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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be this upset?

86 replies

TiredMummy2 · 11/05/2010 16:59

I know that compared to a lot of the problems people write about this is very minor, but I really feel upset about this. I don't know if this is normal, or even if I'm having some kind of breakdown.

I don't know if any of you had the StoryTeller magazines and tapes when you were little (published early '80's). I had a full set of them with my sisters, and they have been at my mum's house since. I have thought lots of times about taking them, but thought it's not really fair for me to get everything just because I'm eldest, so I left them in case my sisters wanted them, but of course I would still have access to them. Then on Sunday I found my mum has sold the lot on ebay for £80, she has given them to me so I can record the tapes before posting it off, but it is not the same, and I will never have time to photocopy all of the magazines, even if I did it will not be the same. I know it sounds stupid as it is only storytapes but I can't stop crying, the thought of packing it all in a box and sending it to someone makes me feel ill.

I really feel angry, I was trying to be nice and now I have lost something that was really important to me. I feel like just saying I'm not giving it back and we aren't posting it to whoever bought it and she can refund them, but my husband seems to think I can't do that, and I am struggling to do it as I have always been a "good girl" and done the right thing. If it's the money she is bothered about I would give her the £80, I would give her more than that if she wanted, but I don't think she would accept money from me.

Thank you for reading my message, sorry it's so long but I feel like a part of my childhood is being stolen from me and as I said I can't stop crying, the kids have asked why I'm crying and I feel really pathetic not to be able to give a proper answer.

OP posts:
Plumm · 11/05/2010 17:07

You can't stop crying over some old tapes and magazines? Are you sure there isn't something else wrong?

alicet · 11/05/2010 17:09

I was going to say the same as plumm.

I would be upset if i found out my mum had sold / given away something from my childhood but not as upset as you describe. And if you had never mentioned it or taken them then your mum might have quite reasonably thought you weren't interested.

YANBU but are you OK?

Sparkletastic · 11/05/2010 17:10

This does seem like an over-reaction but then I'm very lacking in sentiment about stuff like this. When you say you would have had access to them if your sisters had them, what precisely would you have done with them. Did you want them for your DCs? If so start a new collection of something else for DCs and focus on that instead.

scurryfunge · 11/05/2010 17:11

Oh dear this seems to be the trigger for something more important...you really shouldn't be so distressed over some tapes....what else is happening?

pjmama · 11/05/2010 17:12

It sounds like your Mum had no idea that you even wanted them. If they're so important to you then I don't think there's anything wrong with asking her to explain the mistake to the buyers and hope they'll take a refund.

I don't think you can be angry at her for selling them though, she didn't know.

thisisyesterday · 11/05/2010 17:13

awww, i kind of agree with the others, but can totally understand how you feel

it was yours. you wanted it. and now someone has taken it away. it IS a shame. does your mum know how strongly you feel about it?

mrsruffallo · 11/05/2010 17:13

YABU
Unless there is more to it you have completely overreacted

JustMyTwoPenceWorth · 11/05/2010 17:13

I don't understand why these items matter to you, but that's just me, to me they're just things - your memories are not dependent on you posessing them.

However, I understand that you are not me and you are upset. And it's not for me or anyone else to try to tell you how to feel.

You have a choice - let it go, realise that the items are not the memories. or tell your mum how important these things are to you, and offer to buy them from her. I am sure that if she knows they matter to you, she will want you to have them. Possibly, since they have been left at her house for years, she naturally assumed they were just some kids tat you had all grown out of.

nickschick · 11/05/2010 17:13

Your posting name says a bit more about you than just your 'problem'- I think theres a lot going on in your life at the moment and this is just the straw thats broke the camels back....something I think is hurting you related to childhood or to your children now and you are putting this feeling and the tapes that you enjoyed as a child together - almost as a symbol of a happy childhood?.

They were just a posession even if you listened to them over and over again you would never feel the way you did about them -quite simply because you are older now- its time to move on remember the happy memories and parcel the tapes up and send them to the winning bidder and hope they give whoever they are meant for as much happiness as you got from them as a small child.

What if the tapes are for somebody lay in a coma and their mum recognised the tapes and hoped it might trigger memories for them?? if someone appealed for these tapes to help a sad or sick person you known in a flash you would have offered them.

Fluffyone · 11/05/2010 17:14

Did you actually tell your mum or your sisters why you were leaving the tapes and magazines there? If not then you are being unreasonable I think. Imagine how your mum saw it, she was getting rid of a load of junk her daughter had left in her house for years. It obviously wasn't important to her or she'd have taken it. So, she found it a good home.
If you'd told everyone that you wanted the stuff they would probably all have told you to take it. So I think you need to get over this and make sure you don't upset your mum about it.

jaabaar · 11/05/2010 17:15

I can very much identify with those feelings. I am very attached to things from my childhood and would be very upset if something that was important to me would be old off intead of being asked first.

I even got sad (not upset) when my mum through away her old school books???!!!!

I am just a melancholic and like pieces which belong to my memories.

I do understand....

colditz · 11/05/2010 17:15

You can do that and if I were you I would. keep them, tell her you're not giving them back, and tell her to refund the buyer's money and you will give her £80 instead.

I lost too many memoirs of my childhood when my mum moved, she threw away things I would have cherished, things I would have PAID her for.

HOWEVER - on the subject of 'other causes of upset'

The reason I am so upset with my mother is because I feel so very cut off from her emotionally, like she has no idea and no interest in how I feel. Her getting rid of my Enid Blyton books, my giant teddy that was given to me when I was born, my Grandma's gold feather quilt, - it's almost as if she's decluttering me from her life and she should KNOW that I would have wanted these, or at least the option of having them. She's my mum, she should KNOW me well enough by now!

Could that be part of the upset? do you have a rough relationship with yourmum? Do you feel emotionally distanced from her?

Tidey · 11/05/2010 17:16

Explain how you feel about it and why they were still there. Isn't there some way for your mother to cancel the transaction and refund the money? Surely if she knew how upset you were over this, she wouldn't continue with the sale?

LoveBeingAHungParliament · 11/05/2010 17:18

I remmeber these we had them, don't get excited i have no idea where they are

I do agree with the others re something else upsetting you.

Did your mum know you wanted them?

anonymousbird · 11/05/2010 17:18

Are you pg, have you recently had a baby, or in an unusually emotional state due to something else in your life?

nickschick · 11/05/2010 17:18

I have spent the best part of 20 years scouring markets and secondhand shops for my 'stuff' that my stepfather got rid off in 1986 when my mum died and then agin when he threw me out aged 17 - theres lots of my stuff id like back and although i have some 'similar' things -theyre not 'mine' as such,just examples.

Mirrorball · 11/05/2010 17:23

I would feel the same Tired Mummy, I have asked my mum a million times to get my old StoryTellers out of the loft - I do hope she still has them. I was SO attached and would like to pass them on, sometime very soon.

I'm sure if your mum knew you were this upset she'd not sell them?

nickschick · 11/05/2010 17:25

Mirrorball dont tell ya mum she will be listing on ebay before you put the phone down {smile}>

TheSteelFairy2 · 11/05/2010 17:55

I would be really pssed off too OP. I would keep them, I really would, she didn't ask you, they belong to you. You don't have* to be the good girl you know, maybe it is about that, does she tend to just ride over you and what you want sometimes and you feel like to have to accept whatever gets dished out?

I had 3 silver ballet dancers that I loved when I was a child. Actually forgot I even had them but then my Mum mentioned she had given them to my younger sister. It irritated me, unreasonable? probably but I know for myself that had I been offered something that belonged to my sister I would have said no check with her first.

Anyway do what feels right and if you want to keep them, then do so.

Original poster
TiredMummy2 · 11/05/2010 17:56

Thanks for all of your messages. I think part of the reason is that I have three kids (3.10, 2.4 and 9months), baby's not sleeping through so I am very tired. Probably accounts for the level of my emotions.

Also because they are a part of me, when everything seems to be just about the kids.

Have also just been reading some of the other threads from people with real problems, I feel really stupid to be so upset.

OP posts:
katkit · 11/05/2010 18:06

i bloody loved storyteller too but they were given away! itseems to be what mums do- get rid of treasured childhood stuff without realising its significance.

FabIsGoingToGetFit · 11/05/2010 18:09

YANBU

I have no idea about ebay but there must be some way of cancelling the sale and like you say you could give your mum some money for them. What does it matter to her if she gets rid of them and some money?

I have very very little from my childhood and have been very upset that I haven't been given some photos when the person who has them has no desire to have them.

overmydeadbody · 11/05/2010 18:10

I think it is your tiredness that is triggering this out of proportion reaction.

Are you sure you are not clinging to your past too much? There's gotta be a reason you are reacting to some old stuff of yours (or your mum's, unless you bought them yourself?)

Mirrorball · 11/05/2010 18:10

Nickschick -I would be having some serious words with her if I found out they'd gone on ebay. However, this could explain how she has managed to order a new kitchen and bought a new car (I kept my storytellers in very good condition you see, may be worth thousands) - yikes!

mumblechum · 11/05/2010 18:11

I'd give her the £80 and give the buyer on ebay £50 for their inconvenience (not in that order, though - check with the ebay person first)