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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be this upset?

86 replies

TiredMummy2 · 11/05/2010 16:59

I know that compared to a lot of the problems people write about this is very minor, but I really feel upset about this. I don't know if this is normal, or even if I'm having some kind of breakdown.

I don't know if any of you had the StoryTeller magazines and tapes when you were little (published early '80's). I had a full set of them with my sisters, and they have been at my mum's house since. I have thought lots of times about taking them, but thought it's not really fair for me to get everything just because I'm eldest, so I left them in case my sisters wanted them, but of course I would still have access to them. Then on Sunday I found my mum has sold the lot on ebay for £80, she has given them to me so I can record the tapes before posting it off, but it is not the same, and I will never have time to photocopy all of the magazines, even if I did it will not be the same. I know it sounds stupid as it is only storytapes but I can't stop crying, the thought of packing it all in a box and sending it to someone makes me feel ill.

I really feel angry, I was trying to be nice and now I have lost something that was really important to me. I feel like just saying I'm not giving it back and we aren't posting it to whoever bought it and she can refund them, but my husband seems to think I can't do that, and I am struggling to do it as I have always been a "good girl" and done the right thing. If it's the money she is bothered about I would give her the £80, I would give her more than that if she wanted, but I don't think she would accept money from me.

Thank you for reading my message, sorry it's so long but I feel like a part of my childhood is being stolen from me and as I said I can't stop crying, the kids have asked why I'm crying and I feel really pathetic not to be able to give a proper answer.

OP posts:
Original poster
TiredMummy2 · 11/05/2010 20:08

Thanks for all your help, but I can see this is starting to become a big issue. I can see that this is largely (not entirely) my fault, and I am going to ask mum to cancel the sale. I will have to check what else I have left there, but don't think there is much else that I want.

Maybe I'm over-reacting, but as several posters have said they are something that is remembered very fondly and I would love to pass them on to my kids.

Also I will try to get more sleep, if kids let me, to save future mental breakdowns about household objects .

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 11/05/2010 20:41

you make it an issue by posting in aibu.others respond.if you dont want your situation robustly discussed dont post in aibu

skidoodly · 11/05/2010 20:47

I probably do have issues, Cash in the Attic makes a red mist descend.

"Oh look, here is a an old tea caddy that has been passed down through your family for generations, it saved your grand-uncles life through a bizarre series of coincidences, you should sell it at auction for a tenner and take your kids to an Indiana Jones-themed softplay centre"

I don't think I'd treat an old flat-mate the way some of you apparently plan to treat your children. I'm surprised it's considered OK to sell other people's stuff without asking just because they left it your house.

Good to know though.

scottishmummy · 11/05/2010 20:49

cash in attic is tawdry.selling precious memento for £20

some comics you haven't looked at since nineteen canteen arent precious artefacts

runnybottom · 11/05/2010 20:50

Well actually, since I'm the one paying for all the plastic shit stuff, its mine to do what I want with.

I hope you have an enormous house to store everything your children may have touched over 20 years, and take it with you if you move, until you die, just incase your kid ever wants that mcdonalds freebie or wooden train?

skidoodly · 11/05/2010 20:54

they are a precious memento to the OP, she wanted her children and nieces and nephews to use something that meant a lot to her and her sisters.

I'm struggling to think of something more precious than that.

the complete denial of the kind of value these things have for her is the reason cash in the attic is so tawdry and depressing.

scottishmummy · 11/05/2010 20:57

the angst and anger is displacement.this isnt about comics.

SmellsLikeTeenSweat · 11/05/2010 21:01

YANBU. But it does sound as if your Mum didn't realisse you still wanted them - she was having a clear out.

I came home one day to be given £6 that my mother had got for some Japanese rice-paper books that my Gran had given me. Mum didn't like the pictures of dragons & ogres so she sold them without telling me. I've never forgotten it. She said they went to a Japanese bank & I've tried to track them down, but no luck .

If you really want to keep your things, be firm with her & contact the buyer if necessary - tell them that your stuff was sold without your permission.

skidoodly · 11/05/2010 21:02

Thinking it is horrible to sell a complete collection of something collected jointly by your three daughters without even checking whether any of them might want it isn't the same as hoarding all sorts of shite in case your children might want it.

There is a middle ground between keeping everything (my ma) and thinking you should sell anything that you can get a couple of quid for (cash in the attic).

if this woman thought her daughter didn't want the tapes, then why did she offer to let her record them before sending them on to their new owner?

SmellsLikeTeenSweat · 11/05/2010 21:05

Guilt attack. Why didn't she offer to let her record them BEFORE she sold them?

thesecondcoming · 11/05/2010 21:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SmellsLikeTeenSweat · 11/05/2010 22:01

You have a point there TSC

skidoodly · 11/05/2010 22:04

it matters if you are arguing that the mother didn't think the daughter wanted them. if she thought they were unimportant or of no value she would have thrown them out, not sold them and then offered to let her daughter take a copy.

if you think that it is fine to sell your children's things when they are grown up regardless of the value those things have for them, then obviously it doesn't matter.

thesecondcoming · 11/05/2010 22:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

whatname · 11/05/2010 22:27

yanbu
my parents recently cleared their loft and they asked us to help and they wouldn't have thrown away or sold anything without asking us first. And the stuff had been there for 20 years.

runnybottom · 11/05/2010 22:32

Come off it Skid, you're "struggling to think of something more precious".....so precious she neither took them, mentioned them, made any effort to claim in DECADES?

Get a grip will you?

thesecondcoming · 11/05/2010 22:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

scottishmummy · 11/05/2010 22:41

isnt about dusty ole comics.this is mother -daughter dymanics

"as I have always been a "good girl" and done the right thing" most telling phrase

these comics have gained a pseudo-emotional status,when in reality she hasn't actually sought them out or claimed a stake before mum flogged them

whatname · 11/05/2010 22:42

arh, they were obviously of sentimental value to the OP. It would be nice if the mother had realised that. Might be a bit OTT being quite so upset, but she could have at least asked if it was ok to get rid of them.
It wasn't every toy, TBH the stuff in the loft was of more sentimental value to my mum. I had 2 boxes up there, my sister had about 40. Sentimental is not my thing really.I couldn't even remember what was up there, but I would have been upset if my mum hadn't consulted me.

skidoodly · 11/05/2010 22:45

so precious that she didn't want to take them for herself because she thought her sisters might want them.

that's pretty damn precious in my book.

for a mother to sell something that her daughters jointly built up together and hadn't yet managed to decide how to pass on to their own children is cold

I'm not talking about whether or not you should throw out old tat. This stuff was SOLD without any consultation.

Are you guys really saying that if three of your children put together a complete collection of something, over years, that you would sell it to the highest bidder on eBay without even bothering to check whether a single one of them might like it?

There is no way on earth I would ever sell anything that I thought somebody I loved might want more than a complete stranger, unless I was destitute.

ninah · 11/05/2010 22:48

god I had the reverse of this
trunks and trunks full of 70s clothes, school reports, mildewed books, gen tat to wade through when my parents died
made me very anti 'stuff'

scottishmummy · 11/05/2010 22:49

nicu name tag,1st prem nappy,photos are mementos

some adolescent comics retrieved in 30 years aren't.if these comics were so precious why were they festering in loft

but as i see it this isnt about the comics
is about mum-daughter dynamic

skidoodly · 11/05/2010 22:51

I'm pretty anti-stuff too, being the daughter of a pathological hoarder.

The thing is that if you know something will fetch a price on eBay, it's not a massive leap to think that the people who own it might also want it.

Throwing out worthless stuff is an entirely different undertaking from selling valuable stuff you have no use for.

That the mother had no use for the collection doesn't (to my mind) excuse selling it before giving her daughters the chance to claim it.

thesecondcoming · 11/05/2010 22:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

skidoodly · 11/05/2010 22:53

if theses comics are so worthless why is a perfect stranger prepared to pay for them and why is the OP's mother bothering to list them on eBay?

It all seems a lot of effort and expense for "tat".

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