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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Son got told off for something he said which was actually true.

73 replies

dkcrooby · 06/05/2010 12:48

Hi,

My son or the school lost one of his reading records with a list of books he brings home to read with us. They have now given him a new one but now they don't know which books he has read and which he hasn't. He knows and tells them. Yesterday he was reading to a mother who comes to help out and she asked him to take the next book on the list. He told her he'd already read that one and she must have argued with him. Apparently he told her to check the list (he's 7) and she took offense to this and told the class teacher. She told him to stop arguing and if he carried on then he'd be sent to the head teacher. When he came home he was really upset. He's a quiet boy who hates trouble. I asked the teacher today what happened and she said because the mother comes in to help, she has to back her up. I asked her for the list so I can go through it and see what he's read. He can't remember all the books just from reading the titles, and I wouldn't be able to either! I just get so cross because she told him off for telling the mother that he had read the books. She just assumed that because it wasn't marked off on his reading record, then he hadn't read it and he must be lying to her. And how dare the teacher threaten him. He's the one who needs backing up because he's right.

Please tell me if i'm over reacting but he is such a gentle child and i feel he was moaned at unnecessarily.

Thanks

OP posts:

Cretaceous · 06/05/2010 13:13

It's so unimportant, though. Life isn't fair. By making a big issue of it, a small thing becomes a big thing.

If it had upset your son before, it'll upset him more if he sees that you think it's a big thing. Why does it matter? You can't sit in on the class and intervene every time something is unfair

Tiredmumno1 · 06/05/2010 13:14

The teacher should have informed the parent helper if the school knew about. and as soon as the boy explained he had read it, the helper should have had a quick word with the teacher. then she would have known. sorted.

Original poster

dkcrooby · 06/05/2010 13:16

He told her several times which books he'd read. That's why i gather she was getting tired of him telling her that he'd read the books. She could have spoken to the teacher not started an argument. She is the adult. The teacher could have told her that his previous reading list was missing and that is why all the books he'd read weren't ticked off the list. The list has all the books he's meant to read.

OP posts:

Jamieandhismagictorch · 06/05/2010 13:16

Which is why i think the issue here was maybe your son's attitude or behaviour. Because it was potentially so easy to sort out.

I have to agree with thisisyesterday

Pancakeflipper · 06/05/2010 13:17

Just tell him that adults screw up too.

Things happen that are unfair but this ain't a battle to win. Give him a hugs say it wasn't fair and draw a line under it.

The teacher will just have agreed with the mother to show support and keep the helpers coming in to help. It's not right or fair but hey ho, let him learn that and he'll be ready for the next injustice in life..

diddl · 06/05/2010 13:19

If anyone is at fault surely it would be the teacher for not telling the mother about the missing list?

Original poster

dkcrooby · 06/05/2010 13:19

thisisyesterday your comment telling me to 'get a grip' is totally unnecessary. Maybe we should tell you that everytime you have a problem?

It is NOT ONLY ONE BOOK, but several books. As I said before he is already in the lowest group in the class because he's the youngest and if he is constantly told to keep re-reading books then how is he meant to progress?

OP posts:

wannaBe · 06/05/2010 13:20

"apparently he told her to check the list" see this is where I think that the issue came from - seven year olds can have real attitude and I'd hazzard a guess that he was being cheaky in the way he told her to "check the list" and tbh they shouldn't have to put up with cheak and back-chat.

thisisyesterday · 06/05/2010 13:20

of course you can tell me to get a grip, tis a free country after all, especially if i am moaning about a total non-issue like this

read more with him at home then he'll catch up!

Cretaceous · 06/05/2010 13:20

But you don't have a problem. Your son had a problem, and you could have said what Pancakeflipper said. All would be over.

You seem quite argumentative yourself . Does he take after you?

SeasideLil · 06/05/2010 13:21

I don't know how teachers get any work done with all those MNetters lined up to complain at the end of the day that their child didn't do this/didn't lose that/didn't say such and such.

Yes, it's a tad unfair that your son was told to stop arguing, but sometimes in life, you do have to stop arguing when told to by someone in authority, just because, not because it's fair. And given that you weren't there, you can't really say what tone he used or whether he argued on, even if he is as quiet as a mouse to you. So, it may have been his manner that the parent helper found difficult.

Bullying is something that warrants a visit to the school, not the ordinary ups and downs of classroom life. My daughter got told off for something the other week she swears wasn't her fault, I have no desire to undermine the school by going in and saying otherwise.

SeasideLil · 06/05/2010 13:23

Pancakeflipper's post is the nice version of what I meant, that's what I'd do.

OrmRenewed · 06/05/2010 13:24

The more he reads the more he will progress regardless of what he reads iyswim. Even if he isn't progressing through the levels in school he will still be improving as long as he's reading. Ensure you read with him at home regularly - and not just school books - tandem reading with more advanced books helps a lot. Let's face it most schools don't have the time to read a great deal with the children in school - they rely on the parents to do the lion's share at home.

luciemule · 06/05/2010 13:25

OP I had just written to say that it wasn't fair of people to tell you to get a grip than read your OP, which first;y asks 'aibu?' and then in your last sentence it says please tell me if I'm overreacting....

However, I agree with you that the teacher and helper didn't handle it correctly. You should imo, go into school, speak to teacher and tell her to speak to volunteer mum and explain it all to her. then ask to see list and you and ds mark off ones he's read. Then he can go onto next level.
On a more general note, it's important for our children to feel that they can respond if something in school isn't correct and a 7 yr old child ins't necessarily have the eloquent skills of an older person at putting over their point in a perfect manner. Imagine if there was a much more serious issue, such as bullying of a student by a teacher for example; aren't we supposed to teach our children to stand up for what is right; not teach them that only adults are ever correct!

bellissima · 06/05/2010 13:26

I do understand your anxiety re his relative age. If you see my comments on wretched SATs for 6-7 year olds I think that they are desperately unfair as no allowance is made for age. But I do find it a bit hard to understand why, when issuing a new list, the teacher didn't spend a few minutes - surely that's all it would take - to simply go over it with your son and tick off the ones he has read. But couldn't you have done that at home if she didn't? Maybe just take the list to the teacher, explain that your DS was upset and say these are the ones he has read, ticked off. Then he won't be constantly told to keep re-reading books. I mean, how long is the list?

Original poster

dkcrooby · 06/05/2010 13:26

'of course you can tell me to get a grip, tis a free country after all, especially if i am moaning about a total non-issue like this

read more with him at home then he'll catch up!'

if this is the sort of support a person gets when posting a message asking for some advice, then I dont think i'll be coming on here again. How dare you thisisyesterday? He's the youngest in the class, 29th august is the date he was born. we read with him all the time. it is the fact that he is having to re-read books he has already read and no one is listening to him.

No, i am not argumentative. I just hate bullying. obviously thisisyesterday doesnt.

OP posts:

diddl · 06/05/2010 13:28

Why haven´t you ticked off what he has read?

bellissima · 06/05/2010 13:30

I think that several posters have advised a brief word with the teacher, just explaining that he was upset, and showing her which books he has read.

This is AIBU. I don't particularly like being called a 'bloody volunteer'. But it's AIBU. Maybe Chat or indeed Primary Education would elicit less 'frank' responses.

luciemule · 06/05/2010 13:30

dk - maybe you could try posting anything to do with education on the primary section and then peope won't tell you that you're being unreasonable. That was said in my kind voice . It is very hard to gauge people's tone on MN and I often seem to upset/offend people when I honestly don't mean to. It's hard to across in words sometimes the emotion you're feeling so I wouldn't worry too much about what people have said.
I don't think 'Am I Being Unreasonable' is always the best topic to post for support .

OrmRenewed · 06/05/2010 13:31

No-one is bullying you, just trying to give you advice.

Don't worry about the levels, when he gets assessed for reading they will be able to see how well he is doing. Where he is on some arbitrary list isn't that important.

luciemule · 06/05/2010 13:32

I can't even write in sentences today- typos everywhere!

OrmRenewed · 06/05/2010 13:32

" I don't particularly like being called a 'bloody volunteer'. "

I don't blame you belle. I am eternally grateful for the parents helpers in our school. I work so can't, but appreciate them giving their time.

sunnydelight · 06/05/2010 13:33

You posted in AIBU OP, if you want advice on what to do AIBU is never the best forum. If you are asking whether or not you're being unreasonable some people will inevitably tell you you are. You were clearly expecting a flood of sympathy - sorry, it doesn't always work like that.

Original poster

dkcrooby · 06/05/2010 13:34

Thank you every one else for your constructive comments. I might just ask the teacher for the list so I can see which one's he's read before or not and tell him that they were wrong to tell him off and that they could have handled the situation better.

OP posts:

Cretaceous · 06/05/2010 13:34

But you posted in AIBU and asked for honest thoughts.

Some children click with reading straight away, and others take longer. They all (mostly) get there in the end. Re-reading books won't affect this outcome. It doesn't matter yet that he hasn't clicked - he's got plenty of time (unless he has a specific problem that needs to be diagnosed). Lots of children in my son's class were slow readers, but now they're in year 6, they can all read.

I feel that you are sensitive about his reading, and this has clouded your judgement re your reaction to your original problem.

Feel free to disagree with me, though.

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