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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

devasted at ds having poor sight

136 replies

wishingiwas · 10/05/2010 21:29

I feel devasted- my ds aged 2.5 has really poor sight (+4.5). I am so shocked as he appears to see fine - has he been going through life thus far not seeing?? Must have been awful.

We have been for glasses today - I cant see him keeping them on and I have to say they realy dont suit him. Sounds awfully but he does not look cute - just geeky. I will of course be mega positive to him and all.

He has a lazy eye too which is why I took him - I imagined they would patch it - but apprently not at this stage - just the glasses which I did not expect.

I know it is stupid as eleswhere in the smae hospital a friend son is struggling with 'real' sickness. But I feel so upset. Even dh was close to tears.

OP posts:
IMoveTheStars · 10/05/2010 22:40

IME longsightedness is better than myopia in a child (sorry, not sure if anybody mentioned this). but a lot of kids grow out of being long-sighted due to how the eyeball changes shape.

Sorry if this info is out of date, it's what I was told when iwas a child (if you were long-sighted you'd be alright, but you're short-sighted so it's only going to get worse - gee, thanks)

I'm -5.0, and wear contacts. It's not the end of the world but I would be bloody devastated if DS has the same eyesight as me. I hate having crappy eyesight.

NoahAndTheWhale · 10/05/2010 22:43

I am surprised that neither DS nor DD needs glasses yet - I am pretty shortsighted (-10.25 in both eyes but see not as bad as some here).

I didn't get glasses until I was 6 and I remember walking into my classroom on the day after I got them and being able to see . It was great . I didn't know any different - probably assumed everyone saw in the way I did.

I wear contact lenses most of the time and my only grumble is that I have to know exactly where my glasses are when I go to bed as I can't see them when I wake up - I have to feel in the right place.

I feel lucky I live in a time where sight problems like mine can be sorted out.

IMoveTheStars · 10/05/2010 22:46

I very clearly remember the first day I got glasses (at about 9yo). It was amazing - first thing I said was 'wow, the trees have LEAVES!!' (I'd never seen them before)

Just to give a bit of perspective Your DS may love them

mumbar · 10/05/2010 22:49

Oh and OP there are many different contacts that can be worn nowadays. I beleive there are ones that can be worn for a month or longer so if you really don't like your dc in glasses perhaps discuss this?

I do know they are developing all the time as 10 years ago (when I was late teens) I wanted lenses as went through the whole self concious stage but couldn't because of astigmatism but now they are always trying to persuade me to do a consultation but I feel naked without my glasses!!!

TotalChaos · 10/05/2010 22:56

yabu a little, I understand why as a parent you would find it upsetting, but as Noah says, thankfully we live in a time where glasses/contacts are available so that most people will have their problems fully corrected just by wearing glasses.

longfingernailspaintedblue · 10/05/2010 22:57

My glasses are my single most important possession.

I have worn glasses since the age of 5, and have a prescription of 8.5 in each eye. At first they were weird but I got used to them in weeks.

And I still remember the sense of awesome revelation when I realised how things were really meant to look!

So don't worry. To be able to see clearly is a great thing!

NoahAndTheWhale · 10/05/2010 23:01

I do sometimes think that in days gone by I would have been the old crone in the corner who couldn't see anything much or do much. Am very glad that isn't the case.

cory · 10/05/2010 23:02

It is a great thing for your ds that his lazy eye is picked up now. I resisted correction when I was young; the result is that as an adult, my ability to judge distances is very poor (I cannot for instance drive a car and am often uncomfortable walking downstairs), I tend not to see or react to things that come up on my right side (another reason not to drive), and despite years of treatment at eye hospital/special glasses with prism I still get double vision and frequent headaches. Oh, and I have a squint when I take my glasses off.

I was afraid of being bullied if I wore glasses. It didn't occur to me that the children who wore glasses were not being bullied, but I was- for my squint

wannaBe · 10/05/2010 23:03

I think yabu tbh.

I can understand that it's a bit upsetting that your ds will have to wear glasses, but to be devastated? Nope sorry don't get that at all. He's not been diagnosed with a disability - he has some issues with his eyes, which tbh most of the population does - very few people have perfect vision.

If he had been diagnosed as being blind I could have understood the devastation and would have come to reassure you. But to be devastated over him having to wear glasses is a bit of an ott reaction, and I'm wondering why you feel so strongly about this.

BitterAndTwistedChoreDodger · 10/05/2010 23:14

I feel your pain.

I am -8.5 in both eyes with astigmatism.

DS has a squint which is thankfully correcting itself.

DD (15m) also has a squint, but with astigmatism also and we have been told that she will need glasses.

I wore glasses from the age of 3.

I used to hate my glasses growing up, and had contacts as soon as possible, from 14.

I was really upset when I first found out DD would need glasses, but recently ordered my first pair of new glasses in over a decade and am really excited about getting them!

I think that specs have come on in design in light years since the days of 'national healthies' and hope that when DD gets her glasses she will love them as much as I will love my new ones.

At least until she is 14.

seeker · 10/05/2010 23:18

You are devastated because you ds needs glasses? Words fail me!

IMoveTheStars · 10/05/2010 23:20

makes a change seeker

LionsAreScary · 10/05/2010 23:24

YANBU at all. It was probably a big shock for you to hear this news today. I'm sure as you learn more about his situation and start taking action to manage it, you'll feel less devastated, and more able to cope.

We found out at age 10 mths that DS2 is +5 in one eye and was starting to develop a lazy eye. We were lucky to catch it so early, as we've been told that before the age of 6, there is a good chance of being able to correct visual problems, and he may only need glasses as a child.

We've been back numerous times now, have done patching and drops, and he wears glasses. It is hard work with a little toddler but hopefully your DS is already getting to the age where you can 'persuade' him to keep the glasses on e.g. with star charts etc!

Not sure if there is a way to pm people on this site, but I'd be happy to talk if you know of one....

LionsAreScary · 10/05/2010 23:26

Hmm, reading some of the other responses, maybe it would have been better to post in a different forum than AIBU?! I've noticed you don't get much sympathy on here...
I hardly dare post sometimes.

BitterAndTwistedChoreDodger · 10/05/2010 23:27

Seeker, read some of the posts.

Like, I said, I really hoped neither of my DC would need glasses because I hated it so much as a child.

Would you post the same if the OP had said,

"I'm Devastated because I've just found out my child is being bullied, and that made my childhood Hell"?

Yes, there are unfortunately much worst problems that a child could face, but that doesn't mean I should be jumping up and down with glee.

MadamDeathstare · 10/05/2010 23:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cory · 10/05/2010 23:31

I think we can be gentle with the OP, seeker; it is her first and he is still little; she hasn't had time to be hardened by the knocks of life against her lo.

I cried when my dd knocked out a front tooth at about the same age. Yes, a milk tooth, I kid you not! I remember sobbing on the phone to my mum about it (and my mum clearly trying to keep a straight face at the other end).

Since then I have had both dcs diagnosed with a painful and disabling condition, I have had to accept that there are lots of ordinary things that they will never do, at least one of them is emotionally troubled to the point of needing CAHMS involvement- but I really don't think I've been as upset as over that silly little milk tooth. It's the first time, you know, that first little crack in the facade when you realise that your pfb is not perfect or invulnerable any more than the rest of us.

cory · 10/05/2010 23:33

The good news, of course, is that very few children do get bullied for wearing glasses these days. In fact, I would probably have stood a better chance of not being bullied for my squint either.

And as your lo grows, you learn that they are not you. Because you got bullied for something doesn't mean they will. Because you hated something doesn't mean they will. And so on.

seeker · 10/05/2010 23:39

I am humbled, Cory, as I should be. But I still think that people should not be allowed to think that glasses are a disaster.

piprabbit · 10/05/2010 23:40

My DM wept when we found how bad my eyes were at age 5. The school eye test results made her start asking me questions about what I could and couldn't see, and she suddenly realised I was unable to see the beautiful flowers in the garden from the kitchen window.

However, it was not at all upsetting for me because I didn't know any different. I just thought that everyone saw the world as a fuzzy (kind if runny watercolour) place. So don't feel sorry for your DS, his life so far has not been awful - just different from what you thought.

Getting glasses was a revelation, and I quickly got used to them, and so will you and your DS.

duchesse · 10/05/2010 23:42

I know you must be taking it hard, but if it's any consolation I've had glasses since I was 5 and my parents noticed I was squinting when looking at far off objects. How long I'd been short-sighted is anybody's guess but I can remember nearly falling down at the clarity of everything when I had my first pair of glasses. My eyesight subsequently got worse and I was entirely dependent on them by the age of 8-9. My eyes are now around -8.5 + astigmatism.

However, my sight has always been very well corrected and are really part of me and my identity. I feel weird without them, even for the few months when I cheated on them with contacts made me feel bad. My children think I look odd without glasses. I've rarely found them a hindrance- people used to laugh at me when I went swimming in glasses, but frankly they'd have laughed less when I swam into them.

All this to say that I have a very good relationship with my glasses.

Don't beat yourself up about not noticing sooner- it's very hard to notice in a pre-school pre-verbal child. You know now and that's brilliant. And some people believe that the eye keeps working harder if you don't correct it.

IMoveTheStars · 10/05/2010 23:47

guessing you don't have really crappy eyesight seeker?

seeker · 10/05/2010 23:50

Wrong. Very crappy. Dp ditto. Dd worst. Waiting to find out about ds- fine so far.

BitterAndTwistedChoreDodger · 10/05/2010 23:53

Seeker, I know you have 'been humbled'

But, have you ever been in the situation where,

You can't go swimming?
You can't Shave your legs properly?
You have no idea what a haircut looks like until it's finished?

Being severely short sighted may be correctable, but there are still situations where you may as well be blind.

It's not like 'being devastated' about a broken nail.

lucykate · 10/05/2010 23:56

well, i can totally empathise with feeling devastated, i was when we found out about dd's vision, i cried on the way to the optician, but it is short lived devastation, it passes quickly and pretty soon you will become used to the idea. dd was 18 months when her squint appeared and about 22 months when she got her first glasses. she is +5 on the right (her good eye!) and +6 on the left, also has a squint and astigmatism. we've done patching, 9 months of 2 hours a day after school, there's a picture on my profile of her in the patch i made for her.

there's no doubt about it but when dd first got her glasses she looked geeky too, she had ones with curls on the arms round her ears, but now, she's 8, she looks really odd without them! she's got spongebob glasses at the moment and already has her next pair picked out. she's also got prescription goggles for swimming and this summer will be getting her first pair of prescription sun glasses as she's been getting a lot of headaches from squinting in the car.