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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

not to push for ds to start school in sept?

46 replies

Poohbearsmom · 10/05/2010 12:25

Ds1 will be 4 on sept 17 and dh thinks it would be good for him to start primary school in sept this year but i would 'prefer' him to start montessori n sept this year and big sch sept '11... We'v just moved to the area and im just doing all the enrolling forms etc and the sec did sound as though they might let him start this year if we pushed a little (didnt tell dh that ) i just feel he's not ready yet and that he'd be the little one but startin next year with a year of montessori under his belt would be better for him... so aibu not to push for him to start in sept altho its what dh really wants?

OP posts:
abbierhodes · 10/05/2010 12:29

I doubt they'd let him start early.I'm in education and have never heard of this happening.

sdr · 10/05/2010 12:30

I'd hold off - have two DS aged 8 and 5. The older one has a July birthday, so one of the youngest and even though he's able enough he was really too young. The second has a Nov birthday and he's got on with school much better. Montessori for a year sounds a much better option.

jeee · 10/05/2010 12:31

When I was at school, children born up to Sept 20 were considered to be in the "twilight zone", and were sometimes allowed to start school a year early. It's possible some local education authorities still allow this.

However, I would certainly not want my child to start school a year early. There's loads of research that summer kids do worse at school, even at A level.

ticktockclock · 10/05/2010 12:34

Yes some children can start then. My DD was born Sept 3 and when I went to different schools to view them I was told that children born in Sep can start depending on their maturity. Some do well and others do not. They told me that if they start early and do not do well they will repeat.

saslou · 10/05/2010 12:39

My DS was an August baby, so started school when he was only just 4. In retrospect I think that although he enjoyed school and wanted to go (big bro is 16 months older than him and I think he wanted to go to school like his bro), he would have been better to wait as he was the youngest in his class and being taught alongside children almost a whole year older than him. For some children, this does make a big difference esp in the early years

CaptainUnderpants · 10/05/2010 12:53

I doubt whether he will get into a state school a year before he should. never heard of that happening .

Why rush him into school ? espcailly as then he will be one of the youngest - might knock his confidnce a bit . Being a boy I wold suggest he would ne better off being one of the oldest in the class not the youngest. (Have a DS born in August - started school 4 yrs and 4 weeks ! )

ClaireyFairy82 · 10/05/2010 13:05

I think it would be best to wait. I know someone who is only 4 days older than me but went to school a year earlier. My birthday is Sept 15th so I turned 5 after 2 weeks. I was so ready for school and was eager to get in there and learn. I think it can have a profound affect on a child's self belief and confidence if they start school too soon. I was and still am a confident person, ready to tackle any problem. My friend still lacks self confidence now in her late 20s. It may be just coincidence, but you cannot help but compare yourself to your peers. If your ds is in a class with children over a year older than himself he might not be able to do things they can, which wont help his self esteem or confidence. If you wait a year he?ll be one of the oldest and will thrive ? thus giving him the self belief that could transcend his life at school.

LunaticFringe · 10/05/2010 13:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Magaly · 10/05/2010 13:21

My son is already four and he's not starting school until September 2011. It is parents' choice here, to decide whether or not your child is ready. You can start them later than 4 +2 months, but not earlier.

To start a child at school at 3 and 11 months is way way too young imo, but I am not in education. Just the parent of a boy who had GDDs.

mice · 10/05/2010 13:28

My son's birthday is sep 3. The final year at home before he started school was a long one - he was quite mature for his age and was reading by the time he started school as he wanted to keep up with his brother who is only 18 mths older. At thetime I wondered if it would be worth looking at him starting school a year early.
However, now he is 12 - I look back and think I must have been mad. The years fly by. Primary years are full of fun mixed with learning. It was exciting for him to always be the oldest child - and watching his confidence and self awareness grow each year made me relaise that rushing their childhood away is just silly.
He is now at a top grammar school. I believe he would still be there had he started school a year earlier (and a fair number of his friends have August birthdays) but education is about far more than academic tests and ability. The amount my son has grown in a personal and social way each year makes me grateful for that extra year he had home.

Original poster
Poohbearsmom · 10/05/2010 14:07

thank you all so much for replying i feel alot more confident about my decision having read yer posts. I should have said im in ireland (if that makes any diff...) so maybe thats why she was hinting that if i pushed yes he might get a place but she was much happier when i said i think id prefer to wait till sept '11... Dh started a year early and really loved it and did well in sch till the older years of secondary but thats a diff story but he just thinks ds is clever and would do well... It may be a case of pfb but i just dont want him going early for all the reasons ye said and iv also heard about it possibly effecting confidence which id just hate as ds1 has never been to play sch and we dont hav any family or friends with young children for him to play with so he hasnt got alot/any of exp with other kids other then his lil brother who's 2 but i think montessori would be great for him then start big school next year... Ds2 is an april baba and i think id be happy enough with him starting at 4.5 but time will tell if i dont think he's ready then start at 5.5 would be ok wouldnt it? Am going to fill the enrolement forms as sept '11 for ds1 and sept '12 for ds2..... I think.... Thanks again everyone

OP posts:
Magaly · 10/05/2010 17:58

Oh, in that case definitely wait til 2011. It seems to be the norm here to hold any child born towards the end of the cut off period back, particularly for boys.

I've heard people argue that not only will the child cope better with school start and the early years; learning to read and write etc! but also the child will have more confidence, be better at sport, more popular with classmates etc, will do better in the leaving cert! be more mature and less easily led by peers if one of the eldest....

... Loads of reasons...

They only just brought in the free nursery places so have you used up your year yet?

If you were trying to get your son in to my dc's school he wouldn't be allowed to start until 2011. The cut off in my dc's school is the child must be four by 30th of the year they start.

Magaly · 10/05/2010 17:58

June 30th that should say.

pooka · 10/05/2010 18:03

My ds was 4 in September. He'll be starting on his 5th birthday. While I think he's just about ready now there is no way that it would have done him good starting last september at 4. Academically he is fine, but I think he'll benefit a great deal from just being a little more mature and one of the older ones (dd started at 4.5, as January intake because she has a JUly b'day).

mumbar · 10/05/2010 18:18

captainunder pants I'm the same DS 5 now is an august birthday. He's in year 1 and slighlty 'behind' his peers for writing but school won't help because of his age and gender they allow it. Still expect him to get same results at SATS next year tho!

OP because of my above issues I would agree with you about montessori as if DS struggles to keep up with his peers then it may harm his self-esteem.

Magaly · 10/05/2010 18:21

That's really unfair that the parents can't make the decision themselves I think. They know best.

Also, imagine a child is premature. A child born two months prematurely on the 30th august could start school at only just 4 and a full term child born on the 1st september would wait til the next year. It just doesn't seem right that the parents can't say "no my child isn't ready yet". Or have I got this wrong?

CarGirl · 10/05/2010 18:25

I have 4 girls, 2 are August born. They are both academically doing very well in fact the 6 year old is flying and one of the top in year 2, however it is still very obvious that she is one of the young ones in the way she plays/what she wants to play & wear and other social ways IYSWIM.

It would not be my choice every to start them at just 4.

mumbar · 10/05/2010 18:29

magely in the case you described then then child born 30th august can stay part time in education or nursery as they don't have to attend full time until the term after they turn 5.

cargirl its lovely to hear your dd is doing so well.

Magaly · 10/05/2010 18:29

My dc1 is a girl and although she's doing fine (she started at four and a bit) she had a few friends home and they were doing pictures with perspective and shading and my dc1 was still doing stick people!!

well, it's a slight exaggeration, but that's how it seemed for the first 3 years. I thought she was doing well and then whenever we had a friend over, I would be unpleasantly made aware of how much more capable her friends were doing!

bran · 10/05/2010 18:36

You're right Magaly. The system in the UK is really frustrating in its rigidity regarding age. DS (summer birthday) was having severe problems in reception and when I suggested to the school that he should repeat reception if he was still struggling at the end of the year you would have thought that I suggested that they break the fecking laws of physics.

If you're in Ireland PB'sMum then take advantage of the more sensible attitude to starting dates there and start your DS when you feel it suits him best. We are moving to Ireland this summer and the head teacher of his new school asked me what year I would like him to move into, I could have kissed her. He will be moving down a year btw as that will keep in his age group, otherwise he would be one of the youngest in his year. I get the impression that most boys there are started later rather than earlier where there is a choice.

Magaly · 10/05/2010 19:30

lol at breaking the laws of physics!

mumbar · 10/05/2010 19:56

Oh Bran you may have just convinced me to move to Ireland!

Had same thing when DS didn't settle I suggested taking him out of school back to full time nursery 8-4 where he would still be on EYFS and return for year 1. Head basically told me I am stupid!

pranma · 10/05/2010 20:12

My dgs will also be 4 on Sept 17th.He will go to nursery class of his primary school for 4 mornings having had a year in a private pre-school.His mum was August born an started school 2 weeks after her 4th birthday.She always did well academically but I dont really think most 'rising 4s' will be ready for reception.Montessori for a year sounds perfect.

saslou · 10/05/2010 22:14

I'm now confused by people saying parents don't have choice as to when dc start school. My dd is 2.7 (oct baby). Will she be expected to start school in 2011 (at 3.11) or in 2012 (age 4.11). I would prefer the latter. Is it still the case that legally children must start school in the academic year that they turn 5

mumbar · 10/05/2010 22:18

Children can and usually start school the september in the academic year they turn 5. So for your DD It will be the october she is 4.11 as she will turn 5 that academic year.

However it is not a legal requirement for children to be in full time school/education until the term after they turn 5. Therefore you could nogociate with the school part time until the January if you felt it was in the best interest of DD.

(I work in education) Hope this helps.