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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Son got told off for something he said which was actually true.

73 replies

dkcrooby · 06/05/2010 12:48

Hi,

My son or the school lost one of his reading records with a list of books he brings home to read with us. They have now given him a new one but now they don't know which books he has read and which he hasn't. He knows and tells them. Yesterday he was reading to a mother who comes to help out and she asked him to take the next book on the list. He told her he'd already read that one and she must have argued with him. Apparently he told her to check the list (he's 7) and she took offense to this and told the class teacher. She told him to stop arguing and if he carried on then he'd be sent to the head teacher. When he came home he was really upset. He's a quiet boy who hates trouble. I asked the teacher today what happened and she said because the mother comes in to help, she has to back her up. I asked her for the list so I can go through it and see what he's read. He can't remember all the books just from reading the titles, and I wouldn't be able to either! I just get so cross because she told him off for telling the mother that he had read the books. She just assumed that because it wasn't marked off on his reading record, then he hadn't read it and he must be lying to her. And how dare the teacher threaten him. He's the one who needs backing up because he's right.

Please tell me if i'm over reacting but he is such a gentle child and i feel he was moaned at unnecessarily.

Thanks

OP posts:

reikizen · 06/05/2010 12:51

You are overreacting tbh. Just one of life's lessons and he is big enough to cope with the situation, if it were me I'd just say 'Oh, that's a shame, never mind' and change the subject. Don't add fuel to the fire, he has to learn that school is about good and bad interactions with kids and adults.

Tiredmumno1 · 06/05/2010 12:53

Oh lovely to adults ganging up on a child, the classroom teacher has a duty of care to the children not a bloody volunteer. i would be complaining to the head if that was me. its inexcusable

Give your son a big hug, i hope he knows he did nothing wrong

ASecretLemonadeDrinkerDAVE · 06/05/2010 12:54

That's awful. I know children should respect 'authority', but they are not there to be bullied or brainwashed. Takes a few seconds to find out if what he is saying is correct, a misunderstanding or a lie.

Greensleeves · 06/05/2010 12:54

I don't think "if I am unfairly treated my mother will shruf and tell me to suck it up" is a very valuable life lesson

I would go in with him and have a quiet word - he deserves a fair hearing and the teacher is in the wrong. If she's a decent teacher SHE won't overreact and will apologise to your son.

Tiredmumno1 · 06/05/2010 12:54

I meant two adults

colditz · 06/05/2010 12:54

Disagree totally that he has to learn never to disagree with someone bigger than him, even if he's right.

Go in and see the teacher and point out that they have effectively forced your little boy into a position where he either has to lie ("No I haven't read the books") or be punished for lying wheb he's telling the truth("But I have read the books!")

i'd be really angry and would want him to have an apology. he's been badly treated, why should he just suck it up because he's seven?

MillyR · 06/05/2010 12:56

I don't think there is much point complaining, but if you do, rather than getting into a debate with the school, I would simply request that your child does not read to parent helpers.

thisisyesterday · 06/05/2010 12:56

i suspect the teacher was "backing her up" in as much as telling him not to make a fuss and just read the bloody book, not accusing him of lying

surely the most important thing is that he gets to read, it doen't matter if it's one he has read before.

ok, they handled it badly, if i had been the mum helper i'd have said "well, never mind let's just read it again shall we" and got on with it. but if he was being particularly argumentative I fail to see what else she could have done

thisisyesterday · 06/05/2010 12:58

the teacher told him to stop arguing, not that he was lying or that he had to read the book or anythjing... just to stop arguing

think you're way overreacting. unless this is AIBU by stealth, in which case i'll await the next installment

luciemule · 06/05/2010 13:00

Aaprt from the fact they've treated him incorrectly, of course it matter because I certainly wouldn't want my child to be reading the same books he'd already read again. That would put him way behind his peers. The teacher should have explained to the mum that he had lost his record card but that he could remember which ones he'd read or not. The mum shouldn't be telling him off in any case - she's a parent helper, not a teacher or even TA.
I would want an apology to me and my child from school and be assured that parent helpers would be chatted to about how they behave in front of the kids.

Tiredmumno1 · 06/05/2010 13:02

Why should he get in trouble he was trying to state a fact. then gets accused of arguing. the parent was totally out of order

TheProvincialLady · 06/05/2010 13:02

He must have said it in a rude way, however unintentionally, or the mother wouldn't have complained. I think if the mother is prepared to come and listen to your son read for free and in her own time, you could just accept that on this occasion your son caused offence and chalk it up to his experience.

OrmRenewed · 06/05/2010 13:02

Tend to agree with yesterday. I'm sorry that your child was upset and I do agree that children have to be able to stand up to adults. But it wasn't that important really and I suspect the teacher was just trying to cope with the situation.

However explaining how upset he was to the teacher is quite reasonable. Then perhaps she can talk to him and smooth things out.

diddl · 06/05/2010 13:04

"Apparently he told her to check the list (he's 7)"

I don´t get this bit.
If she checked the list wouldn´t it say that he hadn´t read it

Cretaceous · 06/05/2010 13:04

It's such a minor thing in life. Why stress?

When my DS was in Year 1, he pointed out the teacher had made a spelling mistake. He's a quiet good lad, but the teacher obviously thought he was being cheeky (although he was right!). She put him on "sad cloud", and now it's a family joke.

I think it's better to laugh about it, and explain that the teacher had an off day.

Original poster

dkcrooby · 06/05/2010 13:05

That's how I feel. He didn't do anything wrong. He would have been on the next level up by now and as it is, he's in the bottom level in his class because he's the youngest. This is not the first time it's happened and I think the mother was just getting tired of him telling her that he'd read the books. I think the mother could have told the teacher and she could have sat down with him and gone through the books. There was no need to threaten him or tell him off for telling the mother that he'd already read the books she was giving him. He is completely right in this case. And he shouldn't have to re-read books he's read already when it means that he can't progress onto the next level.

OP posts:

diddl · 06/05/2010 13:07

`But how did the mother know he was right?

Tiredmumno1 · 06/05/2010 13:07

Why must he have said it in a rude way provincial?

it cant possibly be the parents fault she might have been having a bad day and took it out on him. why does the child have to take the blame. the are adults and should be acting a damn sight better than that

bellissima · 06/05/2010 13:07

Agree with thisisyesterday. I am a mum helper (no not that particular one) and - on the basis of your DS's words -it seems that she did not handle it particularly well. But 'bloody volunteers' certainly aren't perfect but don't always have it easy - I work with groups and I deliberately avoid my own DC's classes - I'm not helping out in order to have a good nosey around. Often one or two children play up because they know I'm not going to tell them off like a teacher. I just grit my teeth and most of the time I don't even mention it afterwards. If you want to then have a quiet word with the teacher - and get a new list.

Original poster

dkcrooby · 06/05/2010 13:08

also, i know he isn't lying because he reads to either myself and my husband and we recognise the books too.

OP posts:

OrmRenewed · 06/05/2010 13:08

THe child wasn't made to take the blame. He was asked to stop arguing.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 06/05/2010 13:09

I wonder if he was rude (intentionally or unintentionally) to the helper and that's what's got them all het up.

Tiredmumno1 · 06/05/2010 13:10

Orm i meant provincial was blaming the child

diddl · 06/05/2010 13:10

"also, i know he isn't lying because he reads to either myself and my husband and we recognise the books too."

Yes, but how was the mother supposed to know?

thisisyesterday · 06/05/2010 13:11

in that case ask to see the books and make the lsit yourself.

the teacher has to back the parent helper up, becuae if she doesn't it undermines her and means that all the kids will play up knowing that nothing will happen

your son was told off for arguing, not for saying he had read a book.
he won't be behind just because he has re-read ONE book. get a grip

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