to ask ex to put DD into his will

[sevenkeystomysoul]

Ex (DDs father) owns a house outright (inherited after his wife, the mother of his DS, passed away). His DS is in his will to inherit house. But now he has DD also, AIBU to want her to have an equal share of the house should anything happen to ex or myself?

Silverfrog - how old are each of the children? If the children are older - what kind of education did they have, what type of jobs are they in? Are they well set up or struggling?

Are DH's first two children likely to be provided for by his first wife or is she likely to spend it all on blue rinses and cruises when she's older?

littlemoominmamma WHY is it HER house? - why is it not half her house and half 7's EX's house???

It would NOT have been HER house to leave in her will, only HALF.

Sorry to 'shout' at you, but this point seems to be being over looked and no-one is answering me on this....

I think there are 2 issues here:-

1. Provision for both DCs - YANBU about this as provision for your DD and therefore the DS of ex-DH. I would think most MNs would support that. Although some would argue (not me) that DCs should make their own way (if over 18) without waiting on a windfall when mummy and daddy pop their clogs

1. How the house will be dealt with in the event of ex-DH's death. A vague will could cause alot of trouble in the future so, I can understand your concern. You have to decide whether or not to ask a direct question or leave well alone. I do not think your DD is entitle to an equal share but possibly a part-share as it is her dad's asset not his DS's.

FWIW I would leave the house issue well alone and focus on the future provision issue.

Have you done a will? Did he change his when DD was born? You could maybe approach your ex asking him what he has assumed about his DD's future (not money but who takes care of her) as you want it sorted out.

Chippingin, children are currently 22, 19, and 5 and 3.

Elder 2 are at uni, fees paid by dh, plus generous living allowance (as he should). schoolin was private, fully paid by dh (again, as he should) even when he couldn't actually afford the schools chosen by his ex. In fact we are still paying off the younger ones fees, due to re-structuring rather than removing from school.

Noidea whether his ex would spend it all on blue rinses. Unlikely, I htink,but possible I suppose. (please don't take this as bitterness becauseit is merely factual reporting, I do not begrudge my step children anyhting dh ahs or will spend on them) she has delighted in telling them dh does not support them "enough" (not sure hwat else he should have been doing, tbh) so maybe she will blow it all to prove to them that what she has said is true! As I said, unlikely though>

She knew the situation when she got together with this man. She knew he had a son whos mum had died and that the house was hers and was now left to the son.

What right does her daughter have to this property???

If I had a big brother who had a different mother who had left him a house or even an ammount of money why would I or my mother be pushing for half? Or have ANY right to it????

She has obviously been thinking about this for a long time. Jealosy is a horrid thing and can make people behave without thought for others. She is in my opinion jealous that her step son will have a house.

Guess she could try through the courts but I doubt she would get much sympathy there either.

Silverfrog

I would make sure we had a LOT of Life Insurance, as much as we could reasonably afford. This I would hope would be enough for the surviving partner to live on and maintain (financial) status quo for the surviving partner and all 4 children.

I would make sure we had mortgage insurance to pay off the mtge if one or both of us died, so that our home was mortgage free.

Out of the Life Insurance I would make sure there was a provision for your joint NT child to be schooled well and put through UNI - the same as the elder 2.

I would hope to leave a sum to the elder 2, which they would get on DH's death which is not dependant on your death (I think it's fair for them to inherit when their father dies, not when a step mother dies when possible).

I would leave your joint NT child a value roughly the same as the share of the assets DH has already left in the house for DC's 1&2.

Then I would leave as much as I possibly could for the care of DD1 - if there is not enough left over for that, then the scale down from the other children - if there is more than DD1 would need, share it out.

I would then write a letter explaining what you have done and why you have done it. Things don't need to be 'equal' they need to be 'fair'.

Little - you still haven't answered my question - WHY is this the wife's house??? It is HALF her house and HALF 7's Ex's surely to god. The house was NOT HERS to leave to her son - it was HALF HERS.

When 7 was with her EX he was going to sell his house, she was going to sell her house and they were going to buy a joint house.

HE knew the situation when HE had another child. His DS is now not his only child. BOTH children need to be provided for.

Honest to God I feel like I am typing in a foreign language - can anyone answer me?

Unless your ex remains single, any new marriage will invalidate any existing will. YABU - your ex can choose to leave his assets to whomever he chooses. Hypothetically, the more usual scenario that is likely to occur is that your ex remarries and his new wife will inherit all his assets. I have a friend(who should know better but it's clearly an emotive subject)who has a big problem with the thought of her millionaire father (in his sixties) remarrying and his new wife getting it all.

I amhearing you loud and clear, chippingin (and thank you for your thoughts. I hadn't really thought about mystep children inheriting when dh dies, if he goes first, will look into that and see what our provision is)

I notice that the thread has also gone silent since I set out our situation.

ime, on the whole, peopleare very biased towards children from first/previous marriages or relationships. The attitude seems to be,as shown here, that any subsequent children (and their parents) are money grabbing, and out to get whateverthey can. The attitude is invariably "well, he/she shouldn't ahve gone on to have more children", forgetting that those children, for the most part are already here, are wanted and affordable. It isn't a case of taking anyhting away from anyone, it is about sharing thingsout, fairly as you pointed out, within a family, whatever size/shape/form that family takes.

I note that everyone assumes that the OP's ex's ds must be resentful of his sister, if she shares in the house. Maybe he would behorrified that she would be left out?

He knows the OP and her dd (his sister) and has lived with htem. He considers them family.

Chipping In, I see your point & agree with you. Now breath.

there is also the point that the house now belongs to the ex. whoever owed it before is irrelevant. When people give/bequeath something, it is no longer theirs. Unless the previous wife made provision in her will for it to be held in trust, any wishes she had are moral rather than legal. The ex DOES have a duty towards any of his children to make sure that they are provided for. To leave one child with nothing, and another with a house & his full estate, is unfair and cruel towards the second child

op didn't say she wanted the entire house to be given to her daughter - just that she thought her daughter should be provided for in some way. how things are atm, it's as if his son is his only child & his dd does't exist. i think it's perfectly logical, and morally right, for the father to acknowledge and provide for ALL his children (perhaps not equally, but to some extent), whether they be past, present or future. we argue so much about dad's taking on responsibility, but this father is ignoring one of his kids. if he does she gets nothing, as if he were never her father.

if the previous wife had divorced, (and the H had ended up with the house) rather than died, i think there'd be a v different response - how dare his ex keep the house all to her son, when the op's daughter could end up with nothing!

Chipping - please stop shouting.

It is not her house (op) it is her ex-partners house. He may dispose of it however he likes in his will.

It is not anything to do with op she has no right to it and she knows this. In my opinion that is why she is trying to get him to change his will.

She has a right to maintenance for her daughter, no-one is disputing that.

The house is an asset no different to a wedding ring or jewelery that was this boys mothers property and the dad quite rightly belives it should be left to her son.

I am sure he will divide all other assets (that are morally his to divide between both his children)

oops - just reread op - equal share may not seem fair. 25% may do (half the father's half share). Although, it is NOW entirely his, and his daughter is as much his responsibility as his son.

have been thinking about doing a will &, of course, going through all the possible future scenarios such as this. i trust dh to do right by dd, BUT have seen first hand how families can fall out & start pretending that people don't exist, so they get nothing.

Cheer up op, you may go first

YANBU to request that your child be included in the Will. However, I think that your ex's son should be the sole beneficiary of the house as it was jointly owned with his late mother. Your child will eventually receive an inheritance from you.

silverfrog & kissangel - thank you - I was beginning to wonder if I was typing with invisible key strokes!!

SF - some of the attitudes beggar belief really don't they. It is hard to get down on paper how you want things to be should anything happen, it's complicated & emotional. However, in a blink of your eye, your situation can change and it's important to have a will that reflects your wishes - should the unimaginable happen, it's not a time when you want to be worried about money. I know you 'know' this - but it's so easy to put it off, but honestly, please don't - just in case x

Little - can you please explain why this house is his mothers and not half his mothers and half his fathers? This thinking makes no sense to me.

'The house is an asset no different to a wedding ring or jewelery that was this boys mothers property and the dad quite rightly belives it should be left to her son.'

Zippy - isn't the 'jointly' the key here? Jointly half his so surely his half should be divided between his children and her half should go to her son and her son only? Thus 1/4 to HIS daughter?

I think the OP should get back all the money she paid towards the house/mortgage £0.00 then forget about it.

Chipping - if the house is 1/4 hers why are we having this conversation?

It is not, it is his.

verity - thanks for your reply too When I asked the OP about it, she said she was pretty sure they'd bought it together. I've made it pretty clear throughout that my statements are based on them buying it together, but if she did already own the house before she got together with 7's EX then it should absolutely go to just his DS, without a doubt!

Also V, I think you are incorrect in your belief that if you are of sound mind she wouldn't get it. I don't think that is how the law works. I actually think it should though! I truely believe you should be able to leave it to who or what you wish, as long as you are of sound mind.

Little - I will have one last shot at this. I believe he should leave 1/4 share to his daughter in his will (His daugher NOT the OP). Take an apple, cut it in 4, his late wife has half (2 pieces), he has half (the remaining 2 pieces), he gives his son his late wifes 2 pieces and he gives one piece of his bits of apple to his son and one piece of his apple to his daugher. It is about his share of the asset and not his late wifes share which would go to her son.

Don't really know what to say to this but didnt want to read and run.

I think you are BVVVU and very shallow, in your OP you said:

''AIBU to want her to have an equal share of the house should anything happen to ex or myself?''

Why should she have equal share? When the mother of her HALF BROTHER died? The house should be inherited by HER son, not her sons HALF SISTER.

To me you seem a 'tad' jealous that your Exs son is going to inherit a house and your DD wont because you dont have the assets to give to her.

I am concerned that the OP has not acknowledged that she also has a responsibility to make some provision for her daughter?s future. I understand that the OP has lost her own home yet even people who have been declared bankrupt eventually (obviously not for several years) manage to regain some financial stability. It might be that in 5 years time the OP is able to purchase a property and protect the mortgage repayments with an insurance policy for the benefit of her daughter yet the OP clearly hasn?t given any thought to such a possibility or to the possibility that she might take out life assurance on her own life to benefit her daughter.

My view, for what it is worth, is that it is unreasonable to simply ignore the contribution the ex-partner?s wife made to the purchase of the house and her likely desire that her son alone inherit ?her? 50% of the value of the property. The fact that the wife did not take any steps to create a trust is a ?red herring.? Most mothers-to-be fail to consider the possibility that they will die in childbirth; certainly the thought didn?t cross my mind.

As others have said, the OP needs to have a discussion with her ex partner and the possibilities, however, if she doesn?t acknowledge the wife?s financial contribution and likely wish to benefit her son and also acknowledge the OP?s own responsibilities towards their daughter, then I can?t see the discussion ending well.

Finally, the OP does say that she is sure the son will look after the daughter. I hope that doesn?t mean she would pressure him to give away his inheritance ?as it?s only fair.?

As for the daughter not feeling as valued as the son; why in these circumstances would she not understand that part of her half brothers inheritance came from his mother, just as she will inherit from her own mother?

Chipping - I dont think anyone on here thinks this is reasonable so quite why you are saving all your vitriol for me is quite wierd

It is not op's house she never paid a penny towards it she does not have a right to half of it or even a 1/4 and neither does her daughter.

Weather her father makes other provision for her is up to him and I would hope he would, however he could leave everything he has to the dogs home.

She should be more bothered about building up an inheritance for her daughter herself as she is only 3!! so she has plenty of time!!

Off now to do some "work" to pay my half of my mortgage on my house (I am not counting on inheriting anything!)

And the end of the day, the house was paid off in full as a result of the mothers death, morally the house should go to the boy in full, he has been at a disadvantage as he only has one parent, it is disgusting to think your child has any claim- Yuck!

I suggest you stock up on life insurance policys if you're so concerned,hey you could even post some to your ex with a note attatched

Silverfrog, I am one of three siblings who have a fourth sibling who is unable to care for himself. We know that my mother?s home and a sum of money will be left to our sibling and there is a will to this effect. His needs are such that without this inheritance he wouldn?t either have a roof over his head or sufficient money to survive. We understand that my mother does not love us any less but rather that she has looked at the respective needs of her children and divided her estate accordingly. Although we are substantially older than the children in your blended family, I cannot understand why you believe that ?your family? would not see all too well why your daughter?s needs are such that she would inherit a greater sum or why they would equate the size of their inheritance with the amount of love their parent holds for them. Sometimes an equal division of a parent?s estate is not a fair division.