devasted at ds having poor sight

[wishingiwas]

I feel devasted- my ds aged 2.5 has really poor sight (+4.5). I am so shocked as he appears to see fine - has he been going through life thus far not seeing?? Must have been awful.

We have been for glasses today - I cant see him keeping them on and I have to say they realy dont suit him. Sounds awfully but he does not look cute - just geeky. I will of course be mega positive to him and all.

He has a lazy eye too which is why I took him - I imagined they would patch it - but apprently not at this stage - just the glasses which I did not expect.

I know it is stupid as eleswhere in the smae hospital a friend son is struggling with 'real' sickness. But I feel so upset. Even dh was close to tears.

Do NOT feel bad about not noticing. If I had a Euro for every mother in my consulting room that was shocked to realise how bad her dc's eyesight was, sometimes in children aged 10 or more I would probably be able to retire!

+4.50 is actually not bad at all. As a very general rule it is unusual for a squint to develop in a child who has a prescription of +4.00 so your ds's prescription is probably about average for a first prescription.

Also, longsightedness is not a dreadful thing to have. Most children have an amazing ability to focus, so his vision has probably been fairly normal but his brain has compensated by favouring one eye over the other, to avoid having to force them to work together, which would be difficult, or to prevent double vision which is intolerable. The glasses mean his eyes can relax and may enable to let them work together. If the lazy eye does not improve, he may still need a patch.

It will take some time for you to get used to seeing him in them but in 20 years of practice, I have yet to meet a Mum who was still upset about it 6 months later. By then, you will be coming in moaning about how boys are always breaking their glasses and how quickly can they be repaired!

But the OPs DS is unlikely to be in the situation when leg shaving will be an issue.
The haircut thing is also less of an issue for guys.

And there's nothing to stop people with glasses swimming .

Finding out your child has an unexpected problem is a shock, and the OP has my sympathy. But needing glasses is not really a big problem in the scheme of things.

So, not being able to see is not likely to stop you swimming?

Piprabbit, do you wear glasses?

dd began swimming lessons wearing normal goggles, she couldn't see the edge of the pool so didn't know when to stop and scared herself crashing into the wall, caught her foot on a tile and made it bleed. one pair of prescription goggles later, and she's much more confident in the water.

Yes, I wear glasses. Over the last 35 years I have also dabbled with contact lenses and prescription goggles. Or even just timing my swimming for when I know the pool is quieter.

My eye sight has not got in the way of enjoying my swimming.

Sorry, LucyKate, the point I am trying to make is that being short sighted does cause problems in day to day life.

You have highlighted it yourself, with your DD's experience.

Yes, you have now got your DD goggles (which no doubt cost you £££).

I'm just annoyed with certain posters on this thread inferring that it is no more worrying than finding your DC has an overgrown toenail.

I thank god I wasn't born a couple of hundred years earlier, then I actually would have a disability.

Sorry, Piprabbit, x posts.

Then you must be able to see well enough without your glasses to see the pool, or other swimmers.

I don't have that lixury.

Bitterandtwisted, I fully accept what you say about uncorrected vision being a disability. Have you come across http://www.vao.org.uk/ this fantastic charity who are working towards a world where everyone has access to eyecare and spectacles?

My point is that in the UK, we do have access to the eyecare and glasses we need - and with that care we can fulfill our potential. I don't need people feeling sorry for me and assuming I am less able because I wear glasses.

Sorry bad link - here goes.
www.vao.org.uk/

And I can see no more than 10 or 12 inches in front of my face. Certainly not well enough to be able to spot an oncoming swimmer until too late...unless I have my glasses or lenses in.

btcd, yes, it does cause dd problems, even with her glasses on, her peripheral vision is still blurred, she trips over her own feet a lot, gets headaches as she has double vision. i dearly wish i could see what she see's so i could understand what it's like for her more.

the goggles weren't cheap, about £32, you can get cheaper but at the time she asked for pink ones which fewer places did, of course, now typically her favorite is blue!

she manages really well, but i do feel sad in the mornings sometimes when i hear her panicing because she can't find her glasses (bit like velma from scooby doo!)

Piprabbit, you can see a whole 6 or 7 inches further than me

I am probably scarred by childhood memories where I wasn't allowed to do swimming lessons with the class as I wasn't allowed my specs, and couldn't see well enough without them.

I still can't swim properly.

It just annoys me when something that is treatable is seen as a triviality.

It is treatable, not curable.

have just looked on the vision aid link and found out about donating old glasses. we have a spectacle mountain here, would be good to pass them on if they can help elsewhere.

I guess I have just found a chip on my shoulder that I didn't even know I had!

lk - agree with the spectacle mountain - I will dig out and donate.

(although my current specs are so out of date I am not legal to drive in them )

Maybe better to donate when I get my new specs.

dont feel bad, i wear glasses myself, [uneven, short sighted, astigmatism] and i genuinely didnt realise anyone saw them as a hindrance at ALL until i came on mumsnet!
i have been lucky enought never to have been teased about my glasses [apart from one boy when i was 15, who came out with 'speccy four eyes' and i remember saying 'how original']
you may feel odd about it now, but trust me, you need to have a positive attitude about it, you're just not used to it yet. its strange at first, but eventually youll find it strange seeing him without glasses!
someone on this thread has mentioned contacts, i have them for emergencies and swimming, but i wouldnt even mention contacts to a child.

glasses are cool, lets face it ladies

and people who wear glasses are NOT 'less able'
we are people who wear glasses. we dont even have a problem, just the rest of you are so ugly we need the world to be blurred to make you look prettier

wishing, I know that it is hard to accept when something like this comes up. We all want our children to be wonderfully healthy and free from any type of limitations. But now you really have to focus (parden the pun) on helping him develop fully functional vision. A lazy eye is nothing to take lightly. Fortunately, the sooner detected the sooner corrected! You can find lots of useful information here

My dd just (about a month ago) also got diagnosed with glasses +4.5 - I felt appalled that she's apparently spent her whole life half blind and I never noticed... On getting to wear them, we bribed her with dinosaur sweets for the first two days, and made sure everyone seeing her for the first time made a big fuss. She now proudly says she has glasses as she is special and dd2 can't have them... We also lost a pair (left on bench for a min, then stolen by seagull) in the first week, which was pricy and annoying. Noticed a real improvement in the squint after only 2 weeks. I must admit that I also struggled a bit with the sudden change in her appearance with glasses on, and then felt really guilty for doing so.

"I'm just annoyed with certain posters on this thread inferring that it is no more worrying than finding your DC has an overgrown toenail."

And I'm just annoyed with certain posters who are inferring that wearing glasses is a disaster and will stop you doing things.

200 years ago, yes, but not now.

wishingiwas, I have read only your first post and no, YANBU. I feel the same about my now 5 yr old DS. His one eye is nigh on perfect and the other is +8. The twat of an optician that saw us first was so curt with my DS and so blunt in telling me that your son will wear glasses and they are going to be thick!

DS is undergoing patching and the functioning of his eye is improving.

it is a shock to think that your DS may have gone through his whole life up to now not being able to see well, but think of the positive: it has been detected and you are doing something about it!

will read more later, but please take some comfort in the fact that it will make his life better.

BTW, both DH and I were in tears when we found out that DS needed specs.

But now, he has a gorgeous pair that suits him, he has taken to patching as well as can be expected and he is aware that life is better with specs than without.

xxx

Seeker does have a point. Surely the fact extreme shortsightedness/longsightedness is a disability for a few people, this doesn't mean everybody who has to wear glasses is going to be seriously hampered? Most people are not! Thousands and thousands of people wear glasses! Most of them are not disabled in any reasonable interpretation of the word.

I wear them myself and am very fond of outdoor pursuits, swimming in particular. Two of my nephews wear them- they are both extrememly sporty and particularly fond of swimming. My third nephew did wear them for longsightedness but then grew out of it and no longer needs them- again, does lots of sport. My niece wore them until she was old enough for contact lenses, again a very active swimmer.

I think it's ok to make a bit of a drama over the first time your lo's body is found to be a little less than perfect. But I don't think we all need to pile in and tell the OP how hampering this is going to be for her ds' life- looking at all the little boys and girls who wear glasses these days, chances are it won't hamper him at all. And no teacher would let you off swimming these days because you wore glasses: there are far too many children around wearing glasses and having a good time!

YABVU.

No such thing as "can't" in my vocabulary. I've never not been able to do something because of the glasses. Just a question of finding the way. Swimming? wear your glasses! Shaving? Wear your glasses! Haircut? Trust your hairdresser! Put your glasses on for a sneak peek when the hairdresser leans over to get a new implement! Really not life-limiting.

I understand you are upset. But I don't think you should be "devastated" ..and I have severe short sight myself and have done since childhood.

My DD is 3.5 but can't really talk, interact, or walk that well, and there is nothing like glasses that can help her, and that IS quite devastating, to be honest, I am not saying this to make you feel guilty in any way, just to help you put it in perspective a little.

I cannot understand why you would be "Devastated" tbh!!
I have worn glasses since I was 4, DS1 has worn them since he was 4, my mum, dad, sister, brother, uncle, nan, grandad, aunts and cousins all wear glasses. And guess what??? We coped as children without feeling bad etc. And when i got mine it was national health ones only i didn't have the red for girls i had the blue ones.

If you have this attitude DS will pick up on it regardless of how you try to disguise it.

i asked dd a while ago if she would like surgery to correct her vision, she said 'no, because then i wouldn't need to wear my glasses!'

You sort of are and sort of aren't being U.
I'm very very short sighted and astigmatic and had specs since I was 5. (contacts now, but I was teased so much at school, both my kids and teachers that I am scarred about glasses and won't even look in a mirror when wearing mine and will only wear them when, like now, I'm in the house on my own.) So, yes, I was fairly sad when dd last year was prescribed glasses (long-sighted and astigmatic) as I remembered what I had gone through as a child (and teenager)

It is different now though, dd hasn't been teased once. We've moved on as a society, thank God, and we don't (if we're decent people) call people for being black, for being spotty, for being fat or for wearing glasses.

I can't see the tv screen clearly 4 ft away from me without my glasses/lenses, but can swim like a fish (and have done so since I was little) Everything looks fuzzy in the pool but it's not like I actually bump into people.

YABU though to be "devastated". Lots more things a lot worse that your children could be suffering from.