to be this upset?

[TiredMummy2]

I know that compared to a lot of the problems people write about this is very minor, but I really feel upset about this. I don't know if this is normal, or even if I'm having some kind of breakdown.

I don't know if any of you had the StoryTeller magazines and tapes when you were little (published early '80's). I had a full set of them with my sisters, and they have been at my mum's house since. I have thought lots of times about taking them, but thought it's not really fair for me to get everything just because I'm eldest, so I left them in case my sisters wanted them, but of course I would still have access to them. Then on Sunday I found my mum has sold the lot on ebay for £80, she has given them to me so I can record the tapes before posting it off, but it is not the same, and I will never have time to photocopy all of the magazines, even if I did it will not be the same. I know it sounds stupid as it is only storytapes but I can't stop crying, the thought of packing it all in a box and sending it to someone makes me feel ill.

I really feel angry, I was trying to be nice and now I have lost something that was really important to me. I feel like just saying I'm not giving it back and we aren't posting it to whoever bought it and she can refund them, but my husband seems to think I can't do that, and I am struggling to do it as I have always been a "good girl" and done the right thing. If it's the money she is bothered about I would give her the £80, I would give her more than that if she wanted, but I don't think she would accept money from me.

Thank you for reading my message, sorry it's so long but I feel like a part of my childhood is being stolen from me and as I said I can't stop crying, the kids have asked why I'm crying and I feel really pathetic not to be able to give a proper answer.

for you, Tiredmummy.

They were yours and your sisters'. I'd be a bit upset too.

Have you told your Mum how you really feel?

I think in your position I'd tell the truth - say that the only reason you hadn't asked to have them is that you thought your sisters might want them, you thought it was best they stayed at your Mums. And then be a bit sneaky, and say that as your Mum doesn't want them, you and your sisters should have had the first chance to buy them. Offer the £80.

Your Mum might take it, (I wouldn't if you were my DD!) but whatever happens, you will have made your feelings known.

(I get upset about these things too. I once lent my favourite childhood doll to my sister's DD, on the understanding that it wwas returned. It never was. Years later when I had DCs, I commented on a rocking horse my Dad had made for her DD, stored unused and unwanted in a shed. My sister made a sharp comment that made it quite clear that my DCs were not going to be able to borrow it. I was as I had
given her DD my most precious dolly. So I immediately snapped: "Where's my XX doll? I never had that back" and stood there in silence while my sister searched for it. It hhad got a bit squashed so she ended up re-stuffing it. I never came out and said outright that I was hurt that I had lent something precious to me to her DD, and kept quiet when it was not returned and thus been hurt when there was no way she was going to lend something of her DD's to my kids - but I hope that she got the point. BTW my Dad was by then too frail to make anything like a rocking horse for my DCs.)

My mother sold my brother's Star Wars toys while he was away and gave him the money. He hasn't forgiven her, and still refers to it some 20 years later.
I completely understand why you're so upset. Precious childhood possessions are not just "stuff".
However it's not worth ruining your relationship with your mother about - explain that you're very upset, let her apologise, and forgive her.

say something to your mum. Offer to buy them, if someone is prepared to pay £80 for them then she should see they are 'prized' items.

and it's ok to get upset and emotional about stuff. You don't always have to be grown up.

I can understand how you feel. My mother got rid of my wedding dress, ALL my albums and lots of other things.

She said that I told her to get rid of the dress (didnt actually) and it had a coffee stain on it - she was supposed to get it cleaned while I was on honeymoon. It never crossed my mind to double check, because she is my MUM.

The albums, no idea where they went, charity shop probably, but some were expensive and worth money now.

I dont care that she got rid of everything else, those were the only things that i wanted and I had asked her to keep them at her house as DH and I had just got married, lived 400 miles away and were not settled permanently in a house. Wont ever do that again.

So, although to many on here your tapes etc arent a big deal to them, I can understand that you wanted them and are hurt, but you can copy them and still have them.

Maybe this way some other family will get the same joy that you did. Could you maybe see it like that to ease the hurt a little?

It does not require the gift of second sight to understand that your offspring might not be thrilled about you selling off their childhood posessions for pin money. What a nasty callous thing to do.

An entire collection amassed over three girls' childhoods flogged for 80 fucking quid?

Jesus.

Yanbu

Thanks, I'm starting to think that maybe I'm not completely mad, just VERY sentimental added to chronic exhaustion from the kids. I think I will call her later and offer her the £80 and ask her to cancel the sale.

What lovely supportive posts. OP - some good advice here

Thing is, her reaction isn't "out of proportion" - maybe some people don't understand her reaction, doesn't mean her feelings aren't valid.

Lots of posters have said that although they wouldn't have the same attachment to things, they understand how you may be feeling. I understand too.

My brother bought the family home when my parents split up. Dad wasn't on the scene & my mum fled, wanting nothing anyway.

My brother's bitch wife emptied the entire attic She threw out old chairs, a Singer sewing machine, some teasets which I would have loved to have had, my entire Take That collection of posters, t-shirts, badges, watches, mugs, everything you could acquire!!

Much, much worse - she threw out entire albums of our baby photos. I will never forgive her for that.....

Also I remember my mam giving away a massive yellow straw dog that dh won for me at a fair (we were 16 then & only just a couple) she give it to my cousin's son who she had never met before, but had only came for a visit with his granny!!!!

If I were you I wouldn't let them go. Give her the £80 to refund the buyer. Or if being really sneaky, talk DH into talking to her & buying them for you as a 'surprise' as he think you'd love them

It does not require the gift of second sight to understand that your offspring might not be thrilled about you selling off their childhood posessions for pin money. What a nasty callous thing to do.

Runnybottom I realise now I shouldn't have left them at my parents for so long, but I did it thinking that as the eldest I had already had first pick of some of our other childhood things so i would give my younger sisters the chance to have these. In the belief that if they had them I and my kids would have the oppertunity to occasionally look at them. Obviously I now know I should have said something, but hindsight is a great thing to have, at the time nothing had been thrown out for years, and no mention was made that this might happen.

I agree I might be over the top, but I can't help how I feel, and you must admit not having had a full nights sleep for 9 months and still breastfeeding (hormones) might be contributing.

I think it is callous and unfeeling to sell something your children spent years collecting together without even bothering to check whether they might like it.

I understand why you feel upset OP, my comment is directed more at skid and the over-reactors.

Did your mother have any clue that you might have wanted them? If you took other things but not that it seems a reasonable conclusion that you didn't want them. I'm not saying your mother was right, but it seems harsh to call her names for it.

My elder sons have been collected ben 10 figures for a few years, if they come looking for them in 20 years when they have 3 kids of their own I think they;ll find them long gone!

I know what you are saying runnybottom, but I think I will still ask her to cancel the sale, however much of an over-reaction this is, it is still worth £80 to me to stop feeling this bad.

I would like to point out I have not called my mother names, I think when I said I was angry with her I wasn't accurate, more angry at the situation and myself for being so stupid and "too nice" in not just taking them in the first place.

Also I think I may have some trouble with my kids things, I am very sentimental and I think I'm going to find it hard to chuck out any of their toys that aren't completely broken. I may have to just save them all in my loft and then present them each with a massive box to sort through when they eventually move out .

YANBU, I took 2 broken My Little Pony houses out of the skip because I didn't want them to go I would be terribly upset if my mum sold anything from my childhood (not alot left really), partially because I want to keep it and partly the principle. I am kicking myself I let my first bike go to the dump (RIP Bluebird ) when we moved when I was 17. It's not hurting anyone keeping some childhood things, and my things are tat compared to yours! Definatly give your mum £80 to refund, or an extra tenner for the bother. Once they are gone they are gone and you will forever wish you spoke up.

this isnt really about comics.is about you feeling no one listens and feeling disempowered. comics are symbolic of you feeling loss

pragmatically they have laid in loft for donkeys years.understandably no one (other than you) attributed significance to them

so calmly have discussion with mum that you felt disappointed,and perhaps could she check with you....and mooooove on

now stop crying and get some perspective.you are disappointed but its not end of world.

It's not beyond the realms of possibility that she had no idea how much the OP loved them.

It's such a pity that there is no modern means of communication that would have made it convenient and easy to check whether any of her daughters were interested in the complete collection they had put together and that might soon be of interest to their own children.

No modern means of communication such as might be accessed on the very same machine she used to list and sell their stuff on eBay, having realised that it was certainly going to be of value to somebody (apart from the £80 she was going to get out of it).

If she'd chucked them out or given them away to someone who expressed an interest I'd buy the "how could she have known?"

She sold them on eBay. How could she NOT have known? Surely if someone else was prepared to pay for them there was a good chance her own daughters might want them.

TiredMummy, I had the full set too. I still think of them nostalgically. My mother threw mine out when she moved house - I was also disappointed. Do you remember the poem Rhubarb Ted?

Sorry, I think I may be making this worse for you. I would love to have mine back so I could hand them on to DC(s) when they are old enough. They really got me into reading.

' I may have to just save them all in my loft and then present them each with a massive box to sort through when they eventually move out'

You might have a long wait, TiredMummy2, until offspring have accommodation big enough to house old fluffy bunnies, board games etc etc.

The buyer on ebay might easily be an ordinary person who happily forfeits her buy to make you happy. Email them.

you cannot hoard every momento on off chance the kids want it.take photos of you and dh,chose some items that will have significance

make your own memories now like dvd,photos.

the comics are symbolic,rather than desiring the physical objects

this is more about you feeling compliant and always being "good girl"

get closure from the comics
move on

AliGrylls

Rhubarb Ted
I knew a funny little man
His name was Rhubarb Ted;
They called him that because he wore
Rhubarb on his head.

I'd grown so used to this strange sight,
The cause I did not seek;
But then one day to my surprise,
I saw he wore a leek.

I asked him if he'd please explain,
and let me know the reason;
He said, "I'm wearing leek because
Rhubarb's out of season!"

by Anne O'Connor

Skid, oddly enough those methods of communication work in both directions, and the OP could have told her mother at any time that she wanted them.

Whatever. I get why the OP is upset, but can never understand the need for other randoms to get so narked about it on their behalf? Ishoos of their own, perhaps?