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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that slapping a 9 yr old in the face is wrong?

75 replies

TheChicOfIt · 06/05/2010 20:42

I don't really want to go into too much detail and air someone elses dirty laundry, but would it be acceptable for a mother to slap a 9 yr old girl in the face?
Personally I'd like to think that there is no possible reason for this - though I know that the child in question can be very very rude/trying.
AIBU to think this is overstepping the mark?

OP posts:
electiondayisherewoo · 06/05/2010 20:43

YANBU, slapping or hitting a child in any way is never acceptable IMO.

cory · 06/05/2010 20:47

Definitely overstepping. Even those of my friends who do accept smacking would draw the line at a)smacking the face b)smacking such an old child (questions of dignity).

wheredidmyoldlifego · 06/05/2010 20:48

Don't think you're being unreasonable in the slightest - doesn't matter how old the girl is! What kind of message does that send the child regardless of how rude she is!?

nikki1978 · 06/05/2010 20:48

No it is wrong. My mum slapped me around the face when I was 14 for borrowing her bra and I have never forgotten it. She knocked me to the floor and it was so upsetting and shocking to me. She never did anything like it before or since though.

No need for it whatsoever. There are always other ways to deal with the situation.

DumpyOldWoman · 06/05/2010 20:49

Of course it's wrong.

But if it was a much-regretted one-off following extreme provocation, followed by apologies and serious thought about how to avoid in future, then it probably wouldn't be disastrous.

Bimble · 06/05/2010 20:54

Wrong definitely but agree with DOW's point about it being a one off if it is. Are you having a dilemma about telling the person in question you thought it was wrong?

minipie · 06/05/2010 20:56

well I know this will be unpopular but here goes. My mum slapped me round the face on a few occasions (maybe 4 or 5) between the ages of about 8 to 15. Only very rarely, and under extreme provocation (I was probably bullying my little sis or being extremely rude to her). On each occasion I knew very well I deserved it and it told me I had overstepped the mark. I actually would have hated being sent to my room/refused an upcoming treat/etc far more than the slap.

So I would not say it is ALWAYS unacceptable, though obviously not ideal. It all depends on the precise situation, how frequently it happens, how that particular child is affected by different punishments, etc.

Original poster
TheChicOfIt · 06/05/2010 20:57

Glad to know that I am not alone then .
It is my DSD, and she can be awful at times, lying and over exaggerating, but when she told me this I was pretty shocked. Her mother has admitted that it has happened, but that it has only happened twice ever.
I asked DSD what her mum did afterwards ie apologise etc and she said that she didn't apologise and never does.
Though obviously I don't know if that is true or not .
I try not to get too involved but this just knocked me for six.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheChicOfIt · 06/05/2010 21:01

No not a dilemma really - as DH and I have already spoken to her and she says she believes in smacking/hitting in extreme circumstances. DSD says her mother hits her "all the time", but I think she means on the back of the legs, arm etc.
I don't really know what to make of it all.

OP posts:
LouMacca · 06/05/2010 21:03

Absolutely wrong.

My Mum slapped me across the face when I was around 9. I had just had my photo taken in one of those booths and she didn't like the picture. This has stayed with me for the last 32 years and it still upsets me. I have mentioned it to my Mum several times and she says she doesn't remember doing it [hmm}

Hulababy · 06/05/2010 21:03

Slapping ANYONE in the face is totally unacceptable, let alone a child.

I also disagree with hitting children at all, so on all counts I say it is unacceptable.

Bimble · 06/05/2010 21:04

It's a very difficult subject isn't it. I don't condone smacking at all but I can't judge it either. I'm guilty of it myself albeit not around the face. If you're a parent, chances are at some point you will have been tested to the absolute limit of your patience. Most of us have been there Chic -haven't you?

LouMacca · 06/05/2010 21:04
piscesmoon · 06/05/2010 21:06

YANBU. It is wrong to slap anyone, of any age, around the face, whatever the provocation. It isn't acceptable to hit.

BertieBotts · 06/05/2010 21:07

No, I don't think that hitting a child in the face is ever acceptable.

My mum used to smack me on the bum - everyone did then - and I don't particularly remember it or resent it or anything, but she slapped me around the face a couple of times when I was in my early teens and I have always remembered it and always resented it. It felt personal whereas a smack was just a punishment IYSWIM.

Hulababy · 06/05/2010 21:07

How can you not judge an adult slapping a child round the face? I on't get it.

How would you feel if a husband slapped their wife round the face? Or an adult woman slapping an eldery parent round the face?

Where is the difference?

Original poster
TheChicOfIt · 06/05/2010 21:07

I can't say I have as yet Bimble - though DS is only 21 months . I'm not totally anti-smacking and I can understand how some children must test ones patience, but I just feel that a slap on the face with absolutely no remorse is a step too far?

OP posts:
Bimble · 06/05/2010 21:21

It's wrong. I've said that Hula but society seems to accept that there are mitigating circumstances sometimes. Technically slapping someone in the face constitutes assault for which you can be held to account by law but would you want to see a woman prosecuted for slapping her daughter round the face? I say no. The OP says the girl says her mother hits her all the time. I'd want to know a bit more in that case to ascertain whether or not there's a genuine problem especially considering the girl has been known to 'lie and exaggerate'.

pegger · 06/05/2010 21:23

Ohhhh, I think it is wrong to slap anyone around the face.... but thinking back I remember hitting my daughter once and caught her ear (hate to admit this) she often reminds me of this and I have apologised many times but the guilt remains. Sometimes we are pressured with life and pushed to the limit, no excuse really, but we are only human.

Linziwam · 06/05/2010 21:55

I think there's a big difference between a mum giving a child a controlled tap on the hand or bottom as a deterent for doing something dangerous, and a mum losing control and slapping the face to relieve her own anger.
The latter is plain wrong IMO

mitfordsisters · 06/05/2010 22:56

It's a horrible thing to do - really humiliating.

claw3 · 06/05/2010 23:10

'It is my DSD, and she can be awful at times, lying and over exaggerating'

Are you sure she is not doing this now?

Original poster
TheChicOfIt · 07/05/2010 09:11

Well yes claw3 - that was my initial thought, but the mother has actually admitted to doing this, though she says she didn't hit her hard, just to shock her.

OP posts:
Cretaceous · 07/05/2010 09:20

Obviously, she shouldn't have done it. Does she regret it, then?

I feel a bit sorry for her, as she sounds like she's under real stress to do that. Not that stress is an excuse, of course, but that would make it more understandable.

Hopefully, it was a one-off.

claw3 · 07/05/2010 09:25

Has your dh spoken to his ex about it?

If i was in this position and my ex had slapped one of my boys in the face, even for shock value. I would be letting him know that i was not happy about it and that i expect him and i to agree discipline that is acceptable to us both, so it is continuous between home to home.