked something, and if he'd like to join you (which you would of course love) then he needs to be available for such and such a date....

I know it may not be his fault if people are all booking time off, but to be fair, he knew the dates of the summer hols in Sept LY didn't he?

thumbwitch · 12/05/2010 14:29

more info required before I can pass judgement on this - has he deliberately not got time off over the summer, or is it out of his control?

Mind you, if he can't come anyway, and you are only planning to go away for a day, and it's not something he desperately would love to do then YAprobablyNBU.

But if you could arrange things for his days off (however that works) then wouldn't it be niced for you all to go as a family anyway? (Not necessarily, I do understand that!)

It probably does look to him as though you don't really want him to come away with you and that's going to be hurtful.

claw3 · 12/05/2010 14:32

Im confused, your dp doesnt have any days off, but wants you to book it on one of his days off, that he doesnt have?

SoMuchToBits · 12/05/2010 14:41

Are your dcs school age? If so, then it's a bit unreasonable of him to expect that they don't get to go on holiday at all just because he doesn't have time off (unless you are all going away together at half-term or have been at Easter).

Think it also depends a bit why he doesn't have any time off in the summer hols - is it because he just couldn't get any despite requesting it early, or because he has used his leave for something else, or because he left it too late to request any and now can't get any.

We have a school age ds, and my dh is using his leave this summer for 2 music courses (one late July, one in September). So ds and I have booked our own holidays in August (one week in Norfolk, one in Kent). Dh is happy with this because it's entirely his choice to use his leave for something else. We are all going away together in half term week though, to visit dh's family in Scotland.

Downdog · 12/05/2010 14:41

YANBU - I'm a planner too. I'd be doing the same as you, though if there was something in particular I knew OH would be into I would try to include him.

BallpointPen · 12/05/2010 16:56

Where are you OP?

GypsyMoth · 12/05/2010 17:08

claw....i'm confused too!!

claw3 · 13/05/2010 02:11

Ilovetiffany, looks like we will never find out, perhaps OP is on that coach and on her way to Bognor already.

The suspense is killing me!

GardenPath · 13/05/2010 02:47

Do you get any time off, PF?

CheekyPinkSox · 14/05/2010 13:31

Go to the park, swimming, child/toddler groups, picnics, walks then on you DH says off go out for the day somewhere together.

junglist1 · 14/05/2010 13:49

OP you can go wherever you want.

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