To feel cross about how I was fed growing up?

[electiondayisherewoo]

I really need some perspective on this as it has been playing on my mind a-lot recently!
For many of my childhood and teen years, I was basically brought up on ready meals, processed food and junk food. Between my parents and my child minders, most of my childhood food memories are of chicken nuggets, oven chips etc. I was overweight by the time I was 5 years old (although my family never understood this as apparently I was only ever having ?the same as all my friends? ) and have ended up where I am today at a 21 stone ( I know it?s awful) and a terrible relationship with food. It?s always been my friend, a reward, a comfort etc.
Basically, I don?t know how to cook very much. Bakes cakes? Oh yes!! Cook anything healthy? No! I am almost clueless about it all (embarrassingly so). I know hardly any recipes and have crap in the kitchen. Would rather just bung some chips in the oven as this is what has always been normal to me. I don?t want to be like this anymore, not for me and defiantly not for my children. ( I had always vowed they will never be overweight as them being fat would make me feel a total failure as a mother).
I think about being fat, literally ALL of the time. Everywhere I go, everything I do I feel so fat and conscious ? it?s taking over my life. I think I also have an unhealthy relationship with bodies and being fat in general. My mum has always been obsessed with body shape and diets. As a child, whenever we were out / watching tv, my mum would say ?Am I as fat as her?? etc. ( She isn?t fat btw!).

My relationship with food is terrible, my self-esteem is rock bottom ( I won?t go to supermarkets etc during ?regular hours? as fear I will be judged etc, will not go in the gym without a friend and am staying in the house more and more for fear of being judged).

Not exactly sure why I am posting but just wanted to know if AIBU to blame my family ( a little) for how I have ended up at 21 stone. Yes I know I am an adult know and need to change, but have been brought up basically on crap and feel maybe I would never have been fat had I had a healthy diet as a child etc. My parents are wonderful and I hope I don?t across like they are bad because they are not and I love them dearly.

I know I need to change, and I need to change NOW. There can be no waiting, things have got too bad. And I know I need to change for ME. ( My mum is always telling me I need to loose weight) and I KNOW I do but part of me would love to say to her ?If you hadn?t fed me all that crap all those years, maybe I wouldn?t be like this?.

Sorry for the long post and moaning, I know it?s not up to them now , it?s up to me. I just feel annoyed that I was allowed to get fat by the time I was 5 and pile on the weight all through my childhood and teens. AIBU to feel cross about how I was fed growing up? Feel free to tell me I am, I just needed to get it all out as I could never talk to my parents about it ( it would only upset them).

You are not being unreasonable to blame your family. IMO it's neglect and what they did has affected you terribly.

Feel as angry as you like, acknowledge it - then try and treat yourself better

Can I also add that even though I take responsibility for my own life I still feel (appropriately) angry at the way my parents treated me as a child.

I have no experience of this but didn't want your post to go unanswered and what you are saying makes perfect sense to me. There are so many supportive threads on her for those who want to lose weight or get fit. I hope one of the posters will be along to offer you advice. good luck! Venting on here can only help I think.

Ummm
your parents and family may be partlyresponsible. But do you know how they were parented regarding food?

If your mother has a difficult relationship that may be born out of all sorts of issues that were not of her making.

I think whether or not you have a point there is little to be achieved by blaming your parents.
It will just make you feel helpless and conditioned which is not a good mindset for getting a healthier attitude towards food.

It's time to take responsibility for yourself imo. It's you making the decision to put those chips in your mouth. And presumably if you can't cook, you are repeating the cycle with your own children

i think YABU unless a bit

all parents do what they think is best for their child, or at the very least, what they think is good enough

if you believe your parents knew full well that they were feeding you crap, if they had the opportunity not to and didn't just because they coldn't be bothered, well then no, yanbu

but I reckon your parents were doing their best and sadly it has turned out like this, but is it truly and honestly their fault?
i mean, i do agree that how you were fed and your relationship with food is probably cemented at a fairly young age. But you are your own person and somewhere along the line you could have learned to cook, learned to eat healthily etc etc

I dunno, I have issues with weight as a result of my mum and dad persuading us to eat everything on our plates. all lovely homecooked meals. i know how to cook well myself.... but i still like to snack on crap too hence current weight issues!

YANBU although It sounds like your parents tried their best, tbh. Fairly pants in this respect, but all parents are fairly pants at something.

i have no idea why i put unless in my first sentence!!! lol

electionday - your OP is very sad and angry, and I think you are completely justified in feeling the way you do - both resentful for the bad lessons imparted in childhood, and full of good intentions for yourself and your children.

Why don't you talk to your GP and see whether she (I hope) can give you some advice or even refer you for counselling? It sounds to me as if you are well on the way to turning the corner and adopting a healthy attitude to food, but of course you need someone to help you unlearn the habits of a lifetime, and teach you some new, better ones!

Go to weight watchers.

I am NOT being flippant. they will helpn you with healthy eating, portion control and also recipes!

yes, you pay £5.50 a week, yes it's all a bit Fat Fighters, but it works and it's not a crash diet.

Thank you LadyintheRadiator and others, I take all your points on board. I agree, it is my responsibility now and it is up to me to change. It's only since i've been thinking, "I MUST change" that i've started to think about it all.

thisisyesterday - all parents do not do what they think is best for their child, you know!

Forget your family's responsbility for this. They presumably thought they were doing OK. They didn't deliberately overfeed you.

Take charge. Make it your job to get it under control. And then you can feel proud of your acheivements.

times have changed - you grew up in an era where convenience food and kid friendly food was the in thing, so your parents gave it to you.

now we are generally more aware of healthy diet

you know you want to make changes, so do it!

Go to a weightweatchers or similar, get some healthy recipe cards in the supermarket, live on salads and stir fries - easy

I see children today who are grossly overweight and can imagine them in your shoes in 10 or 20 years, and yes, I DO judege their parents, i really do. In this day and age with all we know there is NO NEED for the levels of obesity we are seeing in our kids

YANBU and you are not alone.

I have a terrible relationship with food as well. I am a bit overweight and struggle with endless diets. My mum is very slim but we always had sweets/biscuits as children and I, too, was a fat child/teenager. My mum, too, absolves herself of any blame - apparently no-one forced me to eat food that was in the house and we always ate a good, balanced diet.

I can see how my mum forces treats and sweets on my own DC but luckily they are only with her once or twice a week and genetically, they take after their Dad - whippet slim calorie burners. My mum looks sadly at my lovely, skinny, wonderfully healthy DS1 and says "oh he's sooooo thin...".

I think people who have never been overweight as children can never appreciate how crippling the resulting poor self esteem is (which has led to me making a number of very bad decisions in my life). I think parents of overweight children need to be told this rather than emphasising the health aspects of obesity.

YANBU. And good on you for wanting to break the cycle with your kids. A wonderful attitude. Seriously, you need to learn how to cook good healthy food for them. Start with salads, any kind of salad. Buy any bag of leaves from the supermarket and drizzle some balsamic and olive oil on it and you're away.

Then pan-fry some fish fillets. In a tiny bit of olive oil.

Or toss some rocket leaves, garlic and cherry tomatoes through some pasta.

Make fruit salads (no cooking at all involved) for pudding instead of baking cakes or using ice-cream.

Choose wholemeal bread, don't buy white bread again.

Don't have fry-ups for breakfast. Have porridge or toast or cereal or fruit... anything but egg and sausages!

And remember, you can't cook oven chips or chicken nuggets or ready meals or frozen pizza... if you never bought them in the first place. Stay up the fresh veg end of the supermarket and avoid the freezer. Never go to Iceland again. It all starts in the shop.

You'll get there! Good luck.

It is easy to be influenced by what your parents did when you were a child but growing up means that you gain new perspectives and have different experiences.

Can remember when my DH had his first taste of broccoli, they only had peas and carrots at home. I think early 20s is when you discover different foods to the ones served at home. So assuming you are at this age or older, think you've had time to discover new foods and cooking techniques.

If you haven't done this and are now blaming your parents for your lack of skills and knowledge, then I think YABU.

I was brought up on pizza, chicken nuggets, sausages and chips/smiley faces. So was my sister.
I never really had alot of knowledge about nutrition, until I had my DC's. They get homecooked dinners every night, a balanced diet, they take vitamin and fish oil supplements daily. This was down to me. Just as it was down to me to continue my bad eating habits when I left home.
My sister however, gives her DC's frozen ready meals/sausages and chips every night, but then she's yet to take responsibilty for alot of things (another thread perhaps).

Whilst I understand your annoyance at your family for not giving you a better education about nutrition, it's up to you to decide how you want to eat when your old enough to know better, IMO.

YANBU for blaming your parents a little but things were probably different when you were growing up. People were not educated to dangers of eating too much junk (I don't think they were anyway) and childhood obesity.

I was brought up on junk too. A typical lunch box for me at primary school consisted of a white bread corned beef sandwich, a yoghurt, crisps and a chocolate bar. My mum would great me everyday at the school gates with a packet of sweets. Can you imagine? The food police would be up in arms today! Luckily, I have never been overweight but I do so wish that my mum had been better and taught me how to cook!

My mum always was, and still is, a terrible cook and lives off ready meals!

However, it's up to you to do something about it now.

Know someone who claims that because she was weaned onto Angel Delight she has developed an incurable sweet tooth that can be directly attributed to this and it is all her parents fault

I on the other hand was brought up on veggie purees etc and am a choclate fiend, so am very uninclined to blame the parents (in this instance!)

i also agree with the comments re:- scottish slimmers, weight watchers etc. they are slightly expensive but you do get your moneys worth as they are teaching you about healthy eating.

i am larger than your average person and when i don't go to my slimming club i really notice the difference.

like yourself was brought up on processed foods but it is now up to me to change it.

totally understand what you are saying wrt your children, my son is 5 and i feel myself constantly watching what he eats, but i definately do not let him know. would really hate him to grow up in the same ilk i have.

you owe it to yourself. good luck

I don't think it's about your childhood diet. I think it's about your relationship with yourself. It's about your sense of self-worth and your own self-esteem.

More and more it is being demonstrated that digging about in your past is unhelpful as a treatment for depression. What is being shown to be helpful is changing the way you think about yourself now.

I think you should go to your GP, tell her "this is how I think of myself. This is a form of depression because the way I relate to myself and my life is making me ill and I need to change it in order to be well. Please refer me for CBT."

You live in the now, not the then. Quite possibly your childhood diet has had an influence on what and who you are now. But resentment is only going to make you more bitter. It's only going to be another negative thought to beat yourself up with. And ultimately it's going to be a reason why you can't do anything to change. You need to break out!

*My mum would greet me! Dunno what's wrong with my spelling recently